New York Memories...

Was talking to a friend who is in New York and it brought back so many memories… The friend doesn’t enjoy New York, which is sad. I know many of my friends don’t like New York, thinking it too citified and populated and dirty… I do admit New York is all those faults and more,,, but there is more to New York that. Nothing beats New York for the sheer sense of life and living… there’s always something going on and there’s always something to do… its happening and exciting and there is no place that makes you feel as alive as the city of the Big Apple. And there are the little oasis that are scattered around Manhattan…

Always remember the days I spent wandering around Central Park… the breezy day in summer surrounded by all the green… reading a book by the lake in the calming and soothing shade and the Angel of the Waters in view….. the snow scattered lawns and the crystal blue sky in December… the chill and crisp air and watching people walking dogs…. Sipping tea in a quaint café in East Village in between digging through the various vintage shops… the delicious salmon dinner by the fireside in a brownstone restaurant…. Rockefeller with its Christmas lights… the warmth of the golden-hued Astor Hall in the library in winter…Canal Street with its market wares and the smell of freshly roasted honey nuts…. Bryant Park in summer filled with people for the Broadway concert under the stars and in December with its Christmas fair… Times Square with its billboards and its lights… Chelsea with its art galleries and the museum mile providing different things to see every day… the Hudson in the evening when the waters turn rose and navy….Little Korea with its Asian stores and themed restaurants…Brooklyn Heights and Bridge with its incredible view…the Cloisters in spring with its blossoms of every color… even Harlem and its gospel choirs on Sunday…and Strand… a place I can spent an entire day in itself….and the magic of Broadway itself….

How can anyone not like New York? The pure character and chameleon-like facades… changing with every different area …from Wall Street and the Financial Center to East Village to the Upper West Side to Soho and Chinatown to Fifth Ave to Harlem and to Brooklyn…And so easily accessible via the admittedly stinky subway. New York is everything from the gritty street life and cozy street cafes to elegant boulevards and enchanting theatres. It doesn’t aim to please and it doesn’t need to. And most of all, it doesn’t short-change you for the experience as long as you dare to explore… and you can never ever say you are bored in New York…

I do agree that the frenzied pace of the city makes it unsuitable for one to retire in or to live in long-term… but I simply can’t resist its allure… New York sparkles and shines and it’s so easy to fall for… I remember I once told P, I want to stay in Boston but live in New York…

Lost and Found

Been losing things and finding that at most inopportune places recently… and the sheer joy at the discovery is unbelievable…

Spent 15 minutes searching for my black top on Friday morning as I had my heart set on wearing it that day. 15 minutes might not sound like much but its A LOT on a school morning and it meant that I missed breakfast *and* the 640 bus and was almost late for school. As it was, I reached at the nick of time of 730am, 5 minutes before assembly and all for nothing as I didn’t manage to find the top in the end.

Spent the entire Sat morning searching for it again and questioned my parents to no avail. Gave up on it and was consoling myself by planning when I’ll go back to the shop to buy it again (I really liked that top!) when I suddenly had the inspiration to search the pile of clothes-which-I-try-and-discard-on-the-mornings again and miraculously found it! I swear I searched through that pile at least twice beforehand. But I was so happy.

Woke up this morning and had to go for a somewhat-formal lunch with my Mom. Was lazy to dress up and decided to put on my staple pair of earrings and dug through my gym bag for my white jewelry pouch — once, twice and three times. Took the bag over to my mom’s room to search more thoroughly and still nope. Felt the rising panic but was too tired to panic (suffering from the effects of sleeping at 3am)… Called my gym as that was the last time I saw the pouch. Gym promised to search and call so I went off for lunch. Gym didn’t call back by the time I got home so called again… and called again at 630pm only to discovered from the ringing tone that they closed for the day. Ok… undercurrents of panic (still too lethargic for a full- blown attack)…the pouch contains the jewelry my kids gave me for teachers’ day and my two staple sets of earrings and a misc. array of jewelry. If nothing else, the ring P gave me is in that pouch and I will kill myself if I lost it. Ironically, I was debating if I should wear the ring when I was in the gym but decided against it as I was afraid I’ll lose it while dancing…. Called Xuan… the person I always call when I’m feeling low…

Seriously thinking of what to do if I really never recover my pouch (and the ring!) when I decided to re-search my gym bag again…. And miraculously…I actually found it in a side pocket! Although why the hell did I put it in the side pocket where it could easily fall out is something I’ll never be able to fathom.

I can’t describe the incredible feeling I got when I found these stuff I “lost” through plain stupidity …. The feeling of being blessed and incredibly lucky… it’s almost worth the torture I went through thinking I’ll never see my stuff again… almost.

Now… if only I’ll find the wallet I lost last Dec… that contains my non-replaceable photos and matric cards from two unis…

Friends we don't see enough...

Now Playing: For Good - Wicked Soundtrack

Days been pretty jammed recently… sometimes I wonder if I’m pushing myself too much… Dad commented that I’m out till late almost every night and he doesn’t know how I get the energy to get up every morning at six… (although I admit that the morning hour of 6am is the lowest point of my life every weekday).

Work is piling up, more often than not as my papers have come in and the annual holistic report is due… I’m really lucky in the sense that as I’m teaching translation, I only teach two hcl classes and therefore has a smaller marking load than other teachers. My co-form is a dear and takes half of the holistic report workload off me too…but the papers remain piled and don’t seem to lessen… Also been informed that I’m down for O level markings… which extends my marking season till end of Nov… already anticipating the brain-dead-ness…

Recently met an old friend by accident while going for my jazz class at Capital Towers… didn’t know that she actually works at Capital Towers and already has for two years… Managed to squeeze in an hour on Friday for a chat over coffee… Somehow this reminds me of how I’m not meeting up with my old friends… I do see Lin every now and then (more then than now) and I see Xuan for dance every week… but otherwise… all my dear friends, JX, Shimei, Zai, Jia and more… Friends that watched me grow and whom I grew up with… friends that have seen me at my best and my worst and know me inside out… I haven’t seen them for ages and when I do it’s usually once a year. It used to be because they were overseas and I was overseas (or as in Zai’s case, she’s still overseas)… but now we are all on this small little island and we still see each other about once a year… even if Jia stays 10 minutes away!

What is it about human beings that we take such things for granted?

During the chat with Xiao Gua on Fri… I discovered that she’s actually leaving for China next year… and that made me resolve to see her more often. We met last year for her birthday and it’s been almost a year since. Somehow it made me question myself, does it have to take the fact that she’s leaving to wake me up? If she isn’t leaving, when will I take the initiative to meet her again?

I used to pride myself on keeping in touch with my friends. Somehow, the ability slipped away as I started work and various other commitments like salsa and gym. And because all of us is so busy and it takes ages to plan a meet (it took JX and me a month to find a time to meet up for a birthday), sometimes I don’t even bother to make calls when I want to watch plays… I usually just go with my mom or myself. Only to find out that my friends usually do want to watch too… (Yea, Gab, this means you. I’m confessing here).

Time… everything boils down to time… With dance lessons 4 nights a week and gym at least 3 times a week and usually a play or a seminar or some other commitment on the other night and catching up on my work on Sundays… I’m usually rushing here and there with barely enough time for a meal in between sometimes…

But is it worth it? I know I’m doing what I want to do…and I really do enjoy everything I’m doing… I’m making friends through salsa and dance… but is it really worth it?

Nothing will ever replace my friends… people that really know me and still accept me for who I am… and somehow that never changes… when I talked to xiao gua on Friday… it was like the year in between with no contact never happened… we knew what each other was talking about and we could talk about everything, from life plans and worries to yoga classes… we could pick up the unvoiced nuances in what each other said... that kind of comfort only comes from shared history and friendship… and I wouldn’t want to give that up for anything…

But I do fear that I take it for granted… I know my friends wouldn’t change… oh, we will grow and mature… but who we are inside, that wouldn’t change…and our friendship wouldn’t change… but circumstances do… and I’m just not seeing my friends enough…

And I don’t ever want my friends to think that I do not appreciate them because I do… we have shared so much together over the years and nothing would ever take it away and its priceless… and I want to see them more often… not just the once a year for birthdays and before either of us go overseas… but regularly as we used to back in uni and school… I want to be able to talk about our troubles and to share our happiness and to know what’s going on in their lives…I want that closeness that we used to share on a daily basis…these people are more than friends to me…

But will it happen? Will be meeting up with Jia for her birthday and Fen in October… been making plans to meet up with Gab for Happy (a date that has yet to materialize)…but its all not enough….somehow…

Aftermath... dancing....

Now Playing: Solo Por Un Beso - Aventura


Had the first late night in… months? Years? Haven’t stayed out so late for ages… I don’t know what made me stay in Union last night till 215am. My classmates were all surprised why “Cinderella” isn’t leaving at her 11pm curfew, and I actually stayed on after they left at 1am.

Just didn’t feel like going home.

Danced for six hours and did a lot of dances with guys that I always enjoy dancing with… really love the feeling of a good dance, dancing with a lead that doesn’t just have good technique but who actually feels the music and passion and dances with feeling…

Someone I don’t know and probably never danced with asked me by the dance floor last night if I was a good salsa dancer. It was a really weird question not to mention quite rude and out of the blue… but it set me thinking. Not about whether I’m a good salsa dancer or not… I suppose I’m adequate although I still can’t execute perfect double turns more often than not and my beat goes off at times as some of the dance partners that I dance with quite often say… but I do get compliments and enough dance requests to build my confidence on the dance floor :P (I’m really happy that I can go to union alone and still know enough people to keep me dancing as I did on Fri… it’s a long way from one year ago… )

Was talking with a guy friend yesterday by the dance floor and he asked me if I noticed how most of the guys at Union uses the same few moves and you never see a unique style…he seemed kinda demoralized (I can’t imagine why, he’s one of my favorite dance partners)…and he asked me why I enjoyed dancing with him because he thinks he’s the same… don’t remember my exact answer now but it was something like this. I do think that even if all the guys use the same technical moves, I get different feelings when I dance with different guys… the moves might be the same, but the passion is different. Some guys can execute perfect and complicated dance moves, but the dance can feel very cold. Some guys have very flashy styles, but you just can’t enjoy the dance.

Its not about the technique or looking good… its dancing with someone that makes you feel good, someone who makes the effort to protect you on the dance floor and immerses you into the music and the mood… even if its just doing basics and cross-body leads over and over again, it’ll still be fun and feel good… (and yes, I do dance with guys that do that).

I can’t explain exactly what it is about certain leads that really make me enjoy the dance… sometimes its just the feeling… like my last dance last night… it was a bachata dance and I still don’t really know the steps to bachata despite my 3 bachata workshops (yea, many apologies to the poor guys that danced bachata with me last night), but the dancer simply held me close and asked me to close my eyes and let him lead. So I did and I let the music overwhelm me… and it was one of the best dances of the night…

郁

最近不知为什么，感觉郁郁。其实生活很丰富的。周日工作量很多，而且都是看得到成果的。上了几个进修课，包括一连三日很精彩的孔庆东的讲座。自己负责安排 的讲座刚结束。卷子也改了大部分。晚上都有课，而且也蛮有满足感。周末都去跳舞，现在都很享受跳舞的时候，已不再如刚开始时的僵硬，认识的朋友也多。最近 刚刚考了英文考试，感觉离与期盼的未来近了些。十二月的假也安排了差不多。时不时与父母一起吃饭，看戏。上周和妈妈看了弟弟的表演，这周和妈妈看电影。周 三和林一起去了间酒吧听音乐。周日上了个蛮不错的舞蹈课。又开始上爵士课。下周将和妈妈看《雷雨》，周六考翻译课程的入学试。日子可以说是精彩。但不知为 何，就是郁郁。

总有些小小的不如意。总使人感觉不甘，因此而不开心。如此的放不下，放不开。无法释怀，也就郁郁。平最近总是忙碌。感觉自己被冷落。却不由得想起，自己刚开始工作时是否也如此。但却无法释怀。习惯被宠，习惯他的嘘寒问暖，习惯他每日的电邮，习惯他任我予取予求。

孔老师的金庸讲座，让我忆起了在大学时的日子，和上一个真正好老师的一堂精彩的课的满足感。怀念当学生的感觉，读自己有兴趣的东西，发掘新的体会与知识的那种满足与兴奋。生活的自由，精神的丰富。

学生最近是让我开心地泉源。他们的乖巧，逗趣，偶尔的贴心举止。但，考试将临，他们的不懂事也是让我烦恼的泉源。总觉得，自己实在帮不了他们什么。

也不知我还要什么。不知道自己还缺什么。生活按计划而走，却不懂得享受这个过程，只懂得怀念。这样的人呀。

生亦何欢，死亦何忧，悠悠世人，自扰实多。

What's in a bag?

Been lugging around a huge gym bag recently, and thus many friends’ greeting upon seeing me was not “hello” or “hey” but “what’s in the bag????” which prompted me to do this post which also helps me know exactly what am I lugging around???

Reminded somewhat of a local newspaper’s feature of detailing items in some celebrity's bag and decided to treat myself as a celebrity and do it that way with mini-explanations for each item, minus the cute celebrity photo :P


Shoes:
Ÿ white salsa character shoes, reason obvious
Ÿ black jazz shoes, for lyrical and ff’s groove & jazz and bodyjam classes
Ÿ blue track shoes/white dance sneakers in a black bbss shoebag, for step and combat classes
and yes, I do carry all three pairs of shoes around at days when I have all the classes!


Books:
Ÿ “Without You”, an autobiography I’m reading that P sent over from the states
Ÿ “Qingnian WenCai”, Chinese mag that the school ordered, great for short leisure reading and I’m using it to search for compre passages for the end-year paper I’m supposed to set
Ÿ Toefl guide book, borrowed from Eugene and my test is in two weeks!
Ÿ Blue Peking U jotter book, I have several such small notebooks, some pretty, some not. I use them to doodle and jot down notes… this one is already half filled with my Taiwan notes…

Utilities: since I joined the gym, I tend to shower before I go home… hence the many utilities pouches
Ÿ Shower pack, with my shampoo, facial cleanser etc in this waterproof black mesh bag that I keep in a plastic ziplock
Ÿ Moisturizer pack, a black kookai bag that holds a amazing array of moisturizers and toners etc for different times of the day and other extras like perfumes, combs etc
Ÿ Make up pouch, because I have some events recently like the RV dinner and JJ’s salsa party that requires make up…
Ÿ Jewelry pouch, to keep loose jewelry safe when I’m in the gym
Ÿ A change of clothes is usually in there too but it’s out the minute I get home…

Misc. Stuff:
Ÿ Ipod in a white drawstring pouch – for music
Ÿ iRiver mp3 player in a cute blue elephant pouch – I use this more as a usb drive and when my ipod batt dies on me
Ÿ my blue wallet (P has a matching grey one!) – holds my cards and cash
Ÿ 4 packets of tissue – I used to have none until I bought 4 for 1 dollar from a little boy at Maxwell last week
Ÿ Fitness First’s Sept/Oct schedule – I carry this all the time for easy reference
Ÿ Small packet of healthy snacks I bought from the Healthy Snack Day bazaar the school had last week… its quite yummy though I nickname it bird food
Ÿ And a piece of Dove Chocolate that my student gave me for teachers’ day
Ÿ Keys – on a green Chinese knot key chain my brother gave me back when I was fifteen
Ÿ My darling handphone in its amber handphone pouch – P bought this for me for our 5th Anniversary
Ÿ My Sec 3s’ formal letter papers – the current set of papers that I carry around all the time with the good intention of marking
Ÿ An array of red pens for marking and a single green pen for note-jotting
Ÿ A packet of red wet tissue I took from the ktv I went with my colleagues on teachers’ day – or to be more accurate, that Wanshi took and stuffed at me, saying that since we paid for it, might as well take it.
Ÿ A mismash of papers and bills lying right at the bottom of the bag that I do not dare to search through… it holds and is not restricted to my exams confirmation slips, information of various events I attended and have to attend like the Teacher Mass lecture and others I do not yet dare to think of…
Ÿ The Bag Itself! – a blue-grey Elle gym carry-all that I bought at Taiwan. I love it for carrying all my stuff without a complain :)