Pensive

Now Playing: Borrowed Angels - Kristin Chenoweth

Haven’t written for ages…. Despite the many events that happened lately… the Int’l Salsa Fest… the grueling 8-hour casino workshop… a salsa house party… the ending of school mish-mash of ceremonies and festivals… staying up to finish marking the mock exams…the messy end of school rush with the last minutes nagging at my kids for their paper… the last day of school… dinners and outings with friends that dotted in between…

Feeling a little down at the moment… think I overdosed myself on dance lately… with the 3 nights and 2 days of the fest where I lived and breathed salsa… 7 hour workshops for 2 consecutive days and dancing till 2 or 3 am for 3 consecutive nights… didn’t really feel like dancing last weekend… and union was quiet anyway… except for dancing with Marc which is always fun, but even he said he couldn’t really warm up on Sat… cut down on gym lately too… skipped gym when I planned to go 2 times already… went out for dinner with friends instead (double sin!)…

Feeling pensive… thinking about what is really important in my life at the moment… while cutting down on life itself… sometimes, I think about this so called “exciting” and “fulfilling” life I have… and think “Is this what makes me content?” … and I find that I don’t really have an answer… sometimes I really wish there is such a thing as a Pensieve… so I can stir my thoughts and truly reflect…

Had a strange dream last night… and it made me think… is achieving our dreams all that important? So what if I really do what I want to do? Finish my 3 years of teaching and go overseas to do my masters… live my life in the various countries I want to live in with P by my side … do a job that allows me to make a difference… open a bookshop and end my life with P in a seaside house in Greece or a lakeside house in Switzerland? Will it make me happy and content? I like to think so… but I really don’t know… what if it all happens and I find that this isn’t what I wanted all along? It’s scary… not knowing what you want…

I’ve always been the type that knows exactly what she wants in life… from a very very young age.. I’ve always known that I’ll do Chinese… there wasn’t ever a doubt. I’ve made mistakes in my choices… definitely…and there are things that I regret…wasted time and opportunities… but my life has pretty much turned out the way I wanted it to and I can’t complain…

But sometimes… when I look back and look forward and look at this moment… and wonder why I’m not as happy and I thought I will be when I reach this point of my life….

There must be Borrowed Angels, here in this life
They come along into this world and make this world bright
They reach a little deeper, they see what's in your soul
And when they leave, you know, you'll never let them go
But they can't stay forever, cause they're heaven sent
And sometimes, heaven needs them back again