Back for five days and its been school every, single day. Argh. 3 days worth of full day meetings and I spent the entire day at school finishing up misc. stuff… its amazing how many little things can accumulated and take you up to 9 hours to do.
A few good things, I’ve cleared both my room and office tables! This is a major feat as anyone who has seen the state of both tables prior-clearing will attest. Now the Swiss mountains on my room’s table are actually visible in all their magnificence. One of my new year’s resolution is to keep my tables clear. Okay, now that’s down in black and white, I’ll *have* to do it!
A year has swiftly gone by in a blink of an eye…. And a new year is about to begin. A brand new one as I’m not taking back my two classes. I’m going to miss them, especially my Sec. 1 babies… Was packing their books to hand over to their new teacher and I realize how much I’ll actually miss these kids… with their brashness and impetuousness. I thought I’ll follow them up to Sec. 2 and see them grow… They are my first real form class, my babies. Well… we’ll still be in the same school and I’ll just be tracking them on the side…
The days back been mostly school-filled and rain-drenched… went to the gym for two days…. Jazz first, which I missed so…and the outdoors gym. There’s something poetic about doing balance while listening to the patter of the rain at night… and the cooling breeze is so welcome during rpm…
Met up with jx on Wednesday too… it’s always a pleasure to see old friends… and he sweetly covered me all the way home… Met up with Sze Mei…. Enjoyed our gossip and ragging session… Went to the Loft dance performance and the National Museum with my family…
And that’s about all the activities I did…
Been feeling very tired ever since I came back thou… not sleeping well… its half jet lag and half I-don’t-know-what… want to rest, but not really able to… miss Bellevue and the lazing days… miss the Rockies and the breathtaking winter scenes… miss P too…
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
christmas ramblings
Now Playing: Home for Christmas - N'Sync
Lazing in bed now even though its nearly noon…. Am in such a lazy holiday mood ever since we got back from the Rockies.
Well, it was a long, long drive… watching the scenery outside turn from black and white to brown and green… snow-covered mountains to wide plains… kinda stressful at times thou because of the icy roads and the many warning signs of compact snow and winter driving conditions and dangerous high mountain roads with unpredictable weather. But we made it home safe… had a short stopover in Vancouver and ate at the same sushi café we did 3 years back at Water St. and took photos at my favorite photo site with the white sails of Canada Place as the background..
It was a wonderful and hugely memorable trip…all the snow and icefalls and breathtaking winter scenes and the cold and warmth of walking in such a winter wonderland… It’s a white Christmas…
And now we’re home and lazy…. Except for cooking, I’m barely doing anything else… (I did go out to make a secret X’mas pressie for P yesterday).... just grocery-shopping, napped and loll around in bed reading novels and watching dvds… plan to go send off some presents and cards later and shop for more groceries for Christmas cooking tomorrow and that’s about it…not that P is more productive… for someone that complained about missing a day of work, he’s spending lots of time on his Civilization computer games.
However, I do love these lazy and peaceful days... the Christmas carols playing over the speakers… the companionship and joy of enjoying the simple gifts in life… a good book, a happy movie… and yes, a good strategic game :p
We might go out tomorrow though to Bellevue downtown… Bellevue is a familiar yet somehow slightly strange place… I remember knowing it well after spending a month here, but its been 3 years… so its kinda irritating… having the knowledge that I used to know it well but needing things to trigger the memory… like which freeway exit to take when driving back and the streets around… and what bus to take to go downtown… It’s definitely not Boston… which I do still know well and miss… there’s no snow here… which is easier yet sad…
Planning to do some major cooking tomorrow as I always do on my last day, added benefit that it’ll be our early Christmas celebration…
Lazing in bed now even though its nearly noon…. Am in such a lazy holiday mood ever since we got back from the Rockies.
Well, it was a long, long drive… watching the scenery outside turn from black and white to brown and green… snow-covered mountains to wide plains… kinda stressful at times thou because of the icy roads and the many warning signs of compact snow and winter driving conditions and dangerous high mountain roads with unpredictable weather. But we made it home safe… had a short stopover in Vancouver and ate at the same sushi café we did 3 years back at Water St. and took photos at my favorite photo site with the white sails of Canada Place as the background..
It was a wonderful and hugely memorable trip…all the snow and icefalls and breathtaking winter scenes and the cold and warmth of walking in such a winter wonderland… It’s a white Christmas…
And now we’re home and lazy…. Except for cooking, I’m barely doing anything else… (I did go out to make a secret X’mas pressie for P yesterday).... just grocery-shopping, napped and loll around in bed reading novels and watching dvds… plan to go send off some presents and cards later and shop for more groceries for Christmas cooking tomorrow and that’s about it…not that P is more productive… for someone that complained about missing a day of work, he’s spending lots of time on his Civilization computer games.
However, I do love these lazy and peaceful days... the Christmas carols playing over the speakers… the companionship and joy of enjoying the simple gifts in life… a good book, a happy movie… and yes, a good strategic game :p
We might go out tomorrow though to Bellevue downtown… Bellevue is a familiar yet somehow slightly strange place… I remember knowing it well after spending a month here, but its been 3 years… so its kinda irritating… having the knowledge that I used to know it well but needing things to trigger the memory… like which freeway exit to take when driving back and the streets around… and what bus to take to go downtown… It’s definitely not Boston… which I do still know well and miss… there’s no snow here… which is easier yet sad…
Planning to do some major cooking tomorrow as I always do on my last day, added benefit that it’ll be our early Christmas celebration…
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Rockies
Now Playing: Winter Wonderland - Diana Krall
Sitting at a window seat in the rustic Num-Ti-Jah Lodge, looking out to a winter storm, giant flakes falling on a snow-covered frozen lake…
This is an unplanned detour in our Canadian Rockies trip… we were going to head straight to Jasper via the Icefield Highway, but the bad weather and increasingly large snowflakes changed our mind and we decided to stay the night at the only available lodge on the highway next to Bow Lake and Glaciers… a rustic lodge meant as a retreat, it has no tv and no cellphone reception. However, it do have wireless internet! Well, at least P isn’t going to be bored out of his mind and make noises.
This is a lovely place though, filled with antique furniture made out of deer antlers and comfy sofas and window seats… the view outside is amazing… mountains and lakes all covered with several feet of snow… Christmas pines everywhere… it is the perfect place to curl up with a book and a journal (or a laptop computer with wireless access)… I don’t really mind this detour which is going to set us back a day… P can make one more day anyway for his leave. It just means a longer vacation!
It’s so tranquil here… the snow makes it impossible for us to do anything outside and for anything to get to us… a place to truly just stop…
We had a fun four days before at Banff and Lake Louise… Banff was just exciting, with trail walks up snowy pathways and catwalks to frozen waterfalls and dog-sledding in the snow. The several drives down Lake Minnewaka and Lake Vermillion were simply breathtaking, especially amidst the salmon pink sunrise… The town was sweet, an avenue all lit in Christmas lights and a different sushi place every night… Lake Louise was simply stunning and gorgeous, a vast expense of ice edged with glaciers and mountains… we couldn’t see the emerald of Emerald Lake, but it did glitter with ice…Natural Bridge and Kicking Horse Creek was striking, it’s a scene we often saw before during our summer vacations, but to see the creek and stones all covered with snow… the rushing of water amidst the ice… its simply amazing…
And the drives from place to place… ranged with the mountains and pines and lakes… all frosted and iced, silver and white vistas… its like a black and white photo at some points…. the views are so dramatic… its so unbelievable and nothing like we ever experienced…
And we still have three more days in Jasper to look forward to before we start our drive home…
Sitting at a window seat in the rustic Num-Ti-Jah Lodge, looking out to a winter storm, giant flakes falling on a snow-covered frozen lake…
This is an unplanned detour in our Canadian Rockies trip… we were going to head straight to Jasper via the Icefield Highway, but the bad weather and increasingly large snowflakes changed our mind and we decided to stay the night at the only available lodge on the highway next to Bow Lake and Glaciers… a rustic lodge meant as a retreat, it has no tv and no cellphone reception. However, it do have wireless internet! Well, at least P isn’t going to be bored out of his mind and make noises.
This is a lovely place though, filled with antique furniture made out of deer antlers and comfy sofas and window seats… the view outside is amazing… mountains and lakes all covered with several feet of snow… Christmas pines everywhere… it is the perfect place to curl up with a book and a journal (or a laptop computer with wireless access)… I don’t really mind this detour which is going to set us back a day… P can make one more day anyway for his leave. It just means a longer vacation!
It’s so tranquil here… the snow makes it impossible for us to do anything outside and for anything to get to us… a place to truly just stop…
We had a fun four days before at Banff and Lake Louise… Banff was just exciting, with trail walks up snowy pathways and catwalks to frozen waterfalls and dog-sledding in the snow. The several drives down Lake Minnewaka and Lake Vermillion were simply breathtaking, especially amidst the salmon pink sunrise… The town was sweet, an avenue all lit in Christmas lights and a different sushi place every night… Lake Louise was simply stunning and gorgeous, a vast expense of ice edged with glaciers and mountains… we couldn’t see the emerald of Emerald Lake, but it did glitter with ice…Natural Bridge and Kicking Horse Creek was striking, it’s a scene we often saw before during our summer vacations, but to see the creek and stones all covered with snow… the rushing of water amidst the ice… its simply amazing…
And the drives from place to place… ranged with the mountains and pines and lakes… all frosted and iced, silver and white vistas… its like a black and white photo at some points…. the views are so dramatic… its so unbelievable and nothing like we ever experienced…
And we still have three more days in Jasper to look forward to before we start our drive home…
Thursday, November 23, 2006
a quiet week
Had a quiet week…
Mon was mahjong with JL and shufen, haven’t seen these two friends for awhile and we enjoyed a long session of mahjong at my place. We met for lunch before I brought them back to my place.
It’s hard to imagine, but despite the fact that my dad is a life long mahjong guru, I actually only learnt how to play a couple of years back at Boston… and JL was actually one of my mentors. Still remember one of the twins (still can’t tell which one) sitting by my side and teaching me how to form the sequences and what earns more points….Time flies and now JL has already graduated and those mahjong nights at the basement of Senior House are only fond memories…
Went back to school on Tuesday which was one of the worst days I had for awhile... luck and my own indecisiveness playing equal parts… I actually liked going back to school. Puts me in touch with reality, the two weeks marking and on course away from school has made me kinda off-centered… back at school and yelling at my kids over the phone for being irresponsible prats put me right back at home. (yea, sadistic I know). Spent the morning running around in between the cca and writing lesson plans with colleagues made me feel right back at home too… the adrenaline from juggling a few tasks at a go… but in the afternoon when everything settled down, my flu caught up with me again… was debating between going to the gym as I originally planned or meeting my graduating sec 4 kids for dinner… decided against the dinner as Lanhua didn’t want to go too (I passed my flu to her) and didn’t make it for the gym session either … went too late and the session was full… got so irritated with myself for my inability to make decisions… went for dinner and to top it off, I missed a stop on the mrt on the way home and took double the time I normally do… was so angry with myself. I can be such an idiot at times…
Wed and Thurs are better days….
My flu isn’t getting any better even though it’s been more than a week… and I haven’t got any real studying done for my looming gre. So I cancelled plans for gym, dancing and movies and stayed at home for the whole two days and did my maths practice test with an enormous box of tissue in front of me and an ever-growing pile of tissue… it rained for both days… providing a melodious background.
Actually enjoyed these two quiet days… feel my mind muscles loosening and settling back into place… Finally having time to relax… enjoy the maths practice too… its actually secondary level maths, and as I did them, I remember how I was actually very good at them back in sec sch and how I had fun solving all these problems… and being able to laugh at myself at times I get stuck at questions my sec. 1 kids would be able to solve…
Have to go back to sch tmr though… another day and yet another after…
Life isn’t all a bed of roses… but it isn’t a bed of thorns either…
-------
p.s. This is my 50th post and it’s a year since I created this journal…. I only updated 50 times a year…not a very good girl
Mon was mahjong with JL and shufen, haven’t seen these two friends for awhile and we enjoyed a long session of mahjong at my place. We met for lunch before I brought them back to my place.
It’s hard to imagine, but despite the fact that my dad is a life long mahjong guru, I actually only learnt how to play a couple of years back at Boston… and JL was actually one of my mentors. Still remember one of the twins (still can’t tell which one) sitting by my side and teaching me how to form the sequences and what earns more points….Time flies and now JL has already graduated and those mahjong nights at the basement of Senior House are only fond memories…
Went back to school on Tuesday which was one of the worst days I had for awhile... luck and my own indecisiveness playing equal parts… I actually liked going back to school. Puts me in touch with reality, the two weeks marking and on course away from school has made me kinda off-centered… back at school and yelling at my kids over the phone for being irresponsible prats put me right back at home. (yea, sadistic I know). Spent the morning running around in between the cca and writing lesson plans with colleagues made me feel right back at home too… the adrenaline from juggling a few tasks at a go… but in the afternoon when everything settled down, my flu caught up with me again… was debating between going to the gym as I originally planned or meeting my graduating sec 4 kids for dinner… decided against the dinner as Lanhua didn’t want to go too (I passed my flu to her) and didn’t make it for the gym session either … went too late and the session was full… got so irritated with myself for my inability to make decisions… went for dinner and to top it off, I missed a stop on the mrt on the way home and took double the time I normally do… was so angry with myself. I can be such an idiot at times…
Wed and Thurs are better days….
My flu isn’t getting any better even though it’s been more than a week… and I haven’t got any real studying done for my looming gre. So I cancelled plans for gym, dancing and movies and stayed at home for the whole two days and did my maths practice test with an enormous box of tissue in front of me and an ever-growing pile of tissue… it rained for both days… providing a melodious background.
Actually enjoyed these two quiet days… feel my mind muscles loosening and settling back into place… Finally having time to relax… enjoy the maths practice too… its actually secondary level maths, and as I did them, I remember how I was actually very good at them back in sec sch and how I had fun solving all these problems… and being able to laugh at myself at times I get stuck at questions my sec. 1 kids would be able to solve…
Have to go back to sch tmr though… another day and yet another after…
Life isn’t all a bed of roses… but it isn’t a bed of thorns either…
-------
p.s. This is my 50th post and it’s a year since I created this journal…. I only updated 50 times a year…not a very good girl
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Cranberry and Books
You know that Christmas is coming when you can smell the sweet scent of Body Shop's Cranberry shimmering lotion three stores down the nearest Body Shop... I remember the first time the Body Shop's Cranberry shimmering lotion was introduced, several christmases ago... P liked it because it reminded him of sweets and candies and I bought a bottle to use in Beijing... Orchard's lights are all lit up, gold this year... and one can almost hear the carols and weirdly for me, the upcoming cny songs. It’s interesting what memories scents and lights alight…
Tomorrow will hopefully be the last day of marking, and I'm half relieved and half sad... kinda like the sense of community and camaderiere we bulit up in our group of marking. Although the compre question I'm marking is one of the harder ones and therefore the slower ones, the laughter we shared and the ready help rendered by each of us makes everything somehow enjoyable. But I'm falling sick thou... so I guess it's a good thing that its finally coming to an end... just in time for the Wushu Judges course that will begin right after on thursday. Looking forward to that as well, we'll finally know how those judges give our kids their marks during the competition.
Despite the stress and backaches and headaches marking gives me... one thing its good for is that the timing is rigid and we cannot bring work home.
So, for the first time in ages.. (in this entire year?).. I find myself reading... read some of the classics which I bought and had been collecting dust on my bookshelf for ages and polished off some trash which I picked up as well..
Read Christopher Bram's Father of Frankenstein and Kazuo Ishiguro's Remains of the Day. Just started Bram Stoker's Dracula... I haven't read for so very long that I forgot what it was like to be unable to put a book down and the pure pleasure of letting good prose wash over you... the quiet you feel when you are immersed in the characters and plot and the contentment... I really should be studying for my gre but I tell myself reading these books are also preparation.
But all these books are so sad... and they reveal so many human flaws... which combined with the CSI I've been watching recently all put me in a slightly dark mood... so thank goodness for the cranberry scent in the air.... a cheering scent that reminds me of happy times...
Other happy events include meet up with friends... Met Lin for Notre Dame de Paris the sunday before, a incredible show that I'm watching for the second time. The first time was back in 2002 in Beijing with XP, and the second time round seems to be even better now that I understand the songs and story better and didn't have to switch between the subtitles and set. Glad that she liked the show as well... Also watched Seven Month Itch with Dr. Lin after a delicate dinner at Memoir...
Also caught the "All the Best" collection with my parents at the SAM last sunday... a thought provoking collection... the fairy tale series especially chilling... met my brother after for lunch to celebrate his birthday at this veggie place that he likes.
Met jx for dinner last night too... its always good to see him. Will be meeting Xiaogua tonight for her birthday... and scheduled dates with several other friends too... Another reason why I love the last months of the year... somehow we see alot more of our friends in these months...
Tomorrow will hopefully be the last day of marking, and I'm half relieved and half sad... kinda like the sense of community and camaderiere we bulit up in our group of marking. Although the compre question I'm marking is one of the harder ones and therefore the slower ones, the laughter we shared and the ready help rendered by each of us makes everything somehow enjoyable. But I'm falling sick thou... so I guess it's a good thing that its finally coming to an end... just in time for the Wushu Judges course that will begin right after on thursday. Looking forward to that as well, we'll finally know how those judges give our kids their marks during the competition.
Despite the stress and backaches and headaches marking gives me... one thing its good for is that the timing is rigid and we cannot bring work home.
So, for the first time in ages.. (in this entire year?).. I find myself reading... read some of the classics which I bought and had been collecting dust on my bookshelf for ages and polished off some trash which I picked up as well..
Read Christopher Bram's Father of Frankenstein and Kazuo Ishiguro's Remains of the Day. Just started Bram Stoker's Dracula... I haven't read for so very long that I forgot what it was like to be unable to put a book down and the pure pleasure of letting good prose wash over you... the quiet you feel when you are immersed in the characters and plot and the contentment... I really should be studying for my gre but I tell myself reading these books are also preparation.
But all these books are so sad... and they reveal so many human flaws... which combined with the CSI I've been watching recently all put me in a slightly dark mood... so thank goodness for the cranberry scent in the air.... a cheering scent that reminds me of happy times...
Other happy events include meet up with friends... Met Lin for Notre Dame de Paris the sunday before, a incredible show that I'm watching for the second time. The first time was back in 2002 in Beijing with XP, and the second time round seems to be even better now that I understand the songs and story better and didn't have to switch between the subtitles and set. Glad that she liked the show as well... Also watched Seven Month Itch with Dr. Lin after a delicate dinner at Memoir...
Also caught the "All the Best" collection with my parents at the SAM last sunday... a thought provoking collection... the fairy tale series especially chilling... met my brother after for lunch to celebrate his birthday at this veggie place that he likes.
Met jx for dinner last night too... its always good to see him. Will be meeting Xiaogua tonight for her birthday... and scheduled dates with several other friends too... Another reason why I love the last months of the year... somehow we see alot more of our friends in these months...
Saturday, November 11, 2006
rain and contemplation
sitting in the pacific coffee cafe, contemplating the rain outside... a plate of pink cake in front of me which is doubling up as my lunch and tea...
woke up early today to go to jazz, instead of groove/jazz because I like the choreo and it'll be the last time Sharon's doing it. Wanted to do aqua after, but the rain and thunder cancelled it. Still, managed to do a few laps around the pool and did my first pilates class in a long while before ending up at pacific coffee...
this is my favourite cafe for various reason...
1) comfy red sofas
2) books of various type that one can pick up anytime
3) free internet
4) yummy fruit smoothies they call chillinos
5) they play great music to chill to
6) its located right between the gym and the dance studio
all making it the perfect place to kill time when waiting for evening classes... and the free internet enables me to actually get to my mail on the days when I get home late consecutively and don't have time to check my mail...
just finished 5 days of marking... I actually like it... despite the fact that I suspected I killed alot of my brain cells the past weeks and I skipped 2 days of gym becoz I just wanted to go home and stone in front of the tv after it... but there's something about reading all these essays that students write... their thoughts scattered and sometimes so refreshingly candid.
haven't sat and watch rain for awhile... there's something hypnotic about it... watching streaks of rain fall in the green...
there's something about november... that makes me strangely sad and happy at the same time...
its also the month of birthdays :)
wishing all my friends whose birthdays fall on november a happy birthday! Especially to a dear friend and my darling little brother whose birthday fall on today itself :)
May you have many lovely memories on the brand new upcoming year and time to sit and watch the rain....
woke up early today to go to jazz, instead of groove/jazz because I like the choreo and it'll be the last time Sharon's doing it. Wanted to do aqua after, but the rain and thunder cancelled it. Still, managed to do a few laps around the pool and did my first pilates class in a long while before ending up at pacific coffee...
this is my favourite cafe for various reason...
1) comfy red sofas
2) books of various type that one can pick up anytime
3) free internet
4) yummy fruit smoothies they call chillinos
5) they play great music to chill to
6) its located right between the gym and the dance studio
all making it the perfect place to kill time when waiting for evening classes... and the free internet enables me to actually get to my mail on the days when I get home late consecutively and don't have time to check my mail...
just finished 5 days of marking... I actually like it... despite the fact that I suspected I killed alot of my brain cells the past weeks and I skipped 2 days of gym becoz I just wanted to go home and stone in front of the tv after it... but there's something about reading all these essays that students write... their thoughts scattered and sometimes so refreshingly candid.
haven't sat and watch rain for awhile... there's something hypnotic about it... watching streaks of rain fall in the green...
there's something about november... that makes me strangely sad and happy at the same time...
its also the month of birthdays :)
wishing all my friends whose birthdays fall on november a happy birthday! Especially to a dear friend and my darling little brother whose birthday fall on today itself :)
May you have many lovely memories on the brand new upcoming year and time to sit and watch the rain....
Monday, October 30, 2006
Pensive
Now Playing: Borrowed Angels - Kristin Chenoweth
Haven’t written for ages…. Despite the many events that happened lately… the Int’l Salsa Fest… the grueling 8-hour casino workshop… a salsa house party… the ending of school mish-mash of ceremonies and festivals… staying up to finish marking the mock exams…the messy end of school rush with the last minutes nagging at my kids for their paper… the last day of school… dinners and outings with friends that dotted in between…
Feeling a little down at the moment… think I overdosed myself on dance lately… with the 3 nights and 2 days of the fest where I lived and breathed salsa… 7 hour workshops for 2 consecutive days and dancing till 2 or 3 am for 3 consecutive nights… didn’t really feel like dancing last weekend… and union was quiet anyway… except for dancing with Marc which is always fun, but even he said he couldn’t really warm up on Sat… cut down on gym lately too… skipped gym when I planned to go 2 times already… went out for dinner with friends instead (double sin!)…
Feeling pensive… thinking about what is really important in my life at the moment… while cutting down on life itself… sometimes, I think about this so called “exciting” and “fulfilling” life I have… and think “Is this what makes me content?” … and I find that I don’t really have an answer… sometimes I really wish there is such a thing as a Pensieve… so I can stir my thoughts and truly reflect…
Had a strange dream last night… and it made me think… is achieving our dreams all that important? So what if I really do what I want to do? Finish my 3 years of teaching and go overseas to do my masters… live my life in the various countries I want to live in with P by my side … do a job that allows me to make a difference… open a bookshop and end my life with P in a seaside house in Greece or a lakeside house in Switzerland? Will it make me happy and content? I like to think so… but I really don’t know… what if it all happens and I find that this isn’t what I wanted all along? It’s scary… not knowing what you want…
I’ve always been the type that knows exactly what she wants in life… from a very very young age.. I’ve always known that I’ll do Chinese… there wasn’t ever a doubt. I’ve made mistakes in my choices… definitely…and there are things that I regret…wasted time and opportunities… but my life has pretty much turned out the way I wanted it to and I can’t complain…
But sometimes… when I look back and look forward and look at this moment… and wonder why I’m not as happy and I thought I will be when I reach this point of my life….
There must be Borrowed Angels, here in this life
They come along into this world and make this world bright
They reach a little deeper, they see what's in your soul
And when they leave, you know, you'll never let them go
But they can't stay forever, cause they're heaven sent
And sometimes, heaven needs them back again
Haven’t written for ages…. Despite the many events that happened lately… the Int’l Salsa Fest… the grueling 8-hour casino workshop… a salsa house party… the ending of school mish-mash of ceremonies and festivals… staying up to finish marking the mock exams…the messy end of school rush with the last minutes nagging at my kids for their paper… the last day of school… dinners and outings with friends that dotted in between…
Feeling a little down at the moment… think I overdosed myself on dance lately… with the 3 nights and 2 days of the fest where I lived and breathed salsa… 7 hour workshops for 2 consecutive days and dancing till 2 or 3 am for 3 consecutive nights… didn’t really feel like dancing last weekend… and union was quiet anyway… except for dancing with Marc which is always fun, but even he said he couldn’t really warm up on Sat… cut down on gym lately too… skipped gym when I planned to go 2 times already… went out for dinner with friends instead (double sin!)…
Feeling pensive… thinking about what is really important in my life at the moment… while cutting down on life itself… sometimes, I think about this so called “exciting” and “fulfilling” life I have… and think “Is this what makes me content?” … and I find that I don’t really have an answer… sometimes I really wish there is such a thing as a Pensieve… so I can stir my thoughts and truly reflect…
Had a strange dream last night… and it made me think… is achieving our dreams all that important? So what if I really do what I want to do? Finish my 3 years of teaching and go overseas to do my masters… live my life in the various countries I want to live in with P by my side … do a job that allows me to make a difference… open a bookshop and end my life with P in a seaside house in Greece or a lakeside house in Switzerland? Will it make me happy and content? I like to think so… but I really don’t know… what if it all happens and I find that this isn’t what I wanted all along? It’s scary… not knowing what you want…
I’ve always been the type that knows exactly what she wants in life… from a very very young age.. I’ve always known that I’ll do Chinese… there wasn’t ever a doubt. I’ve made mistakes in my choices… definitely…and there are things that I regret…wasted time and opportunities… but my life has pretty much turned out the way I wanted it to and I can’t complain…
But sometimes… when I look back and look forward and look at this moment… and wonder why I’m not as happy and I thought I will be when I reach this point of my life….
There must be Borrowed Angels, here in this life
They come along into this world and make this world bright
They reach a little deeper, they see what's in your soul
And when they leave, you know, you'll never let them go
But they can't stay forever, cause they're heaven sent
And sometimes, heaven needs them back again
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Six Degrees and Textures
I don’t know if it’s because I face so many different people everyday nowadays… students, colleagues, dance partners, gym friends… somehow I’m starting to find that a lot of different people remind me of different people (does that line make sense?)
Sometimes it’s just a profile, a side view that gives me a jolt and think “hey, isn’t that XXX?” only to find that it isn’t. Sometimes it’s a grin or a certain attitude that’ll make me ask the name just to see if the two different persons share the same surname… Sometimes it’s an entire conversation that makes me blink… it was so like talking to another person… the line of thought and the tone… the “feel” of talking to a person… how can it feel so similar when it’s two different people?
For the first time…I’m starting to find that people have different textures… and those textures can sometimes feel strangely familiar…a different form of six degrees?
Monday, October 09, 2006
Dance, Art, Musical
Now Playing: 牡丹江 - 南拳妈妈
Think I’m dancing too much…. My left knee hurts… It hurt before but the pain usually goes away when I stop dancing but now its kinda like a permanent ache. Also, it never hurt for salsa before, only for jazz and my other fitness stuff like body jam or combat… well… what to do…
Originally wanted to stay late on Saturday at Union… but danced too much at the first two hours… didn’t count the number of dances I did… but a friend commented that he saw me on the dance floor almost the whole night… and when I danced with Dino after eleven, I was almost falling asleep when waiting for him to start and my response was really slow… he said I’ve probably danced too much that night. Felt very tired…. Perhaps because of the knee… or perhaps because of other reasons… anyway, left at eleven forty and caught the last mrt/bus home. Went home and watched the Cheaper by the Dozen dvd I rented from fitness first.
Well… it’s the salsa fest this weekend… will enjoy that… and see if I’ll cut down slightly after… maybe I just need rest… just feel very mellow… missing the fun of enjoying the dance for the dance… somehow it feels more like practice on Sat..
Took a day for myself on Sunday though… no dancing no marking… just a day for myself… Went to the Art of Cartier exhibition at the National Museum which is almost unrecognizable… its all very elegantly done up and reminds me of the museums overseas when all the glossy white walls and glass panels…. The exhibition itself is fascinating… there’s a very good guide who gives little anecdotes which I love though I only caught the latter part of her guide. There are intriguing pieces that I would love to know more about… the stories behind each and every piece so lovingly carved and put together… especially those that are made to order. I always loved jewelry (a fact P can unhappily attest to), the enduring beauty and the stories they hold….
Watched Tick Tick Boom at night… heard some bad reviews and I know it wasn’t all that well-received when it first came out, so I was bracing myself for a disappointment. It wasn’t though, although it wasn’t exactly fantastic, but it was okay. It was an insight to the life of Jonathon Larson before Rent… kinda like a preview or a buildup. I can see the style that leads to the Rent. Overall, quite enjoyable… and I did like the last song and the way it turned from a climax to the happy birthday song…
It was a quiet and reflective day… something I need more of… missing Boston… the days with P and snow falling outside and a hot drink and a book on my lap… days of quiet contentment…
到不了的都叫做远方
回不去的名字叫家乡
Think I’m dancing too much…. My left knee hurts… It hurt before but the pain usually goes away when I stop dancing but now its kinda like a permanent ache. Also, it never hurt for salsa before, only for jazz and my other fitness stuff like body jam or combat… well… what to do…
Originally wanted to stay late on Saturday at Union… but danced too much at the first two hours… didn’t count the number of dances I did… but a friend commented that he saw me on the dance floor almost the whole night… and when I danced with Dino after eleven, I was almost falling asleep when waiting for him to start and my response was really slow… he said I’ve probably danced too much that night. Felt very tired…. Perhaps because of the knee… or perhaps because of other reasons… anyway, left at eleven forty and caught the last mrt/bus home. Went home and watched the Cheaper by the Dozen dvd I rented from fitness first.
Well… it’s the salsa fest this weekend… will enjoy that… and see if I’ll cut down slightly after… maybe I just need rest… just feel very mellow… missing the fun of enjoying the dance for the dance… somehow it feels more like practice on Sat..
Took a day for myself on Sunday though… no dancing no marking… just a day for myself… Went to the Art of Cartier exhibition at the National Museum which is almost unrecognizable… its all very elegantly done up and reminds me of the museums overseas when all the glossy white walls and glass panels…. The exhibition itself is fascinating… there’s a very good guide who gives little anecdotes which I love though I only caught the latter part of her guide. There are intriguing pieces that I would love to know more about… the stories behind each and every piece so lovingly carved and put together… especially those that are made to order. I always loved jewelry (a fact P can unhappily attest to), the enduring beauty and the stories they hold….
Watched Tick Tick Boom at night… heard some bad reviews and I know it wasn’t all that well-received when it first came out, so I was bracing myself for a disappointment. It wasn’t though, although it wasn’t exactly fantastic, but it was okay. It was an insight to the life of Jonathon Larson before Rent… kinda like a preview or a buildup. I can see the style that leads to the Rent. Overall, quite enjoyable… and I did like the last song and the way it turned from a climax to the happy birthday song…
It was a quiet and reflective day… something I need more of… missing Boston… the days with P and snow falling outside and a hot drink and a book on my lap… days of quiet contentment…
到不了的都叫做远方
回不去的名字叫家乡
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Counting my Blessings
Deeply mired in the quicksand pit of marking, marking and more marking…developing a permanent headache and white hairs… I wake up marking, escape from marking by marking, and I sleep marking…
Scribbled this list down during invigilation just now and am taking 5 minutes to type these 10 little happiness and blessings from these marking-filled days to save myself from insanity and imminent brain-dead-ness… to prove to myself, my life is NOT all marking and there are things to be happy for…
1. Had a wonderful night dancing on Saturday…
salsa-ed till past midnite and did a number of lovely dances …
2. Dinner with my mom and brother at Sakae, a rare outing with my family…
3. Tea with Lin on Mon, it’s always sweet to see her…
4. Half an hour of frenzied shopping of retail therapy, came away with 3 pretty skirts and 2 tops.
5. Great Lyrical Jazz class last night, felt good about myself…
6. My jazz friend gave me a lift home! Saving me at least forty minutes of extra sleep
7. P managed to find a number of my favorite salsa and bachata songs recently,
songs that I spent ages looking for to no avail
8. Today is Tuesday = Fried Chicken Day!
9. Meeting Fen for a dinner date at Naxos on Wed, dance, dinner and a good friend!
Looking forward to the relaxation…
10. I finally, finally, finally managed to finish my blood-sucking sec. 3 essay papers!… papers that make me want to literally tear my hair out and breaks my heart with all these people that I’m failing… its finally done and I can finally move on to the sec. 1 essays which are narrative and will hopefully be a breeze after the sec. 3 torture.
And now… it’s back to the grind…
Scribbled this list down during invigilation just now and am taking 5 minutes to type these 10 little happiness and blessings from these marking-filled days to save myself from insanity and imminent brain-dead-ness… to prove to myself, my life is NOT all marking and there are things to be happy for…
1. Had a wonderful night dancing on Saturday…
salsa-ed till past midnite and did a number of lovely dances …
2. Dinner with my mom and brother at Sakae, a rare outing with my family…
3. Tea with Lin on Mon, it’s always sweet to see her…
4. Half an hour of frenzied shopping of retail therapy, came away with 3 pretty skirts and 2 tops.
5. Great Lyrical Jazz class last night, felt good about myself…
6. My jazz friend gave me a lift home! Saving me at least forty minutes of extra sleep
7. P managed to find a number of my favorite salsa and bachata songs recently,
songs that I spent ages looking for to no avail
8. Today is Tuesday = Fried Chicken Day!
9. Meeting Fen for a dinner date at Naxos on Wed, dance, dinner and a good friend!
Looking forward to the relaxation…
10. I finally, finally, finally managed to finish my blood-sucking sec. 3 essay papers!… papers that make me want to literally tear my hair out and breaks my heart with all these people that I’m failing… its finally done and I can finally move on to the sec. 1 essays which are narrative and will hopefully be a breeze after the sec. 3 torture.
And now… it’s back to the grind…
Monday, September 25, 2006
New York Memories...
Was talking to a friend who is in New York and it brought back so many memories… The friend doesn’t enjoy New York, which is sad. I know many of my friends don’t like New York, thinking it too citified and populated and dirty… I do admit New York is all those faults and more,,, but there is more to New York that. Nothing beats New York for the sheer sense of life and living… there’s always something going on and there’s always something to do… its happening and exciting and there is no place that makes you feel as alive as the city of the Big Apple. And there are the little oasis that are scattered around Manhattan…
Always remember the days I spent wandering around Central Park… the breezy day in summer surrounded by all the green… reading a book by the lake in the calming and soothing shade and the Angel of the Waters in view….. the snow scattered lawns and the crystal blue sky in December… the chill and crisp air and watching people walking dogs…. Sipping tea in a quaint café in East Village in between digging through the various vintage shops… the delicious salmon dinner by the fireside in a brownstone restaurant…. Rockefeller with its Christmas lights… the warmth of the golden-hued Astor Hall in the library in winter…Canal Street with its market wares and the smell of freshly roasted honey nuts…. Bryant Park in summer filled with people for the Broadway concert under the stars and in December with its Christmas fair… Times Square with its billboards and its lights… Chelsea with its art galleries and the museum mile providing different things to see every day… the Hudson in the evening when the waters turn rose and navy….Little Korea with its Asian stores and themed restaurants…Brooklyn Heights and Bridge with its incredible view…the Cloisters in spring with its blossoms of every color… even Harlem and its gospel choirs on Sunday…and Strand… a place I can spent an entire day in itself….and the magic of Broadway itself….
How can anyone not like New York? The pure character and chameleon-like facades… changing with every different area …from Wall Street and the Financial Center to East Village to the Upper West Side to Soho and Chinatown to Fifth Ave to Harlem and to Brooklyn…And so easily accessible via the admittedly stinky subway. New York is everything from the gritty street life and cozy street cafes to elegant boulevards and enchanting theatres. It doesn’t aim to please and it doesn’t need to. And most of all, it doesn’t short-change you for the experience as long as you dare to explore… and you can never ever say you are bored in New York…
I do agree that the frenzied pace of the city makes it unsuitable for one to retire in or to live in long-term… but I simply can’t resist its allure… New York sparkles and shines and it’s so easy to fall for… I remember I once told P, I want to stay in Boston but live in New York…
Always remember the days I spent wandering around Central Park… the breezy day in summer surrounded by all the green… reading a book by the lake in the calming and soothing shade and the Angel of the Waters in view….. the snow scattered lawns and the crystal blue sky in December… the chill and crisp air and watching people walking dogs…. Sipping tea in a quaint café in East Village in between digging through the various vintage shops… the delicious salmon dinner by the fireside in a brownstone restaurant…. Rockefeller with its Christmas lights… the warmth of the golden-hued Astor Hall in the library in winter…Canal Street with its market wares and the smell of freshly roasted honey nuts…. Bryant Park in summer filled with people for the Broadway concert under the stars and in December with its Christmas fair… Times Square with its billboards and its lights… Chelsea with its art galleries and the museum mile providing different things to see every day… the Hudson in the evening when the waters turn rose and navy….Little Korea with its Asian stores and themed restaurants…Brooklyn Heights and Bridge with its incredible view…the Cloisters in spring with its blossoms of every color… even Harlem and its gospel choirs on Sunday…and Strand… a place I can spent an entire day in itself….and the magic of Broadway itself….
How can anyone not like New York? The pure character and chameleon-like facades… changing with every different area …from Wall Street and the Financial Center to East Village to the Upper West Side to Soho and Chinatown to Fifth Ave to Harlem and to Brooklyn…And so easily accessible via the admittedly stinky subway. New York is everything from the gritty street life and cozy street cafes to elegant boulevards and enchanting theatres. It doesn’t aim to please and it doesn’t need to. And most of all, it doesn’t short-change you for the experience as long as you dare to explore… and you can never ever say you are bored in New York…
I do agree that the frenzied pace of the city makes it unsuitable for one to retire in or to live in long-term… but I simply can’t resist its allure… New York sparkles and shines and it’s so easy to fall for… I remember I once told P, I want to stay in Boston but live in New York…
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Lost and Found
Been losing things and finding that at most inopportune places recently… and the sheer joy at the discovery is unbelievable…
Spent 15 minutes searching for my black top on Friday morning as I had my heart set on wearing it that day. 15 minutes might not sound like much but its A LOT on a school morning and it meant that I missed breakfast *and* the 640 bus and was almost late for school. As it was, I reached at the nick of time of 730am, 5 minutes before assembly and all for nothing as I didn’t manage to find the top in the end.
Spent the entire Sat morning searching for it again and questioned my parents to no avail. Gave up on it and was consoling myself by planning when I’ll go back to the shop to buy it again (I really liked that top!) when I suddenly had the inspiration to search the pile of clothes-which-I-try-and-discard-on-the-mornings again and miraculously found it! I swear I searched through that pile at least twice beforehand. But I was so happy.
Woke up this morning and had to go for a somewhat-formal lunch with my Mom. Was lazy to dress up and decided to put on my staple pair of earrings and dug through my gym bag for my white jewelry pouch — once, twice and three times. Took the bag over to my mom’s room to search more thoroughly and still nope. Felt the rising panic but was too tired to panic (suffering from the effects of sleeping at 3am)… Called my gym as that was the last time I saw the pouch. Gym promised to search and call so I went off for lunch. Gym didn’t call back by the time I got home so called again… and called again at 630pm only to discovered from the ringing tone that they closed for the day. Ok… undercurrents of panic (still too lethargic for a full- blown attack)…the pouch contains the jewelry my kids gave me for teachers’ day and my two staple sets of earrings and a misc. array of jewelry. If nothing else, the ring P gave me is in that pouch and I will kill myself if I lost it. Ironically, I was debating if I should wear the ring when I was in the gym but decided against it as I was afraid I’ll lose it while dancing…. Called Xuan… the person I always call when I’m feeling low…
Seriously thinking of what to do if I really never recover my pouch (and the ring!) when I decided to re-search my gym bag again…. And miraculously…I actually found it in a side pocket! Although why the hell did I put it in the side pocket where it could easily fall out is something I’ll never be able to fathom.
I can’t describe the incredible feeling I got when I found these stuff I “lost” through plain stupidity …. The feeling of being blessed and incredibly lucky… it’s almost worth the torture I went through thinking I’ll never see my stuff again… almost.
Now… if only I’ll find the wallet I lost last Dec… that contains my non-replaceable photos and matric cards from two unis…
Spent 15 minutes searching for my black top on Friday morning as I had my heart set on wearing it that day. 15 minutes might not sound like much but its A LOT on a school morning and it meant that I missed breakfast *and* the 640 bus and was almost late for school. As it was, I reached at the nick of time of 730am, 5 minutes before assembly and all for nothing as I didn’t manage to find the top in the end.
Spent the entire Sat morning searching for it again and questioned my parents to no avail. Gave up on it and was consoling myself by planning when I’ll go back to the shop to buy it again (I really liked that top!) when I suddenly had the inspiration to search the pile of clothes-which-I-try-and-discard-on-the-mornings again and miraculously found it! I swear I searched through that pile at least twice beforehand. But I was so happy.
Woke up this morning and had to go for a somewhat-formal lunch with my Mom. Was lazy to dress up and decided to put on my staple pair of earrings and dug through my gym bag for my white jewelry pouch — once, twice and three times. Took the bag over to my mom’s room to search more thoroughly and still nope. Felt the rising panic but was too tired to panic (suffering from the effects of sleeping at 3am)… Called my gym as that was the last time I saw the pouch. Gym promised to search and call so I went off for lunch. Gym didn’t call back by the time I got home so called again… and called again at 630pm only to discovered from the ringing tone that they closed for the day. Ok… undercurrents of panic (still too lethargic for a full- blown attack)…the pouch contains the jewelry my kids gave me for teachers’ day and my two staple sets of earrings and a misc. array of jewelry. If nothing else, the ring P gave me is in that pouch and I will kill myself if I lost it. Ironically, I was debating if I should wear the ring when I was in the gym but decided against it as I was afraid I’ll lose it while dancing…. Called Xuan… the person I always call when I’m feeling low…
Seriously thinking of what to do if I really never recover my pouch (and the ring!) when I decided to re-search my gym bag again…. And miraculously…I actually found it in a side pocket! Although why the hell did I put it in the side pocket where it could easily fall out is something I’ll never be able to fathom.
I can’t describe the incredible feeling I got when I found these stuff I “lost” through plain stupidity …. The feeling of being blessed and incredibly lucky… it’s almost worth the torture I went through thinking I’ll never see my stuff again… almost.
Now… if only I’ll find the wallet I lost last Dec… that contains my non-replaceable photos and matric cards from two unis…
Friends we don't see enough...
Now Playing: For Good - Wicked Soundtrack
Days been pretty jammed recently… sometimes I wonder if I’m pushing myself too much… Dad commented that I’m out till late almost every night and he doesn’t know how I get the energy to get up every morning at six… (although I admit that the morning hour of 6am is the lowest point of my life every weekday).
Work is piling up, more often than not as my papers have come in and the annual holistic report is due… I’m really lucky in the sense that as I’m teaching translation, I only teach two hcl classes and therefore has a smaller marking load than other teachers. My co-form is a dear and takes half of the holistic report workload off me too…but the papers remain piled and don’t seem to lessen… Also been informed that I’m down for O level markings… which extends my marking season till end of Nov… already anticipating the brain-dead-ness…
Recently met an old friend by accident while going for my jazz class at Capital Towers… didn’t know that she actually works at Capital Towers and already has for two years… Managed to squeeze in an hour on Friday for a chat over coffee… Somehow this reminds me of how I’m not meeting up with my old friends… I do see Lin every now and then (more then than now) and I see Xuan for dance every week… but otherwise… all my dear friends, JX, Shimei, Zai, Jia and more… Friends that watched me grow and whom I grew up with… friends that have seen me at my best and my worst and know me inside out… I haven’t seen them for ages and when I do it’s usually once a year. It used to be because they were overseas and I was overseas (or as in Zai’s case, she’s still overseas)… but now we are all on this small little island and we still see each other about once a year… even if Jia stays 10 minutes away!
What is it about human beings that we take such things for granted?
During the chat with Xiao Gua on Fri… I discovered that she’s actually leaving for China next year… and that made me resolve to see her more often. We met last year for her birthday and it’s been almost a year since. Somehow it made me question myself, does it have to take the fact that she’s leaving to wake me up? If she isn’t leaving, when will I take the initiative to meet her again?
I used to pride myself on keeping in touch with my friends. Somehow, the ability slipped away as I started work and various other commitments like salsa and gym. And because all of us is so busy and it takes ages to plan a meet (it took JX and me a month to find a time to meet up for a birthday), sometimes I don’t even bother to make calls when I want to watch plays… I usually just go with my mom or myself. Only to find out that my friends usually do want to watch too… (Yea, Gab, this means you. I’m confessing here).
Time… everything boils down to time… With dance lessons 4 nights a week and gym at least 3 times a week and usually a play or a seminar or some other commitment on the other night and catching up on my work on Sundays… I’m usually rushing here and there with barely enough time for a meal in between sometimes…
But is it worth it? I know I’m doing what I want to do…and I really do enjoy everything I’m doing… I’m making friends through salsa and dance… but is it really worth it?
Nothing will ever replace my friends… people that really know me and still accept me for who I am… and somehow that never changes… when I talked to xiao gua on Friday… it was like the year in between with no contact never happened… we knew what each other was talking about and we could talk about everything, from life plans and worries to yoga classes… we could pick up the unvoiced nuances in what each other said... that kind of comfort only comes from shared history and friendship… and I wouldn’t want to give that up for anything…
But I do fear that I take it for granted… I know my friends wouldn’t change… oh, we will grow and mature… but who we are inside, that wouldn’t change…and our friendship wouldn’t change… but circumstances do… and I’m just not seeing my friends enough…
And I don’t ever want my friends to think that I do not appreciate them because I do… we have shared so much together over the years and nothing would ever take it away and its priceless… and I want to see them more often… not just the once a year for birthdays and before either of us go overseas… but regularly as we used to back in uni and school… I want to be able to talk about our troubles and to share our happiness and to know what’s going on in their lives…I want that closeness that we used to share on a daily basis…these people are more than friends to me…
But will it happen? Will be meeting up with Jia for her birthday and Fen in October… been making plans to meet up with Gab for Happy (a date that has yet to materialize)…but its all not enough….somehow…
Days been pretty jammed recently… sometimes I wonder if I’m pushing myself too much… Dad commented that I’m out till late almost every night and he doesn’t know how I get the energy to get up every morning at six… (although I admit that the morning hour of 6am is the lowest point of my life every weekday).
Work is piling up, more often than not as my papers have come in and the annual holistic report is due… I’m really lucky in the sense that as I’m teaching translation, I only teach two hcl classes and therefore has a smaller marking load than other teachers. My co-form is a dear and takes half of the holistic report workload off me too…but the papers remain piled and don’t seem to lessen… Also been informed that I’m down for O level markings… which extends my marking season till end of Nov… already anticipating the brain-dead-ness…
Recently met an old friend by accident while going for my jazz class at Capital Towers… didn’t know that she actually works at Capital Towers and already has for two years… Managed to squeeze in an hour on Friday for a chat over coffee… Somehow this reminds me of how I’m not meeting up with my old friends… I do see Lin every now and then (more then than now) and I see Xuan for dance every week… but otherwise… all my dear friends, JX, Shimei, Zai, Jia and more… Friends that watched me grow and whom I grew up with… friends that have seen me at my best and my worst and know me inside out… I haven’t seen them for ages and when I do it’s usually once a year. It used to be because they were overseas and I was overseas (or as in Zai’s case, she’s still overseas)… but now we are all on this small little island and we still see each other about once a year… even if Jia stays 10 minutes away!
What is it about human beings that we take such things for granted?
During the chat with Xiao Gua on Fri… I discovered that she’s actually leaving for China next year… and that made me resolve to see her more often. We met last year for her birthday and it’s been almost a year since. Somehow it made me question myself, does it have to take the fact that she’s leaving to wake me up? If she isn’t leaving, when will I take the initiative to meet her again?
I used to pride myself on keeping in touch with my friends. Somehow, the ability slipped away as I started work and various other commitments like salsa and gym. And because all of us is so busy and it takes ages to plan a meet (it took JX and me a month to find a time to meet up for a birthday), sometimes I don’t even bother to make calls when I want to watch plays… I usually just go with my mom or myself. Only to find out that my friends usually do want to watch too… (Yea, Gab, this means you. I’m confessing here).
Time… everything boils down to time… With dance lessons 4 nights a week and gym at least 3 times a week and usually a play or a seminar or some other commitment on the other night and catching up on my work on Sundays… I’m usually rushing here and there with barely enough time for a meal in between sometimes…
But is it worth it? I know I’m doing what I want to do…and I really do enjoy everything I’m doing… I’m making friends through salsa and dance… but is it really worth it?
Nothing will ever replace my friends… people that really know me and still accept me for who I am… and somehow that never changes… when I talked to xiao gua on Friday… it was like the year in between with no contact never happened… we knew what each other was talking about and we could talk about everything, from life plans and worries to yoga classes… we could pick up the unvoiced nuances in what each other said... that kind of comfort only comes from shared history and friendship… and I wouldn’t want to give that up for anything…
But I do fear that I take it for granted… I know my friends wouldn’t change… oh, we will grow and mature… but who we are inside, that wouldn’t change…and our friendship wouldn’t change… but circumstances do… and I’m just not seeing my friends enough…
And I don’t ever want my friends to think that I do not appreciate them because I do… we have shared so much together over the years and nothing would ever take it away and its priceless… and I want to see them more often… not just the once a year for birthdays and before either of us go overseas… but regularly as we used to back in uni and school… I want to be able to talk about our troubles and to share our happiness and to know what’s going on in their lives…I want that closeness that we used to share on a daily basis…these people are more than friends to me…
But will it happen? Will be meeting up with Jia for her birthday and Fen in October… been making plans to meet up with Gab for Happy (a date that has yet to materialize)…but its all not enough….somehow…
Aftermath... dancing....
Now Playing: Solo Por Un Beso - Aventura
Had the first late night in… months? Years? Haven’t stayed out so late for ages… I don’t know what made me stay in Union last night till 215am. My classmates were all surprised why “Cinderella” isn’t leaving at her 11pm curfew, and I actually stayed on after they left at 1am.
Just didn’t feel like going home.
Danced for six hours and did a lot of dances with guys that I always enjoy dancing with… really love the feeling of a good dance, dancing with a lead that doesn’t just have good technique but who actually feels the music and passion and dances with feeling…
Someone I don’t know and probably never danced with asked me by the dance floor last night if I was a good salsa dancer. It was a really weird question not to mention quite rude and out of the blue… but it set me thinking. Not about whether I’m a good salsa dancer or not… I suppose I’m adequate although I still can’t execute perfect double turns more often than not and my beat goes off at times as some of the dance partners that I dance with quite often say… but I do get compliments and enough dance requests to build my confidence on the dance floor :P (I’m really happy that I can go to union alone and still know enough people to keep me dancing as I did on Fri… it’s a long way from one year ago… )
Was talking with a guy friend yesterday by the dance floor and he asked me if I noticed how most of the guys at Union uses the same few moves and you never see a unique style…he seemed kinda demoralized (I can’t imagine why, he’s one of my favorite dance partners)…and he asked me why I enjoyed dancing with him because he thinks he’s the same… don’t remember my exact answer now but it was something like this. I do think that even if all the guys use the same technical moves, I get different feelings when I dance with different guys… the moves might be the same, but the passion is different. Some guys can execute perfect and complicated dance moves, but the dance can feel very cold. Some guys have very flashy styles, but you just can’t enjoy the dance.
Its not about the technique or looking good… its dancing with someone that makes you feel good, someone who makes the effort to protect you on the dance floor and immerses you into the music and the mood… even if its just doing basics and cross-body leads over and over again, it’ll still be fun and feel good… (and yes, I do dance with guys that do that).
I can’t explain exactly what it is about certain leads that really make me enjoy the dance… sometimes its just the feeling… like my last dance last night… it was a bachata dance and I still don’t really know the steps to bachata despite my 3 bachata workshops (yea, many apologies to the poor guys that danced bachata with me last night), but the dancer simply held me close and asked me to close my eyes and let him lead. So I did and I let the music overwhelm me… and it was one of the best dances of the night…
Had the first late night in… months? Years? Haven’t stayed out so late for ages… I don’t know what made me stay in Union last night till 215am. My classmates were all surprised why “Cinderella” isn’t leaving at her 11pm curfew, and I actually stayed on after they left at 1am.
Just didn’t feel like going home.
Danced for six hours and did a lot of dances with guys that I always enjoy dancing with… really love the feeling of a good dance, dancing with a lead that doesn’t just have good technique but who actually feels the music and passion and dances with feeling…
Someone I don’t know and probably never danced with asked me by the dance floor last night if I was a good salsa dancer. It was a really weird question not to mention quite rude and out of the blue… but it set me thinking. Not about whether I’m a good salsa dancer or not… I suppose I’m adequate although I still can’t execute perfect double turns more often than not and my beat goes off at times as some of the dance partners that I dance with quite often say… but I do get compliments and enough dance requests to build my confidence on the dance floor :P (I’m really happy that I can go to union alone and still know enough people to keep me dancing as I did on Fri… it’s a long way from one year ago… )
Was talking with a guy friend yesterday by the dance floor and he asked me if I noticed how most of the guys at Union uses the same few moves and you never see a unique style…he seemed kinda demoralized (I can’t imagine why, he’s one of my favorite dance partners)…and he asked me why I enjoyed dancing with him because he thinks he’s the same… don’t remember my exact answer now but it was something like this. I do think that even if all the guys use the same technical moves, I get different feelings when I dance with different guys… the moves might be the same, but the passion is different. Some guys can execute perfect and complicated dance moves, but the dance can feel very cold. Some guys have very flashy styles, but you just can’t enjoy the dance.
Its not about the technique or looking good… its dancing with someone that makes you feel good, someone who makes the effort to protect you on the dance floor and immerses you into the music and the mood… even if its just doing basics and cross-body leads over and over again, it’ll still be fun and feel good… (and yes, I do dance with guys that do that).
I can’t explain exactly what it is about certain leads that really make me enjoy the dance… sometimes its just the feeling… like my last dance last night… it was a bachata dance and I still don’t really know the steps to bachata despite my 3 bachata workshops (yea, many apologies to the poor guys that danced bachata with me last night), but the dancer simply held me close and asked me to close my eyes and let him lead. So I did and I let the music overwhelm me… and it was one of the best dances of the night…
Friday, September 22, 2006
郁
最近不知为什么，感觉郁郁。其实生活很丰富的。周日工作量很多，而且都是看得到成果的。上了几个进修课，包括一连三日很精彩的孔庆东的讲座。自己负责安排 的讲座刚结束。卷子也改了大部分。晚上都有课，而且也蛮有满足感。周末都去跳舞，现在都很享受跳舞的时候，已不再如刚开始时的僵硬，认识的朋友也多。最近 刚刚考了英文考试，感觉离与期盼的未来近了些。十二月的假也安排了差不多。时不时与父母一起吃饭，看戏。上周和妈妈看了弟弟的表演，这周和妈妈看电影。周 三和林一起去了间酒吧听音乐。周日上了个蛮不错的舞蹈课。又开始上爵士课。下周将和妈妈看《雷雨》，周六考翻译课程的入学试。日子可以说是精彩。但不知为 何，就是郁郁。
总有些小小的不如意。总使人感觉不甘，因此而不开心。如此的放不下，放不开。无法释怀，也就郁郁。平最近总是忙碌。感觉自己被冷落。却不由得想起，自己刚开始工作时是否也如此。但却无法释怀。习惯被宠，习惯他的嘘寒问暖，习惯他每日的电邮，习惯他任我予取予求。
孔老师的金庸讲座，让我忆起了在大学时的日子，和上一个真正好老师的一堂精彩的课的满足感。怀念当学生的感觉，读自己有兴趣的东西，发掘新的体会与知识的那种满足与兴奋。生活的自由，精神的丰富。
学生最近是让我开心地泉源。他们的乖巧，逗趣，偶尔的贴心举止。但，考试将临，他们的不懂事也是让我烦恼的泉源。总觉得，自己实在帮不了他们什么。
也不知我还要什么。不知道自己还缺什么。生活按计划而走，却不懂得享受这个过程，只懂得怀念。这样的人呀。
生亦何欢，死亦何忧，悠悠世人，自扰实多。
Sunday, September 03, 2006
What's in a bag?
Been lugging around a huge gym bag recently, and thus many friends’ greeting upon seeing me was not “hello” or “hey” but “what’s in the bag????” which prompted me to do this post which also helps me know exactly what am I lugging around???
Reminded somewhat of a local newspaper’s feature of detailing items in some celebrity's bag and decided to treat myself as a celebrity and do it that way with mini-explanations for each item, minus the cute celebrity photo :P
Shoes:
Ÿ white salsa character shoes, reason obvious
Ÿ black jazz shoes, for lyrical and ff’s groove & jazz and bodyjam classes
Ÿ blue track shoes/white dance sneakers in a black bbss shoebag, for step and combat classes
and yes, I do carry all three pairs of shoes around at days when I have all the classes!
Books:
Ÿ “Without You”, an autobiography I’m reading that P sent over from the states
Ÿ “Qingnian WenCai”, Chinese mag that the school ordered, great for short leisure reading and I’m using it to search for compre passages for the end-year paper I’m supposed to set
Ÿ Toefl guide book, borrowed from Eugene and my test is in two weeks!
Ÿ Blue Peking U jotter book, I have several such small notebooks, some pretty, some not. I use them to doodle and jot down notes… this one is already half filled with my Taiwan notes…
Utilities: since I joined the gym, I tend to shower before I go home… hence the many utilities pouches
Ÿ Shower pack, with my shampoo, facial cleanser etc in this waterproof black mesh bag that I keep in a plastic ziplock
Ÿ Moisturizer pack, a black kookai bag that holds a amazing array of moisturizers and toners etc for different times of the day and other extras like perfumes, combs etc
Ÿ Make up pouch, because I have some events recently like the RV dinner and JJ’s salsa party that requires make up…
Ÿ Jewelry pouch, to keep loose jewelry safe when I’m in the gym
Ÿ A change of clothes is usually in there too but it’s out the minute I get home…
Misc. Stuff:
Ÿ Ipod in a white drawstring pouch – for music
Ÿ iRiver mp3 player in a cute blue elephant pouch – I use this more as a usb drive and when my ipod batt dies on me
Ÿ my blue wallet (P has a matching grey one!) – holds my cards and cash
Ÿ 4 packets of tissue – I used to have none until I bought 4 for 1 dollar from a little boy at Maxwell last week
Ÿ Fitness First’s Sept/Oct schedule – I carry this all the time for easy reference
Ÿ Small packet of healthy snacks I bought from the Healthy Snack Day bazaar the school had last week… its quite yummy though I nickname it bird food
Ÿ And a piece of Dove Chocolate that my student gave me for teachers’ day
Ÿ Keys – on a green Chinese knot key chain my brother gave me back when I was fifteen
Ÿ My darling handphone in its amber handphone pouch – P bought this for me for our 5th Anniversary
Ÿ My Sec 3s’ formal letter papers – the current set of papers that I carry around all the time with the good intention of marking
Ÿ An array of red pens for marking and a single green pen for note-jotting
Ÿ A packet of red wet tissue I took from the ktv I went with my colleagues on teachers’ day – or to be more accurate, that Wanshi took and stuffed at me, saying that since we paid for it, might as well take it.
Ÿ A mismash of papers and bills lying right at the bottom of the bag that I do not dare to search through… it holds and is not restricted to my exams confirmation slips, information of various events I attended and have to attend like the Teacher Mass lecture and others I do not yet dare to think of…
Ÿ The Bag Itself! – a blue-grey Elle gym carry-all that I bought at Taiwan. I love it for carrying all my stuff without a complain :)
Monday, August 21, 2006
Tis' Life...
Had an extremely packed but fulfilling weekend…
My weekend started early on Friday night when I met up with Xuan for a quick dinner (p.s., there’s this mini bistro at Raffles Marketplace that sells quite yummy Saigon Baguette, refreshing filling and crispy bread, but must tell the girl to slice it else its very hard to eat) and the play, Salsa Salsa Salsa. I guess Homesick set quite a high bar… found Salsa x 3 slightly lacking with its choppy scenes and flubbed lines… still, for a first long play and the ability of the young playwright to get into the mind of 4 old ladies, its still a commendable effort.
Brought my students to Hwachong to attend a JC Seminar by NUS on Saturday morning, really enjoyed this outing. There was one lecture that was particularly interesting but that’s not the highlight. It was like a mass reunion, meeting up with my secondary school, jc and university teachers! I even met several ex-classmates-turned-teachers that were also bringing their students to attend. Caught up with kapoh who’s retiring end of this year… its sad… as he said, from next year onwards, when we step into the LEP room, there will be no familiar faces anymore… Also chatted with my uni prof who gave me several good suggestions on where to do my ma course. All the familiar faces made up for the slowly becoming unfamiliar campus… the two wings and canteen didn’t change, but the auditorium is one unfamiliar place… although one of my jc teachers commented that its actually deteriorating already…. Makes me feel old…
Rushed down afterwards for Belinda’s last jazz class… and probably also my last jazz class for awhile. She’s so sweet… and I’ll miss her so…
Went for a swim afterwards before salsa. Today is the complicated move that I remembered from Jan, didn’t help that I felt really tired…
Woke up at an unearthly hour on Sunday for the wushu competition… Reached school at 720am and the sports hall at 8am. Spent the whole day there as my kids’ last competition was at 4pm. Spent so much time and effort on this competition, both preparation and competing itself but it was all worth it, my kids did really well! We didn’t expect a single medal considering that we are so new and it’s an Open Championship. But we won 2 golds, 1 silver, 1 bronze and two placings of 4th and 5th. Really not bad at all for a first time try at the Open Championships! They are so moved that they actually cried on Saturday on winning our first gold. My sec 1s were in disbelief most of the time. Am really proud of them.
Went for dinner with my mom and dad after the competition at Sakae… I’m not spending enough time with them really… with my busy schedule… so was happy at the chance to spend some quality time with them.
Marked like mad for the weekend… have so many classes of essays, tests, letters and exercises that I’m slowly being flattened… Promised my Sec. 3s that they’ll be able to know their test results on Monday so was hiding in a corner at the sports hall on Sunday between my kids’ competition events to mark and stayed up last night to finish marking another class of essays. Will probably stay up tonight as well…. It’s the Annual Never-Ending Non-Stop August–October Marking Season again…. From CA to End-of-Year- to Mock Exams….
And so is life….
My weekend started early on Friday night when I met up with Xuan for a quick dinner (p.s., there’s this mini bistro at Raffles Marketplace that sells quite yummy Saigon Baguette, refreshing filling and crispy bread, but must tell the girl to slice it else its very hard to eat) and the play, Salsa Salsa Salsa. I guess Homesick set quite a high bar… found Salsa x 3 slightly lacking with its choppy scenes and flubbed lines… still, for a first long play and the ability of the young playwright to get into the mind of 4 old ladies, its still a commendable effort.
Brought my students to Hwachong to attend a JC Seminar by NUS on Saturday morning, really enjoyed this outing. There was one lecture that was particularly interesting but that’s not the highlight. It was like a mass reunion, meeting up with my secondary school, jc and university teachers! I even met several ex-classmates-turned-teachers that were also bringing their students to attend. Caught up with kapoh who’s retiring end of this year… its sad… as he said, from next year onwards, when we step into the LEP room, there will be no familiar faces anymore… Also chatted with my uni prof who gave me several good suggestions on where to do my ma course. All the familiar faces made up for the slowly becoming unfamiliar campus… the two wings and canteen didn’t change, but the auditorium is one unfamiliar place… although one of my jc teachers commented that its actually deteriorating already…. Makes me feel old…
Rushed down afterwards for Belinda’s last jazz class… and probably also my last jazz class for awhile. She’s so sweet… and I’ll miss her so…
Went for a swim afterwards before salsa. Today is the complicated move that I remembered from Jan, didn’t help that I felt really tired…
Woke up at an unearthly hour on Sunday for the wushu competition… Reached school at 720am and the sports hall at 8am. Spent the whole day there as my kids’ last competition was at 4pm. Spent so much time and effort on this competition, both preparation and competing itself but it was all worth it, my kids did really well! We didn’t expect a single medal considering that we are so new and it’s an Open Championship. But we won 2 golds, 1 silver, 1 bronze and two placings of 4th and 5th. Really not bad at all for a first time try at the Open Championships! They are so moved that they actually cried on Saturday on winning our first gold. My sec 1s were in disbelief most of the time. Am really proud of them.
Went for dinner with my mom and dad after the competition at Sakae… I’m not spending enough time with them really… with my busy schedule… so was happy at the chance to spend some quality time with them.
Marked like mad for the weekend… have so many classes of essays, tests, letters and exercises that I’m slowly being flattened… Promised my Sec. 3s that they’ll be able to know their test results on Monday so was hiding in a corner at the sports hall on Sunday between my kids’ competition events to mark and stayed up last night to finish marking another class of essays. Will probably stay up tonight as well…. It’s the Annual Never-Ending Non-Stop August–October Marking Season again…. From CA to End-of-Year- to Mock Exams….
And so is life….
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Another weekend's here...
Now Playing: Under the Weather - Kt Turnstall
It was a good week, partly due to the fact that there was only two days of school. Had quite a packed week though, but did mostly stuff that I liked doing and was doing for myself. Spoiled myself on Tuesday and Thursday and spent time with myself. Spent a lot of time with my family as well. Went to the gym with my mom on wed, and spent the day at home afterwards with my dad watching tv.
Met up with Lin on Thursday, with the both of us so busy, it was the first time we actually met up since the hols.
Watched Eleanor Wong’s Campaign on Friday after a extremely busy day at school. It wasn’t as good as Homesick, but it was still good. Guess it wasn’t personal enough for me. Watched it with Shuhui and Qinyu and we went for dinner/supper afterwards.
Took my kids down for translation competition on Sat morning to Changi. (got such a shock at the location when I first found out). I have really good kids for translation, it’s a competition that requires a lot of work and they are all so busy and piled up with work, yet they never fail to deliver. Even my backup who is even busier and won’t even really be taking part in the competition still did her work. I don’t know how we’ll do, but they have already done well for me and I'm so proud of them.
Went for Belinda’s jazz class afterwards and was so tired I lay down for a short nap since I was early. Went to the gym to swim after the class before going for salsa.
Yesterday night was a quiet night at union, but danced a lot; many friends turned up and had quite a good time.
Going to spend a quiet day today at home… woke up at 1pm! Finally going to get some marking done after the rude awakening that my class is due to write their 7th essay when I haven’t even marked the 5th and let them write their 6th…. I am so behind in my marking its slowly not being funny anymore…
Got two lovely presents this week…. A parcel from P which always brightens up my day with surprise postcards from DC where he stayed for a month and couldn’t find a single thing suitable for a memento and a sweet surprise from Lin of seaweed in the shape of animals she bought awhile back when I was feeling low. Feel so loved….
When I turn out the light, you're out of sight
Although I know that I'm not alone
Feels like home...
It was a good week, partly due to the fact that there was only two days of school. Had quite a packed week though, but did mostly stuff that I liked doing and was doing for myself. Spoiled myself on Tuesday and Thursday and spent time with myself. Spent a lot of time with my family as well. Went to the gym with my mom on wed, and spent the day at home afterwards with my dad watching tv.
Met up with Lin on Thursday, with the both of us so busy, it was the first time we actually met up since the hols.
Watched Eleanor Wong’s Campaign on Friday after a extremely busy day at school. It wasn’t as good as Homesick, but it was still good. Guess it wasn’t personal enough for me. Watched it with Shuhui and Qinyu and we went for dinner/supper afterwards.
Took my kids down for translation competition on Sat morning to Changi. (got such a shock at the location when I first found out). I have really good kids for translation, it’s a competition that requires a lot of work and they are all so busy and piled up with work, yet they never fail to deliver. Even my backup who is even busier and won’t even really be taking part in the competition still did her work. I don’t know how we’ll do, but they have already done well for me and I'm so proud of them.
Went for Belinda’s jazz class afterwards and was so tired I lay down for a short nap since I was early. Went to the gym to swim after the class before going for salsa.
Yesterday night was a quiet night at union, but danced a lot; many friends turned up and had quite a good time.
Going to spend a quiet day today at home… woke up at 1pm! Finally going to get some marking done after the rude awakening that my class is due to write their 7th essay when I haven’t even marked the 5th and let them write their 6th…. I am so behind in my marking its slowly not being funny anymore…
Got two lovely presents this week…. A parcel from P which always brightens up my day with surprise postcards from DC where he stayed for a month and couldn’t find a single thing suitable for a memento and a sweet surprise from Lin of seaweed in the shape of animals she bought awhile back when I was feeling low. Feel so loved….
When I turn out the light, you're out of sight
Although I know that I'm not alone
Feels like home...
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Weekend...
Had a full day of exercise on Saturday… counted when I met Eugene for dinner… it was about 7-8 hours! But somehow I’m not really aching anywhere today which is very good news. Muscles were screaming the whole of last week when I just started my exercise regime after joining my fitness centre. Hm… perhaps my body has adjusted to the change.
Yesterday was Vincent’s last class… quite sad… I’ll miss him so, he’s really the best instructor I’ve had… the one that can really motivate me to do the best I can. It doesn’t help that my other favorite jazz instructor is also leaving… Originally joined my fitness centre hoping that it can replace the jazz classes, but after taking one bodyjam class (supposedly the class that can replace my jazz classes), I’m starting to realize that its not quite the same thing… contemplating to try out O school… although how I’m going to be able to fit it in my current schedule is quite beyond my concept.
But I don’t regret joining my fitness centre despite the exorbitant fees…. The service is great and I still do like the classes, especially Body Balance. And for all that Body Jam lack in technique, it’s still a good workout. And so is Body Combat. And I love the saunas and steam rooms at all the clubs and the fact that I can shower and get my hair dry when I get home. Plus the view over the pool at One George St is absolutely gorgeous.…
All the exercise I’m doing is making me feel much better… somehow its clearing my head and I don’t feel so tired all the time so much… maybe because I don’t think so much when I’m doing the classes so my brain can finally take a break…
Woke up late today thou and decided to skip the morning body jam classes I was planning to take… after 6 days of exercise this week and the 7 hours yesterday, I guess I deserved it.
Watched Children’s Letters to God in the afternoon at the SRT. It was something different from Homesick on Friday… it had a certain innocent quality about it and yet something wise…the questions and the answers… I liked the songs and the actors are refreshing. Sometimes, perhaps we do need to see things from a different perspective… and a child always seems to see things clearer… with less distortions.
Met up with Dr. Lin for dinner at the Book Café and we had a wonderful chat… We always have so much to talk about and our conversations can range from academia gossip to thoughts of life…
All in all… it was a fulfilling weekend…
Yesterday was Vincent’s last class… quite sad… I’ll miss him so, he’s really the best instructor I’ve had… the one that can really motivate me to do the best I can. It doesn’t help that my other favorite jazz instructor is also leaving… Originally joined my fitness centre hoping that it can replace the jazz classes, but after taking one bodyjam class (supposedly the class that can replace my jazz classes), I’m starting to realize that its not quite the same thing… contemplating to try out O school… although how I’m going to be able to fit it in my current schedule is quite beyond my concept.
But I don’t regret joining my fitness centre despite the exorbitant fees…. The service is great and I still do like the classes, especially Body Balance. And for all that Body Jam lack in technique, it’s still a good workout. And so is Body Combat. And I love the saunas and steam rooms at all the clubs and the fact that I can shower and get my hair dry when I get home. Plus the view over the pool at One George St is absolutely gorgeous.…
All the exercise I’m doing is making me feel much better… somehow its clearing my head and I don’t feel so tired all the time so much… maybe because I don’t think so much when I’m doing the classes so my brain can finally take a break…
Woke up late today thou and decided to skip the morning body jam classes I was planning to take… after 6 days of exercise this week and the 7 hours yesterday, I guess I deserved it.
Watched Children’s Letters to God in the afternoon at the SRT. It was something different from Homesick on Friday… it had a certain innocent quality about it and yet something wise…the questions and the answers… I liked the songs and the actors are refreshing. Sometimes, perhaps we do need to see things from a different perspective… and a child always seems to see things clearer… with less distortions.
Met up with Dr. Lin for dinner at the Book Café and we had a wonderful chat… We always have so much to talk about and our conversations can range from academia gossip to thoughts of life…
All in all… it was a fulfilling weekend…
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Homesick
Just watched Alfian’s Homesick today and I have to say, for the first play in the inaugural Singapore Theatre Festival, it really set a high standard. It started off on a quirky note and somehow managed to keep the light tone through out the two hour play that handled almost all the difficult and often controversial issues that barrages all S’poreans… from stayers and quitters to racial discrimination… making us see and reflect on all the issues in a different light…
When I said I was going to watch Alfian’s new play, a friend said something about watching another gay play… well… she was wrong… If anything, Homesick proved Alfian’s ability to write beyond gay issues. Homesick is the quintessential Singapore play… it is essentially Singapore condensed into two hours. And that is such a rare thing. For a quality Singaporean play about Singapore…
Homesick reminded me of why I go to theatre… not just for entertainment and relaxation from musicals like Cabaret (which was a really good broadway-quality show) or to be moved by touching storylines… but to feel. Homesick did that. It dug deep within and resonates… and I saw little bits of me and the people around me in all its characters… for a first time, I saw Singapore on a stage.
A story about a family of five children and the fact that all five are scattered all over the world…. And the way each of them love and hate their home and their nation...the bitterness they feel towards the country they grew up in… the issues they brought up striking a chord each time…the fact that we are living one man’s dreams… and in that case what happens to our own dreams? The way we are seeking our roots and where should those roots be? In China or in Singapore? Are we first Singaporeans or Chinese? And what do we call our culture? The way that we somehow can never face the fact that someone in our family married someone of another race… and the way no one wants to live in S’pore their whole lives…
Its no secret that I’m not planning on living in S’pore all my life… and the play actually invoked all the feelings I have for this nation… love, belonging, resentment, indifference… and the truth that nothing can change the fact that I grew up here and this is where all my childhood memories are… I was born here and grew up here… I studied and lived in Bukit Timah…I buy groceries from NTUC and used to spend hours in the bookshop at Beauty World… I spend my weekends in Orchard and City Hall and I go to Kwan Im Temple to pray for safety and good results… hope and nostalgia...
This is where my memories are… in this country with all its idiosyncrasies that I cannot stand and in two hours, Aflian somehow managed to sum up all my feelings and when it ended, I felt the pain behind my eyes from tears that won’t fall when something deep within really hurt…
For all the hype on the controversy of the play (esp. the L word that took a hold over the after show q&a) , I see Homesick as a play about a home. About people that after and under everything, is simply seeking a place within their family… a place where they are accepted and loved. Essentially and deep down, that’s what every character in the play wants…. And what we all want. In the Playwright’s Message, Alfian talked about the true meaning of “homesickness”… of how it is possible to feel homesick without leaving your home at all… and our dual feelings about Singapore…
For all that Singapore is… an accidental nation that sometimes cannot even decide how old she is… with its shifting identity and groundless roots… it is still the place we grew up in… the place we know better than any other in the world. And in that, it is irreplaceable.
No matter how we hate it often and love it rarely… and how we resent it like a child resenting its mother… we cannot deny the umbilical cord that connects us and how we can never really cut it.
This play doesn’t really change anything about how I feel… but it does make me think and reflect deeper… and most importantly, it touched something in me…
After all, what is home? It’s not just a nation. It’s not just a house. Yet, do we abandon the nation and the house? What are we really attached to? What are we homesick for?
I’ll really like to recommend this play to every Singaporean… its not a perfect play, there are still some kinks in it (Patrick’s about-turn decision was too abrupt and made the ending a little too pat, some characters are under-utilized and slightly cardboard ), but overall it’s an excellent play. Alfian’s words held a grace and sensitivity as always. For a rare play that is wholly centered on Singapore… it’s amazing. For an ending where almost everyone leaves in the end…it is actually unbelievable truthful… Its something we can be proud of.
When I said I was going to watch Alfian’s new play, a friend said something about watching another gay play… well… she was wrong… If anything, Homesick proved Alfian’s ability to write beyond gay issues. Homesick is the quintessential Singapore play… it is essentially Singapore condensed into two hours. And that is such a rare thing. For a quality Singaporean play about Singapore…
Homesick reminded me of why I go to theatre… not just for entertainment and relaxation from musicals like Cabaret (which was a really good broadway-quality show) or to be moved by touching storylines… but to feel. Homesick did that. It dug deep within and resonates… and I saw little bits of me and the people around me in all its characters… for a first time, I saw Singapore on a stage.
A story about a family of five children and the fact that all five are scattered all over the world…. And the way each of them love and hate their home and their nation...the bitterness they feel towards the country they grew up in… the issues they brought up striking a chord each time…the fact that we are living one man’s dreams… and in that case what happens to our own dreams? The way we are seeking our roots and where should those roots be? In China or in Singapore? Are we first Singaporeans or Chinese? And what do we call our culture? The way that we somehow can never face the fact that someone in our family married someone of another race… and the way no one wants to live in S’pore their whole lives…
Its no secret that I’m not planning on living in S’pore all my life… and the play actually invoked all the feelings I have for this nation… love, belonging, resentment, indifference… and the truth that nothing can change the fact that I grew up here and this is where all my childhood memories are… I was born here and grew up here… I studied and lived in Bukit Timah…I buy groceries from NTUC and used to spend hours in the bookshop at Beauty World… I spend my weekends in Orchard and City Hall and I go to Kwan Im Temple to pray for safety and good results… hope and nostalgia...
This is where my memories are… in this country with all its idiosyncrasies that I cannot stand and in two hours, Aflian somehow managed to sum up all my feelings and when it ended, I felt the pain behind my eyes from tears that won’t fall when something deep within really hurt…
For all the hype on the controversy of the play (esp. the L word that took a hold over the after show q&a) , I see Homesick as a play about a home. About people that after and under everything, is simply seeking a place within their family… a place where they are accepted and loved. Essentially and deep down, that’s what every character in the play wants…. And what we all want. In the Playwright’s Message, Alfian talked about the true meaning of “homesickness”… of how it is possible to feel homesick without leaving your home at all… and our dual feelings about Singapore…
For all that Singapore is… an accidental nation that sometimes cannot even decide how old she is… with its shifting identity and groundless roots… it is still the place we grew up in… the place we know better than any other in the world. And in that, it is irreplaceable.
No matter how we hate it often and love it rarely… and how we resent it like a child resenting its mother… we cannot deny the umbilical cord that connects us and how we can never really cut it.
This play doesn’t really change anything about how I feel… but it does make me think and reflect deeper… and most importantly, it touched something in me…
After all, what is home? It’s not just a nation. It’s not just a house. Yet, do we abandon the nation and the house? What are we really attached to? What are we homesick for?
I’ll really like to recommend this play to every Singaporean… its not a perfect play, there are still some kinks in it (Patrick’s about-turn decision was too abrupt and made the ending a little too pat, some characters are under-utilized and slightly cardboard ), but overall it’s an excellent play. Alfian’s words held a grace and sensitivity as always. For a rare play that is wholly centered on Singapore… it’s amazing. For an ending where almost everyone leaves in the end…it is actually unbelievable truthful… Its something we can be proud of.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Babel...
Darn, haven’t updated for like forever… (but I did update my other journal!)
It rained today… just after I was complaining that it haven’t rained for like forever yesterday when it was so darn hot. Was looking out of the bus window this morning and the skies were so black… not a spot of white and one would even think it’s still night… reminded me of the “end of the days” Hollywood movies… it was so going to rain.. .. ha. And when it did, its literally torrents. Actually quite enjoyed it as I was all safe and dry in school when it rained :p
Been out of school for the afternoons the past few days for oral (ha, it does sound kinda dirty when I say that as Nick pointed out the other day) Its kinda interesting and occasionally funny, been entertaining my mom and friends with oral anecdotes the past few days which masked the boring bits when I kept wanting the fall asleep while the kids droned on and on in front of me.
But it came at a really bad time (is there ever a good time?)… with the speech day coming up and wushu training mounting and the Beijing exchange school people coming this Saturday… I’m supposed to call all the sights we are to visit and arrange for the tours (feel like a tour agency) but I keep not been able to do that as when I get home from oral, the offices are already closed. And all that not including the actual teaching work and lesson preparations. Already am not been able to give my class homework this weekend coz I don’t have time to finish marking their books (can imagine them jumping for joy and praising oral to the heavens). Well, they had double last weekend anyway.
Am exceedingly tired also becoz I had a couple of late nights. Went for The Dresser on Tuesday. It was a pretty good play, there’s a lot of meat in it. Am starting to really like Adrian Pang… didn’t really take him seriously before with only seeing his comic roles on tv. But he’s a wonderful actor… his accent is amazing. And Wed was my second spins class. Am so going to miss Vince when he’s gone. And he’s going for two years! When he comes back, I’ll probably be juz weeks away from leaving for the states too. Darn Darn double darn. Thinking of trying a new jazz class somewhere… either the dance school opposite my place or this jazz school my brother is going to with a really funny name O.
Well, good news would be that I got a new cellphone. It’s a early anniversary pressie from P coz my old one’s keypad isn’t working. It was a horror to sms on and people probably found it weird (or as jx said, very character) to receive smses from me with zero spaces and only Caps to tell each word from each other. LikeThis. But I do miss my old phone… it was a 2nd anniversary pressie from P as well and I planned to use it forever and forever or at least until it broke apart… Still, I do like this new one. It comes with a camera (not a very good one but still usable) and I like being able to take shots whenever I see anything pretty… except I still can’t download the photos… apparently I need a CA-42 cable which somehow costs 88 bucks. Why does a cable cost 88 bucks when my cell only costs 168 bucks?!?! That’s like half the price of the phone. I so cannot understand.
Well.. tmr’s going to be somewhat of a treat with no oral, a short and hopefully interesting seminar and then will be going for my monthly pedicure. Will be trying a new pedicurist. And then its my weekly Friday dancing!
And that’s the end of this really boring babel…. (ha, from my translation class! I actually saw my favorite class from last year today for translation… am quite happy… but they feel different… not as sweet as last year… well… kids grow up….so sad….)
It rained today… just after I was complaining that it haven’t rained for like forever yesterday when it was so darn hot. Was looking out of the bus window this morning and the skies were so black… not a spot of white and one would even think it’s still night… reminded me of the “end of the days” Hollywood movies… it was so going to rain.. .. ha. And when it did, its literally torrents. Actually quite enjoyed it as I was all safe and dry in school when it rained :p
Been out of school for the afternoons the past few days for oral (ha, it does sound kinda dirty when I say that as Nick pointed out the other day) Its kinda interesting and occasionally funny, been entertaining my mom and friends with oral anecdotes the past few days which masked the boring bits when I kept wanting the fall asleep while the kids droned on and on in front of me.
But it came at a really bad time (is there ever a good time?)… with the speech day coming up and wushu training mounting and the Beijing exchange school people coming this Saturday… I’m supposed to call all the sights we are to visit and arrange for the tours (feel like a tour agency) but I keep not been able to do that as when I get home from oral, the offices are already closed. And all that not including the actual teaching work and lesson preparations. Already am not been able to give my class homework this weekend coz I don’t have time to finish marking their books (can imagine them jumping for joy and praising oral to the heavens). Well, they had double last weekend anyway.
Am exceedingly tired also becoz I had a couple of late nights. Went for The Dresser on Tuesday. It was a pretty good play, there’s a lot of meat in it. Am starting to really like Adrian Pang… didn’t really take him seriously before with only seeing his comic roles on tv. But he’s a wonderful actor… his accent is amazing. And Wed was my second spins class. Am so going to miss Vince when he’s gone. And he’s going for two years! When he comes back, I’ll probably be juz weeks away from leaving for the states too. Darn Darn double darn. Thinking of trying a new jazz class somewhere… either the dance school opposite my place or this jazz school my brother is going to with a really funny name O.
Well, good news would be that I got a new cellphone. It’s a early anniversary pressie from P coz my old one’s keypad isn’t working. It was a horror to sms on and people probably found it weird (or as jx said, very character) to receive smses from me with zero spaces and only Caps to tell each word from each other. LikeThis. But I do miss my old phone… it was a 2nd anniversary pressie from P as well and I planned to use it forever and forever or at least until it broke apart… Still, I do like this new one. It comes with a camera (not a very good one but still usable) and I like being able to take shots whenever I see anything pretty… except I still can’t download the photos… apparently I need a CA-42 cable which somehow costs 88 bucks. Why does a cable cost 88 bucks when my cell only costs 168 bucks?!?! That’s like half the price of the phone. I so cannot understand.
Well.. tmr’s going to be somewhat of a treat with no oral, a short and hopefully interesting seminar and then will be going for my monthly pedicure. Will be trying a new pedicurist. And then its my weekly Friday dancing!
And that’s the end of this really boring babel…. (ha, from my translation class! I actually saw my favorite class from last year today for translation… am quite happy… but they feel different… not as sweet as last year… well… kids grow up….so sad….)
Sunday, July 02, 2006
《天…使我爱你》
好久没看到这么一部让我流那么多泪水的戏了。《天…使我爱你》。
很喜欢开始的部分，信和小悦的爱情，那么的单纯，那么的甜蜜。信确实很呆，打扮也好土，一般女孩子，在看到自己被配到一个那么土气的男生照顾，一定很失望吧。但小悦却看到了那外表下的一颗真心。所以，她拥有了一个天使。
那么简单的恋情。雨天的伞，感冒时的感冒药。小女生的撒娇，小男生的呆气，面对女生的脾气时木讷得好好笑。那么让人会心，那么让人心疼。却是那么的梦幻，梦幻得让我们知道，是无法长久的。
真的不认同信的做法。无论带着多么深的祝福，亲手把自己的最爱推给别人，仍旧是残酷的。对自己残酷，对所爱的人残酷。
结局的多变是个败笔，大概连编剧也不知该如何结束，所以就什么都放进去了。但无论如何，仍是一部我喜欢的片子。
尤其喜欢编剧抄自《榭寄生》的那一句话，无论你在那里，我只离你一个转身的距离。
Guardian Angel，都是离我们这样远吧。只是一个转身的距离，但我们一转身，就看不到，因为，他已到我们身后守护我们了。
Sunday, June 25, 2006
偷得浮生一日闲
在开学前的一天，偷得一个几近完美的一天，一个晶莹的时刻。早上八点起来，父亲送我去看一部有趣的话剧。Play on Earth。是在三个国家同时上演的一个话剧，除了新加坡之外，还有英国和巴西的演员。一个跨越空间的演出，十分特别。我们还能看到其他国家的观众，还能相互招手。构思十分新颖，且演出也相当不错。
演出完毕时，才十点半。还很早，呼吸着早晨的空气，在一个酒吧街上，早晨是冷清的，但很新鲜。跑去一个朋友介绍的Book Café，那儿有舒服的沙发和许多书籍杂志，很适合烂上一整天，但因为距离远，所以只来过一次。现在正巧，从剧场走去不到五分钟就到了。找了个靠窗的沙发，赖在沙发上，点了一杯可可清啜，听着Café播的音乐，拿出一班作文卷子改，阳光明亮，不知不觉竟改了大半班。偶尔发闷时，捡起一本书随意翻阅，感觉有些糜烂。
一直呆到下午1点，才愿意伸直身子，收拾书包离开。散步到巴士站，搭巴士去乌节的图书馆和书店逛逛，再去KFC边吃炸鸡腿边读许佑生的小说。吃完后时间刚好看电影《王的男人》。电影拍得不错，戏子的戏很好笑，但就是悲了一点。
看完戏便搭巴士去滨海艺术中心。先去图书馆，找了个靠海的沙发，缩在沙发中，欣赏海景和对面的Fullerton的城市景象。看完了小说，再把这一班的作文卷子改完。
大约7点，起身到楼下的寿司店吃寿司刺身。点了一盘刺身配Baby Octopus，还有几碟寿司。吃得很满足。
晚上看澳洲剧团的Shorter and Sweeter。是一个由八个十分钟的短剧组成的话剧，每个短剧都很有意思，让人发笑，但也发人深省。其中一个《狗的心声》让我觉得很不舒服，另一个《城市一夜情》似乎给人希望。最后一个《极乐园》真的让人爆笑。是个让人很好玩的剧场。
好喜欢今天，并不是假日，人不太多，天气晴朗，感觉很舒服。
好喜欢今天，从早晨起床的那刻，时时刻刻都有所期待，感觉很清新。
戴了我喜欢的蝴蝶耳坠，移动时能感觉到蝴蝶轻盈地飞，仿佛如我的心情一般轻快。
好开心，偷得浮生一日闲。
Monday, June 19, 2006
Taiwan
Back from Taiwan…. Really enjoyed the week of backpacking with P…hostels and different itineraries every day… Missed these days of travel that we did in Europe which was 2 years ago already… P still remembered the strains of songs we created during the Europe days… traveling in the states just isn’t the same when we had permanent “homes”.Spent 4 days in Tainan and 3 days in Taipei… Deliberately did this so that we’ll have more days in the country… Stayed in a Home-stay owned by a couple and it was like staying with their family. So very homey, complete with picking up their two kids everyday from school and playing with the kids at night. The couple was very warm and welcoming… The dad was also our personal guide and chauffer for the four days, bringing us to different sights everyday and ensuring that we get the full Tainan experience, from lotus blossom fields to the bamboo groves and tea fields mountains to the seaside coastal areas of oyster and salt fields… Different landscape every single day….It made our entire trip much easier and way more informative… and we had an experience of a kind of the lives of the people there…
First day was a rainy day… we went to GuanZi Ling… visited two ancient temples and had a free vegetarian lunch at one of the temples… it was a quiet day… the calming sense of old temples and the light drizzle…
We visited the lotus blossoms the second day… the reason we came to Tainan… because it’s the lotus and water lilies season… fields and fields of pink and white lotus in bloom and fragrant water lilies of every color with the backdrop of gold rice fields… Had a chance to pick the water lilies and drink the flower essence as well. Did the famous Guan Zi Ling mud hot springs and spa at night… so comfy…. Also went up to see the night lights after…
Went to Xi Tou Mountains the third day. It’s a mountain with tea fields at the top and covered in bamboo groves… We actually visited the tea fields owned by friends of our host family… so its not a tourist sight and we had the place all to ourselves… at the top of the mountains with a breathtaking view of tea fields and cloud-covered mountains…. With only the tea pickers in sight… it was ethereal…..
Last day was spent by the sea…. Took a ferry out to see how oysters are grown and harvested before barbequing fresh oysters… naturally salted by the salty sea water and so sweet by itself… attempted to climb a salt mountain afterwards which is much harder than we thought… the salt was loose and slippery and the also coarse and rough on the hands… wanted to give up halfway but two guys that already attempted the climb twice (they wanted to try to climb the mountain from different sides !?! ) told us to try and climbed up again behind us to support us. The view on top of the salt fields and fish ponds surrounded the area was worth it, but the sense of satisfaction is even better. We slid our way down, thankful that our jeans were thick enough : )
There are other little things as well… catching fireflies at night… visiting a cow farm and drinking milk freshly squeezed… a gorgeous sunset over a lake created by a dam… a Chatres-like hostel area of a local university… overall Tainan is a beautiful place…
The quiet and country pace of Tainan made us unused to the bustle and polluted air of Taipei… which is perhaps why we didn’t really like the city all that much… although we had happy memories of Shilin Night Market (where we spent out first night before taking the train to Tainan… loved the yummy foods and the relaxed atmosphere of the teahouse where we spent an hour sipping tea and listening to music). Spent our second night at Xi Meng Ting shopping… bought a sports bag that I have been looking for forever and clothes… Spent 3 hours in Eslite Bookstore (I love that bookstore!)… would have stayed longer if not for P complaining…
Escaped to Yang Ming Shan the next day…Trekked up to JuanSi waterfalls and Qing Tian Gang Grasslands…. It was a easy trek under the cooling green canopy and with a soundtrack of rushing spring waters… QingTian Gang is an amazingly rolling grasslands of several scenic tops with a cooling breeze… but the next trek up to Seven Stars Garden and Dream Lake wasn’t as easy… it was a killing trek up steep, crumbling steps under the hot noon sun… but the view is breathtaking… Trekked across the mountain to the other side of Yang Ming Shan before doing another hot spring and taking the bus down to the city… went to Sun Yat Sen Memorial Hall which is like one huge community centre… P couldn’t believe his eyes when a father and son holding badminton rackets walked in to the square and proceeded to play badminton right in front of us in on the road! Had dinner at Ding Tai Fung… the original store brimming with customers and a long queue.
Last day was spent at the Palace Museum and its amazing collection depicting the development of pottery glazing and various fine arts… went to Taipei Story House after that… a cute little house with a changing exhibition and this time it happened to be one on Wu Xia, my fave topic!
Overall, it was a wonderful week… tiring yes, but fulfilling too… and it made us feel like young students again…
Saturday, June 10, 2006
I would do it again...
I would do it again. I would kill, destroy, maim – and I would love you anyway.
Don’t. Don’t say that. You can’t. You can’t have both.
Oh, but don’t you see. I already do.
These few lines…..they haunt me. They circle in my head again and again…
Don’t. Don’t say that. You can’t. You can’t have both.
Oh, but don’t you see. I already do.
These few lines…..they haunt me. They circle in my head again and again…
Thursday, June 08, 2006
little memories of happiness
I’m a terribly unorganized and untidy person. Anyone who has seen my room or my office table can attest to that. I’m also the kind that refuses to throw anything away, thinking of them as mementoes that are keepers and proofs of memories in my life. It accounts for a lot of rubbish, but occasionally, every now and then, I find it so true and worth it… little moments in life that I will be madly searching through my bags for a misplaced ezy-link card and come across a mini-calendar-card-sized Manhattan subway map that I stuck in the hidden corner of a bag back in June when I was in New York….or picking up a bag that I haven’t used for ages and opening the front pocket to find ancient trans-island yellow bus tickets that reminded me of a time when P used to fold hearts out of these little bits of paper… combing through my wallet for cash only to come across faded cinema tickets that remind me of both the film and the friend I watched it with…sifting through my piles of paper to uncover a note written by a best friend that somehow got stuck there (probably when said friend helped my clean up my desk!)….digging into the pocket of a jacket to bring out a foreign coin I stuck there once when overseas… little memories of happiness and the little moment when I happen across these little bits of proofs allow me to relive the times…and I know its worth it… to live with all the clutter and the insanity of searching through everything madly to find whatever it is I need buried under everything and anything every single time… for these little moments of surprises and never knowing when I’m going to happen across a happy memory….
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Bintan
Had three divine days in Bintan.... Beautiful beaches, clear waters and the softest white sands imaginable and the greenest tropical trees for a contrast… and a lovely horizon where the skies and seas dissolved into each other…Idyllic days… a blissful three hour spa on the first day… such indulgence… loved the room with all the rustic touches and the heavenly scent and a view of the beach. I could sit there and sip sunflower tea all day…
Did water-skiing and jetski the second morning. Water-skiing was fun, the adrenaline rush and the feel of flying on water… but jet-skis beats it hands down with the pure speed and easy fun! It’s like motorcycle on water with the additional benefit of accelerating all the way.
Spent the day relaxing by the swimming pool with a book and ice-cream and dips in the pool when it got warm… and P buzzing around my ears all afternoon like a mosquito without a book to entertain him :p
Went for a walk along the beach… climbed the rocks for a view of breakers crashing against the rock… and walked from one point of the beach to the other.. the waves crashing around our bare feet… and sun glittering on the sea… picked up two pieces of coral with intricate designs… Went for a swim at sunset…swam towards the setting sun with the warmth of the sun rays on my back…
It was a wonderful three days and two nights of being pampered and looked after…felt like a princess…
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Greece
Finally finished arranging my Greece Photos … brought me a trip down memory lane, seeing as it’s been five years since the trip (see how much I procrastinate!)
Greece will always have a special place in my heart… its one of the places I visit and actually want to return and stay forever (Switzerland and Boston are the only two other places). Love the isles and the Aegean, Mykonos with its gentle allure of blue and white calming spirit and Santorini with its irresistible fiery volcanic beauty… the windmills and clear waters and the glitter of the cities at the edge of the cliffs….Love wandering about Athens… never knowing if you are going to happen on one of the historical archeological sites buried under the city…living among the ancient civilization…with the Acropolis in view whenever you lift your head…
I just want to go back…
Greece will always have a special place in my heart… its one of the places I visit and actually want to return and stay forever (Switzerland and Boston are the only two other places). Love the isles and the Aegean, Mykonos with its gentle allure of blue and white calming spirit and Santorini with its irresistible fiery volcanic beauty… the windmills and clear waters and the glitter of the cities at the edge of the cliffs….Love wandering about Athens… never knowing if you are going to happen on one of the historical archeological sites buried under the city…living among the ancient civilization…with the Acropolis in view whenever you lift your head…
I just want to go back…
Friday, May 26, 2006
last day of school
Just finished packing… the staff room is a mad, mad place… open boxes and huge, black trash bags all over the place and blocking the already congested narrow passageways and towers piled precariously on top of each other. The high-pitch shriek of tearing tape can be heard the entire day together with laughter and moans as we perform acrobatic acts of hopping over the open boxes and avoid stepping into trash bags… of how we managed to accumulate so much trash and how we wish we can sweep everything one-handed into the trash bags… and how we again managed to pack something we need right now into a box already taped close… and naturally, we will not, even at the risk of gunpoint, open a box we have packed full and taped close which is naturally at the bottom of our tower of boxes anyway (Yes, I'm exaggerating)…
For a last day of term, chaos is perfectly normal as usual.
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My life has been full of newspapers recently. It included the trouble-strewn sec. 1 newspaper collections in which my kids brought newspapers on the wrong day and culminating to yesterday where they went all around the school in a one-day-garang guni attempt to collect at least 200 kg of newspaper and actually managing to collect more than 300 kg, earning the school 30 dollars…. The class was a mess of recycled paper the day before the newspaper collections… and my sec. 3 classes said they were missing newspapers due to the over-eager collectors. :p My kids can really do things when they put their heart to it… like the classroom cleaning… after a lot of nagging, the class was sparkling clean… floor mopped, tables wiped and all the corners wiped free of dust.. am so proud of them. Will be bringing P to the class barbeque on the 8th, looking forward to their reaction :p
Also spent the past few days chasing after my Sec. 3 kids for way overdue newspaper cuttings… I actually really don't care but as the newspaper cuttings are compulsory to all, I have to do it. Spent the last day of school marking their newspaper comprehensions and ordering them to read newspapers at least once a week to build up their current affairs knowledge…
Actually feel quite hypocritical every time I tell my kids that they have to read newspapers… because I don't do it myself! For someone that gets her current affairs updates from reading Mr. Brown's blog every once in a blue moon (and marking my students' newspaper cuttings), I'm not a very good person for encouraging religious newspaper readings…
In fact, I remember back when I was a fresh 'A' level grad deciding which scholarship to pick up, upon hearing my decision to do the teaching scholarship, my ex-CL teacher said, "Are you sure? CL teachers have to read a lot of Chinese newspapers leh." Ha. She knows me best.
Despite her warnings, I still chose the teaching scholarship. And so here I am now. Force-feeding newspaper readings on students and not reading newspapers myself…but the newspapers reading are so necessary for the exams… without reading newspapers and going for exams is like going out shopping without money… but they so don't understand…
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Wednesday, May 24, 2006
first teaching anniversary
Today marks the first year anniversary of teaching… and I almost didn't remember. If not for the alarm I set a long time ago… it would have passed by without a ripple in my teaching life… Running up and down… scolding students for matters ranging from breaking the fluorescent tube by playing ball to not collecting enough newspapers… settling matters like their class outing and confiscating Da Vinci Code from students reading illegally in my class…It's a day just like another.
Still. It's been a year. Congratulations to myself.
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Went for a course yesterday and skipped a day of school. Kept falling asleep though, am so tired. Only woke up for the discussions. The instructor played a movie at the end of the course and said it wasn't compulsory to stay behind… naturally, most people left. I was one of the three that stayed behind… partly because I felt bad, partly because the show left an impression. Remembering the Titans, it was a film more on the segregation between the whites and black than on team cohesion, still, it was no less inspirational. When Gerry met with the accident and Julius visited him, his answer to the nurse's statement of only kin is allowed is simply heartbreakingly true.
For a film that handles racial segregation and harmony issues, Remembering the Titans is definitely way more idealistic than Crash, despite being a true story. But sometimes, instead of handling the issues in a way that uses thought-provoking pain, films that give us hope might not leave a stronger impact, but it does give us a reason to try…
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Term's ending… although it doesn't feel like it. I don't feel the sense of finality or relief. Not to say that I do at any end of term week. Work is still piled up and continues to pile as I type… Looking forward to the holidays though, especially for Bintan… three days of relaxing, with nothing more stressful than waking up late and lazing by the beach… swimming in the sea and ache-releasing spas…. Three days of not thinking of anything but what to eat for dinner…in fact, I'm not going to think about that either, P can decide. ….Three days of heaven…
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Went for drinks with Lin last Sat as I was feeling moody…. I actually hate the taste of alcohol. But I just wanted to not think. Turned out it didn't really work. Went to two places, the lounge at Ritz recced by Gab, and Postbar at the Fullerton . Only had three drinks but I already felt dizzy and threw up. A bartender was so worried that she held my hand all the way to the toilet and pushed a mug of warm lime water to Lin to make me drink when I didn't return to the bar after. Lin was amazing… she took care of me all night, entertaining my whims and tantrums and took me home when it appeared that I shouldn't drink anymore… I don't remember all that I've said except that it was probably very embarrassing and nonsensical and she stayed with me all the way and through the night… She said she's never seen me so upset in all our years of friendship and I'm long overdue for a breakdown… I don't know, all I know is that I hope I can snap out of this mood soon…. And I'm incredibly lucky to have Lin….
Still. It's been a year. Congratulations to myself.
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Went for a course yesterday and skipped a day of school. Kept falling asleep though, am so tired. Only woke up for the discussions. The instructor played a movie at the end of the course and said it wasn't compulsory to stay behind… naturally, most people left. I was one of the three that stayed behind… partly because I felt bad, partly because the show left an impression. Remembering the Titans, it was a film more on the segregation between the whites and black than on team cohesion, still, it was no less inspirational. When Gerry met with the accident and Julius visited him, his answer to the nurse's statement of only kin is allowed is simply heartbreakingly true.
For a film that handles racial segregation and harmony issues, Remembering the Titans is definitely way more idealistic than Crash, despite being a true story. But sometimes, instead of handling the issues in a way that uses thought-provoking pain, films that give us hope might not leave a stronger impact, but it does give us a reason to try…
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Term's ending… although it doesn't feel like it. I don't feel the sense of finality or relief. Not to say that I do at any end of term week. Work is still piled up and continues to pile as I type… Looking forward to the holidays though, especially for Bintan… three days of relaxing, with nothing more stressful than waking up late and lazing by the beach… swimming in the sea and ache-releasing spas…. Three days of not thinking of anything but what to eat for dinner…in fact, I'm not going to think about that either, P can decide. ….Three days of heaven…
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Went for drinks with Lin last Sat as I was feeling moody…. I actually hate the taste of alcohol. But I just wanted to not think. Turned out it didn't really work. Went to two places, the lounge at Ritz recced by Gab, and Postbar at the Fullerton . Only had three drinks but I already felt dizzy and threw up. A bartender was so worried that she held my hand all the way to the toilet and pushed a mug of warm lime water to Lin to make me drink when I didn't return to the bar after. Lin was amazing… she took care of me all night, entertaining my whims and tantrums and took me home when it appeared that I shouldn't drink anymore… I don't remember all that I've said except that it was probably very embarrassing and nonsensical and she stayed with me all the way and through the night… She said she's never seen me so upset in all our years of friendship and I'm long overdue for a breakdown… I don't know, all I know is that I hope I can snap out of this mood soon…. And I'm incredibly lucky to have Lin….
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Despondency
Haven't updated for what feels like forever but turns out to be only roughly one month. This is so not good… bad, bad behavior.
Let's see… news of the month… my wushu kids did really well, most got quite a good ranking and it's was a very good experience for them. One of them did miraculously well and won a gold medal! She beat 20 other pple that trained for years even though she only trained for 2 months. Quite proud of them, for a first time, its quite a achievement.
Marking season came and went together with its days and nights of hell-froze-over-nothing-is-more-important-than-non-stop-marking…
Watched a number of plays… but somehow all seems rather blurry in my mind now except for a very simple production of Dogs Barking at a obscure corner of this little island that I've never been before. The acting was okay and the set was good but the play itself was unexpectedly provoking… the ideas of how people and emotions change and yet essentially do not… unspeakable stuff that we are capable of doing to those we once loved and still do love… I especially liked the way it ended with a short look at the way it all once started… we forget sometimes… that we were the ones that hurt ourselves in the beginning… but who can blame us? Was crying at the bus stop after the play… somehow it touched a part of me that I didn't expect…
Other shows include Burn the Floor (quality dancing), A Very British Affair (a fun night out with lots of laugh although the singing really quite sucks compared to real Broadway) and others that blurs in my mind now…
A top news recently would be the scary dental operation I underwent… with needles and thread and scissors and drills waving all over my face and a half numb jaw plus five days of porridge in which I naturally crave my Ruffles chips… all in exchange for taking out two wisdom teeth. It all seems so not worthwhile… Teeth are still numb.
Been taking turns class recently…. And conclusion is that a lot more classes are needed before I can do my turns… Haven't danced for a long time due to the operation and won't be dancing again this week as I'm watching Man of Letters on Friday with Gabriel…
Thursday, May 04, 2006
爱玫瑰
在听周华健的“爱玫瑰“。听到一句“爱在十七是完美，怎么都不会累，他吻了我的额头让我无法入睡 “。带回了许多回忆。与其说回忆，不如说感觉。十七岁时的爱情，什么都甜美。似乎没有什么比之更重要。每天都为之开心或伤心得无法入睡。只在乎感觉。那么 的天真，单纯。相比下，现在的爱情，成熟，疲惫。考虑的东西之多，已远远超过当时简单的感觉。
“爱在你眼中是谁？会不会有玫瑰？“
我的爱情没有玫瑰，有的是百合与薰衣草。还有一个北京夜晚，我漫步回宿舍时买的满天星。虽然不是他送的，但我记得，那时我一手抱着满天星，一手握着手机和他讲话，心中的喜悦有他陪我分享。
他很久没送我花了。因为慢慢发现，花儿凋谢时的伤感已渐渐胜过收到花儿的喜悦，因此告诉他别再送了。有心就好。（而且新加坡的花比北京的贵太多了）
不知为何，忽然间很想收到一束满天星。简单，单纯。
Sunday, April 09, 2006
scrambled thoughts
April 9th. Today is a special day because of a promise made.
Suddenly, everything is seen through different light… nothing changes but everything changes… essentially…
Its funny how everything happens on the 9th for us… hopefully it really means something ...
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On another note, yesterday was the translation competition. I’m so proud of my kids! They actually got into the finals ^_^ I really didn’t expect them to get in despite all my threats. I know, its only 4th, but 4 out of 79 teams means a great deal. And they really did very well and stood up under some very tough competition. I know that they are still upset with the results (they were so close!) but I’m really very proud of them already. All those training sessions were really worth it. They were quite disappointed when they knew that the trophy and prize money were all going straight to the school, so I treated them to lunch at Sakae after. I’ll miss them with the end of weekly training sessions… (and they were talking about celebrating their freedom!)
One down, five more competition days to go… hope my wushu kids do as well …
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Next two weeks will be hell with the afternoons all taken up and marking undone… Chinese orals for the first week and Wushu competitons the second. Still there’s Good Friday to look forward to. Treating Shimei for a pedicure and going for a play after on Sat. And may be meeting up with my favorite aunt for her birthday on Fri itself.
Also will be meeting JX. Both of us have been making plans to meet up since mid-March and the planned dinner never materialized… Its like “Why are you so busy???” and “Why are YOU so busy???” right back between the both of us... finally set a date on the 17th which both of us die die will make it for…
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April is my theatre month (I seem to have theatre months every alternate months! Watched numerous plays in Feb and none in Jan and March. Watching numerous plays in April and none in May. Already bought 4 tickets for June coz it’s the Arts Fest and none as yet for July… hmm. Weird coincidence?)
Watched A Language of Their Own by checkpoint theatre and loved it. The acting was above average though not fantastic but the play itself was absolutely amazing… pure poetry in action. It had me in tears at several points… the raw truth and emotions spilling out amidst the words…The flaws of humans and the way we destroy the people we love because we don’t dare to keep them for fear of losing them… We push what we want away because we are afraid of we want it too much… or we grip it too hard and shatter it anyway…
Also caught the finals of Campus Superstar and although I didn’t watch any of the preludes, I enjoyed the show. I think I fell in love with the winner from my alma-matar. He’s so cute and huggable! Plus I really liked the songs he sang. I’m quite impressed with the standard of these kids and the camaraderie they showed… reminded me of my JC days as Xinping said in her blog.
P booked his tix back for June… Can’t wait to see him and the days we get to spend together… Plan to take at least two trips together… Miss the way his presence calms me…. Miss the trips we take together and the experiences we share…
And that’s the end of this overdue and overlong update…
Suddenly, everything is seen through different light… nothing changes but everything changes… essentially…
Its funny how everything happens on the 9th for us… hopefully it really means something ...
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On another note, yesterday was the translation competition. I’m so proud of my kids! They actually got into the finals ^_^ I really didn’t expect them to get in despite all my threats. I know, its only 4th, but 4 out of 79 teams means a great deal. And they really did very well and stood up under some very tough competition. I know that they are still upset with the results (they were so close!) but I’m really very proud of them already. All those training sessions were really worth it. They were quite disappointed when they knew that the trophy and prize money were all going straight to the school, so I treated them to lunch at Sakae after. I’ll miss them with the end of weekly training sessions… (and they were talking about celebrating their freedom!)
One down, five more competition days to go… hope my wushu kids do as well …
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Next two weeks will be hell with the afternoons all taken up and marking undone… Chinese orals for the first week and Wushu competitons the second. Still there’s Good Friday to look forward to. Treating Shimei for a pedicure and going for a play after on Sat. And may be meeting up with my favorite aunt for her birthday on Fri itself.
Also will be meeting JX. Both of us have been making plans to meet up since mid-March and the planned dinner never materialized… Its like “Why are you so busy???” and “Why are YOU so busy???” right back between the both of us... finally set a date on the 17th which both of us die die will make it for…
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April is my theatre month (I seem to have theatre months every alternate months! Watched numerous plays in Feb and none in Jan and March. Watching numerous plays in April and none in May. Already bought 4 tickets for June coz it’s the Arts Fest and none as yet for July… hmm. Weird coincidence?)
Watched A Language of Their Own by checkpoint theatre and loved it. The acting was above average though not fantastic but the play itself was absolutely amazing… pure poetry in action. It had me in tears at several points… the raw truth and emotions spilling out amidst the words…The flaws of humans and the way we destroy the people we love because we don’t dare to keep them for fear of losing them… We push what we want away because we are afraid of we want it too much… or we grip it too hard and shatter it anyway…
Remember that I didn't like Chay Yew's Porcelain which was the first part of he trilogy... really interested in Half Lives, the last of his Whitelands trilogy, waiting for it to show in singapore...
Next was A Beautiful Companion… watched this with some of my colleagues. We went for the pay-as-you-wish show. It was ok… the plot and acting was good, but the play itself was draggy.
And watched West Side Story on the 7th. (Bought the tickets last Nov on the day ticket sale opened and we still couldn’t get seats anywhere near the front! But still got center orch tickets). Enjoyed the show, as I was telling Shuhui… Some shows you go in expecting it to be good already because of the reputation (and the darn ticket price), so even when it does turn out above average, you aren’t blown away. (but there are exceptions like Wicked, that was out of my expectations!) West Side was good, yes, but it wasn’t mind-blowing fantastic. The vocals and set are of excellent caliber but it isn’t any less or more than my expectations. The only gripe I had was why didn’t Maria die in the end?!?! It isn’t loyal to R&J as I expected it to be.
Watching 2 or 3 plays towards the end of the month… will update when I get around to it…
Also caught the finals of Campus Superstar and although I didn’t watch any of the preludes, I enjoyed the show. I think I fell in love with the winner from my alma-matar. He’s so cute and huggable! Plus I really liked the songs he sang. I’m quite impressed with the standard of these kids and the camaraderie they showed… reminded me of my JC days as Xinping said in her blog.
P booked his tix back for June… Can’t wait to see him and the days we get to spend together… Plan to take at least two trips together… Miss the way his presence calms me…. Miss the trips we take together and the experiences we share…
And that’s the end of this overdue and overlong update…
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
平凡的歌
最近在教《母亲》这个课题。学校的一个实习老师找来了一首阿牛的歌曲，《妈妈的爱有多少斤》。歌词很浅白，旋律柔和。很久没听这么单纯的一首歌了，没修 饰，没技巧，就是简简单单地将一个母亲和孩子之间自然流露的情感唱出来。好久没听阿牛的歌了，都忘了以前多么喜欢他的歌中的那份通俗的真。
炒一碟菜油要放几滴 煮一顿饭要用多少心
你煮过的饭有多少斤 谁能数得清 答案悄悄地藏在米缸里
妈妈的爱有多少斤 谁能数得清 答案写在她脸上的皱纹里
播这首歌时，班上出奇地安静。平时爱闹爱吵的学生听这首歌时好安静，有些眼眶微红。有些歌，还是通俗些，才能动人。
最近意外地都在听一些较平凡的歌曲。那天学生在做歌词演绎时，呈献了《有用的人》，尽管歌曲难找，他们还是坚持一定要这首歌。看到班上好多人都对 这首歌十分熟悉，在播歌曲时，他们都能跟着唱。当我说这是我第一次听这首歌，同时也没看过《小孩不笨》，他们讶然得有些好笑。但感觉到他们对这部电影的共 鸣。许多人都认为这间学校的学生都是顶尖的，但其实失败与挫折，人人都有。他们也都曾被人骂过：“你真的好笨”。三个月了，最大的收获，应该就是和这一班 多了一些默契，和对他们多了一份了解吧。从开始对他们那份沉默的气和无奈，到现在班上的些微气氛。尽管道路还很久，但我期待。
有些游戏结果不一定要获胜
有些收获不在终点而在过程
炒一碟菜油要放几滴 煮一顿饭要用多少心
你煮过的饭有多少斤 谁能数得清 答案悄悄地藏在米缸里
妈妈的爱有多少斤 谁能数得清 答案写在她脸上的皱纹里
播这首歌时，班上出奇地安静。平时爱闹爱吵的学生听这首歌时好安静，有些眼眶微红。有些歌，还是通俗些，才能动人。
最近意外地都在听一些较平凡的歌曲。那天学生在做歌词演绎时，呈献了《有用的人》，尽管歌曲难找，他们还是坚持一定要这首歌。看到班上好多人都对 这首歌十分熟悉，在播歌曲时，他们都能跟着唱。当我说这是我第一次听这首歌，同时也没看过《小孩不笨》，他们讶然得有些好笑。但感觉到他们对这部电影的共 鸣。许多人都认为这间学校的学生都是顶尖的，但其实失败与挫折，人人都有。他们也都曾被人骂过：“你真的好笨”。三个月了，最大的收获，应该就是和这一班 多了一些默契，和对他们多了一份了解吧。从开始对他们那份沉默的气和无奈，到现在班上的些微气氛。尽管道路还很久，但我期待。
有些游戏结果不一定要获胜
有些收获不在终点而在过程
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Holidays -- Come and Gone
Now Playing: 流水年华 - 庾澄庆
Second last day of the holidays and I have almost the same multitude of work that I had when the holidays started – papers unmarked, comprehensions unset, files unchecked… how did this happen?!?!
Stayed at home the whole day today in an effort to finish the comprehensions at least… but the results are dismal (only finished one with 3 left to go). Ugh, am missing the salsa fiesta for the darn comprehensions, I’ll finish them tonight if it’s the last thing I have to do to make it worthwhile.
Other things that made the holidays worthwhile (noted in point form to save time):
-- got a haircut and my very first pedicure that I’m pleased with *admires pretty toes*,
-- did a day out with mom (spa, shopping, food, movie)
-- ate two filling meals (a delicious salmon steak done rare and chili crabs), courtesy of dad in celebration of birthdays
-- spent a day at Borders, simply relaxing with a book
Not bad for a week of holidays, considering that 3 days were spent in school for trainings and seminars… still longing for June thou…
On another note, many thanks to all for the well-wishes on the day I turned quarter of a century old (^_^) Its happy to know that one is in so many people’s thoughts…
Second last day of the holidays and I have almost the same multitude of work that I had when the holidays started – papers unmarked, comprehensions unset, files unchecked… how did this happen?!?!
Stayed at home the whole day today in an effort to finish the comprehensions at least… but the results are dismal (only finished one with 3 left to go). Ugh, am missing the salsa fiesta for the darn comprehensions, I’ll finish them tonight if it’s the last thing I have to do to make it worthwhile.
Other things that made the holidays worthwhile (noted in point form to save time):
-- got a haircut and my very first pedicure that I’m pleased with *admires pretty toes*,
-- did a day out with mom (spa, shopping, food, movie)
-- ate two filling meals (a delicious salmon steak done rare and chili crabs), courtesy of dad in celebration of birthdays
-- spent a day at Borders, simply relaxing with a book
Not bad for a week of holidays, considering that 3 days were spent in school for trainings and seminars… still longing for June thou…
On another note, many thanks to all for the well-wishes on the day I turned quarter of a century old (^_^) Its happy to know that one is in so many people’s thoughts…
Crash
Just watched “Crash” , bought the second last two tickets that sat us right at the front row and now I have a permanent crick in my neck. But its’ worth it. It may not be better than Brokeback, but it had a message that speaks of truth.
Is it sad that I recognize parts of myself up there on the screen? The ignorance and the indifference to the ignorance I have towards those not of my race simply because I have no interaction with them and they play no part in my life. Self-centered but that’s me.
There is no black and white and somehow knowing that there are no heroes to worship and model after and no villains to slay makes us even more vulnerable and insecure.
The school’s been focusing on racial harmony recently and talks about closing the gap between the races. I would suggest playing the film to the students and teachers but I don’t think it will help, and not just because I doubt the students’ ability to understand the film.
Everyone is a bigot in some way or other and it isn’t anything that will be likely to solve itself with force-feeding lectures and speeches and attempted brainwashing.
It’s not just stereotyping. It’s the inability to understand each other. It’s the isolation of oneself and the slow subconscious thoughts that seeps into you. It’s knowing that we are all different and fear of that difference.
There’s hope in the film. Although there are parts of us that are too ugly to be seen, there’s also goodness that we don’t see. We are capable of vicious acts but also capable of heroic acts beyond belief.
And perhaps, the truth of that is good enough.
Is it sad that I recognize parts of myself up there on the screen? The ignorance and the indifference to the ignorance I have towards those not of my race simply because I have no interaction with them and they play no part in my life. Self-centered but that’s me.
There is no black and white and somehow knowing that there are no heroes to worship and model after and no villains to slay makes us even more vulnerable and insecure.
The school’s been focusing on racial harmony recently and talks about closing the gap between the races. I would suggest playing the film to the students and teachers but I don’t think it will help, and not just because I doubt the students’ ability to understand the film.
Everyone is a bigot in some way or other and it isn’t anything that will be likely to solve itself with force-feeding lectures and speeches and attempted brainwashing.
It’s not just stereotyping. It’s the inability to understand each other. It’s the isolation of oneself and the slow subconscious thoughts that seeps into you. It’s knowing that we are all different and fear of that difference.
There’s hope in the film. Although there are parts of us that are too ugly to be seen, there’s also goodness that we don’t see. We are capable of vicious acts but also capable of heroic acts beyond belief.
And perhaps, the truth of that is good enough.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Second MC of the year
Second MC of the year and its still due to sore throat… the doctor was asking me what the hell did I do to my throat again when he saw me…haiz. Like I want to have sore throat like that…
Can’t wait for this week to be over… I think I’m more like a student than a teacher when it comes to anticipating holidays! Even holidays that are filled with work like the upcoming March holidays with translation and wushu training sessions and staff seminars and comprehension exercises and papers to mark. But I scheduled two spa days for me and Mom in celebrations of our birthdays. Also going to get a hair-cut and there’s a Salsa Fiesta on Saturday. Even more looking forward to the June Hols when P is going to come back so that we can go somewhere together. Debating between Thailand or Taiwan now with a extra short trip to KL?
Still, I really enjoy these MC days, all by myself in the house and the peace and quiet makes it easy to mark my papers… the papers and hours seem to fly by. Soreness of throat is pain but since I don’t talk to myself anyway it’s almost ignorable.
1st term is almost over, and I’m starting to get the part where I know all my students by name which makes it a lot easier…. The kids make everything worth it even when they are little devils out to get your last shred of sanity, so getting to know them is so important…
At the end of the term, one is supposed to take stock of one’s work life… but my thoughts seem to be running everywhere…
Can’t wait for this week to be over… I think I’m more like a student than a teacher when it comes to anticipating holidays! Even holidays that are filled with work like the upcoming March holidays with translation and wushu training sessions and staff seminars and comprehension exercises and papers to mark. But I scheduled two spa days for me and Mom in celebrations of our birthdays. Also going to get a hair-cut and there’s a Salsa Fiesta on Saturday. Even more looking forward to the June Hols when P is going to come back so that we can go somewhere together. Debating between Thailand or Taiwan now with a extra short trip to KL?
Still, I really enjoy these MC days, all by myself in the house and the peace and quiet makes it easy to mark my papers… the papers and hours seem to fly by. Soreness of throat is pain but since I don’t talk to myself anyway it’s almost ignorable.
1st term is almost over, and I’m starting to get the part where I know all my students by name which makes it a lot easier…. The kids make everything worth it even when they are little devils out to get your last shred of sanity, so getting to know them is so important…
At the end of the term, one is supposed to take stock of one’s work life… but my thoughts seem to be running everywhere…
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Making a Difference...
Now Playing: Bless the Broken Road - Rascal Flatts
Mom forwarded me a mail today that I want to share with all my teaching friends out there (of which there are many!)
I would like to share the following excerpt from New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman's speech at the commencement of Williams College on June 5 last year.
It goes like this: 'The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued this way: 'What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher? You know, it's true what they say about teachers: Those who can do, do, and those who can't do, teach.''
To corroborate his statement he said to another guest, 'Hey, Susan, you're a teacher. Be honest, what do you make?''
Susan, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness, replied, 'You want to know what I make? I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could and I can make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence.
'I can make a C-plus feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor and an A feel like a slap in the face if the student didn't do his or her very best.' Susan continued, 'I can make parents tremble when I call home or feel almost like they won the lottery when I tell them how well their child is progressing.'
'Gaining speed, she went on: 'You want to know what I make? I make kids wonder, I make them question, I make them criticize, I make them apologize and mean it, I make them write and I make them read, read, read. I make them show all their work in maths and hide it all on their final drafts in English.'
'Susan then stopped and cleared her throat. 'I make them understand that if you have the brains, then follow your heart. And if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make in money, you pay them no attention.''Susan then paused. 'You want to know what I make?' she said. 'I make a difference. What about you?'
Yesterday was the release of the ‘O’ level results… my first batch… the overall results weren’t good and I was kinda disappointed by a couple of my kids that I spent a lot of time on when they didn’t score distinctions (actually I should be glad that they managed to pass at all!). But in the afternoon amidst walking around the school attending to various CCA matters, I was stopped by several of my ex-students… saying simply, “Thanks, we scored A1”. One kid that was very worried about his results last year called out to me from the 3rd floor when he saw me walking back to the staff room, “Laoshi thanks! I got my A1!”
In actuality… I don’t think I did a lot for these kids... they worked hard on their own for their own results. I simply answered questions and talked to them when they lost confidence. But perhaps in my own little way of giving them that extra bit of time… I did make a little difference… and that makes all the difference in the world to me when I see them….
Reading the above passage, I don’t know if I make all that much difference in my kids’ world. But I know I do make them read, read read. *grins* For many of us who are in the teaching line… its often tiring and tedious and never-ending….but one thing it is not… it’s not thankless. Especially when you see that little bit of difference you make… Here’s hoping all of us remember that in the daily grind of our life…
Mom forwarded me a mail today that I want to share with all my teaching friends out there (of which there are many!)
I would like to share the following excerpt from New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman's speech at the commencement of Williams College on June 5 last year.
It goes like this: 'The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued this way: 'What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher? You know, it's true what they say about teachers: Those who can do, do, and those who can't do, teach.''
To corroborate his statement he said to another guest, 'Hey, Susan, you're a teacher. Be honest, what do you make?''
Susan, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness, replied, 'You want to know what I make? I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could and I can make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence.
'I can make a C-plus feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor and an A feel like a slap in the face if the student didn't do his or her very best.' Susan continued, 'I can make parents tremble when I call home or feel almost like they won the lottery when I tell them how well their child is progressing.'
'Gaining speed, she went on: 'You want to know what I make? I make kids wonder, I make them question, I make them criticize, I make them apologize and mean it, I make them write and I make them read, read, read. I make them show all their work in maths and hide it all on their final drafts in English.'
'Susan then stopped and cleared her throat. 'I make them understand that if you have the brains, then follow your heart. And if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make in money, you pay them no attention.''Susan then paused. 'You want to know what I make?' she said. 'I make a difference. What about you?'
Yesterday was the release of the ‘O’ level results… my first batch… the overall results weren’t good and I was kinda disappointed by a couple of my kids that I spent a lot of time on when they didn’t score distinctions (actually I should be glad that they managed to pass at all!). But in the afternoon amidst walking around the school attending to various CCA matters, I was stopped by several of my ex-students… saying simply, “Thanks, we scored A1”. One kid that was very worried about his results last year called out to me from the 3rd floor when he saw me walking back to the staff room, “Laoshi thanks! I got my A1!”
In actuality… I don’t think I did a lot for these kids... they worked hard on their own for their own results. I simply answered questions and talked to them when they lost confidence. But perhaps in my own little way of giving them that extra bit of time… I did make a little difference… and that makes all the difference in the world to me when I see them….
Reading the above passage, I don’t know if I make all that much difference in my kids’ world. But I know I do make them read, read read. *grins* For many of us who are in the teaching line… its often tiring and tedious and never-ending….but one thing it is not… it’s not thankless. Especially when you see that little bit of difference you make… Here’s hoping all of us remember that in the daily grind of our life…
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