Back for five days and its been school every, single day. Argh. 3 days worth of full day meetings and I spent the entire day at school finishing up misc. stuff… its amazing how many little things can accumulated and take you up to 9 hours to do.
A few good things, I’ve cleared both my room and office tables! This is a major feat as anyone who has seen the state of both tables prior-clearing will attest. Now the Swiss mountains on my room’s table are actually visible in all their magnificence. One of my new year’s resolution is to keep my tables clear. Okay, now that’s down in black and white, I’ll *have* to do it!
A year has swiftly gone by in a blink of an eye…. And a new year is about to begin. A brand new one as I’m not taking back my two classes. I’m going to miss them, especially my Sec. 1 babies… Was packing their books to hand over to their new teacher and I realize how much I’ll actually miss these kids… with their brashness and impetuousness. I thought I’ll follow them up to Sec. 2 and see them grow… They are my first real form class, my babies. Well… we’ll still be in the same school and I’ll just be tracking them on the side…
The days back been mostly school-filled and rain-drenched… went to the gym for two days…. Jazz first, which I missed so…and the outdoors gym. There’s something poetic about doing balance while listening to the patter of the rain at night… and the cooling breeze is so welcome during rpm…
Met up with jx on Wednesday too… it’s always a pleasure to see old friends… and he sweetly covered me all the way home… Met up with Sze Mei…. Enjoyed our gossip and ragging session… Went to the Loft dance performance and the National Museum with my family…
And that’s about all the activities I did…
Been feeling very tired ever since I came back thou… not sleeping well… its half jet lag and half I-don’t-know-what… want to rest, but not really able to… miss Bellevue and the lazing days… miss the Rockies and the breathtaking winter scenes… miss P too…
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
christmas ramblings
Now Playing: Home for Christmas - N'Sync
Lazing in bed now even though its nearly noon…. Am in such a lazy holiday mood ever since we got back from the Rockies.
Well, it was a long, long drive… watching the scenery outside turn from black and white to brown and green… snow-covered mountains to wide plains… kinda stressful at times thou because of the icy roads and the many warning signs of compact snow and winter driving conditions and dangerous high mountain roads with unpredictable weather. But we made it home safe… had a short stopover in Vancouver and ate at the same sushi café we did 3 years back at Water St. and took photos at my favorite photo site with the white sails of Canada Place as the background..
It was a wonderful and hugely memorable trip…all the snow and icefalls and breathtaking winter scenes and the cold and warmth of walking in such a winter wonderland… It’s a white Christmas…
And now we’re home and lazy…. Except for cooking, I’m barely doing anything else… (I did go out to make a secret X’mas pressie for P yesterday).... just grocery-shopping, napped and loll around in bed reading novels and watching dvds… plan to go send off some presents and cards later and shop for more groceries for Christmas cooking tomorrow and that’s about it…not that P is more productive… for someone that complained about missing a day of work, he’s spending lots of time on his Civilization computer games.
However, I do love these lazy and peaceful days... the Christmas carols playing over the speakers… the companionship and joy of enjoying the simple gifts in life… a good book, a happy movie… and yes, a good strategic game :p
We might go out tomorrow though to Bellevue downtown… Bellevue is a familiar yet somehow slightly strange place… I remember knowing it well after spending a month here, but its been 3 years… so its kinda irritating… having the knowledge that I used to know it well but needing things to trigger the memory… like which freeway exit to take when driving back and the streets around… and what bus to take to go downtown… It’s definitely not Boston… which I do still know well and miss… there’s no snow here… which is easier yet sad…
Planning to do some major cooking tomorrow as I always do on my last day, added benefit that it’ll be our early Christmas celebration…
Lazing in bed now even though its nearly noon…. Am in such a lazy holiday mood ever since we got back from the Rockies.
Well, it was a long, long drive… watching the scenery outside turn from black and white to brown and green… snow-covered mountains to wide plains… kinda stressful at times thou because of the icy roads and the many warning signs of compact snow and winter driving conditions and dangerous high mountain roads with unpredictable weather. But we made it home safe… had a short stopover in Vancouver and ate at the same sushi café we did 3 years back at Water St. and took photos at my favorite photo site with the white sails of Canada Place as the background..
It was a wonderful and hugely memorable trip…all the snow and icefalls and breathtaking winter scenes and the cold and warmth of walking in such a winter wonderland… It’s a white Christmas…
And now we’re home and lazy…. Except for cooking, I’m barely doing anything else… (I did go out to make a secret X’mas pressie for P yesterday).... just grocery-shopping, napped and loll around in bed reading novels and watching dvds… plan to go send off some presents and cards later and shop for more groceries for Christmas cooking tomorrow and that’s about it…not that P is more productive… for someone that complained about missing a day of work, he’s spending lots of time on his Civilization computer games.
However, I do love these lazy and peaceful days... the Christmas carols playing over the speakers… the companionship and joy of enjoying the simple gifts in life… a good book, a happy movie… and yes, a good strategic game :p
We might go out tomorrow though to Bellevue downtown… Bellevue is a familiar yet somehow slightly strange place… I remember knowing it well after spending a month here, but its been 3 years… so its kinda irritating… having the knowledge that I used to know it well but needing things to trigger the memory… like which freeway exit to take when driving back and the streets around… and what bus to take to go downtown… It’s definitely not Boston… which I do still know well and miss… there’s no snow here… which is easier yet sad…
Planning to do some major cooking tomorrow as I always do on my last day, added benefit that it’ll be our early Christmas celebration…
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Rockies
Now Playing: Winter Wonderland - Diana Krall
Sitting at a window seat in the rustic Num-Ti-Jah Lodge, looking out to a winter storm, giant flakes falling on a snow-covered frozen lake…
This is an unplanned detour in our Canadian Rockies trip… we were going to head straight to Jasper via the Icefield Highway, but the bad weather and increasingly large snowflakes changed our mind and we decided to stay the night at the only available lodge on the highway next to Bow Lake and Glaciers… a rustic lodge meant as a retreat, it has no tv and no cellphone reception. However, it do have wireless internet! Well, at least P isn’t going to be bored out of his mind and make noises.
This is a lovely place though, filled with antique furniture made out of deer antlers and comfy sofas and window seats… the view outside is amazing… mountains and lakes all covered with several feet of snow… Christmas pines everywhere… it is the perfect place to curl up with a book and a journal (or a laptop computer with wireless access)… I don’t really mind this detour which is going to set us back a day… P can make one more day anyway for his leave. It just means a longer vacation!
It’s so tranquil here… the snow makes it impossible for us to do anything outside and for anything to get to us… a place to truly just stop…
We had a fun four days before at Banff and Lake Louise… Banff was just exciting, with trail walks up snowy pathways and catwalks to frozen waterfalls and dog-sledding in the snow. The several drives down Lake Minnewaka and Lake Vermillion were simply breathtaking, especially amidst the salmon pink sunrise… The town was sweet, an avenue all lit in Christmas lights and a different sushi place every night… Lake Louise was simply stunning and gorgeous, a vast expense of ice edged with glaciers and mountains… we couldn’t see the emerald of Emerald Lake, but it did glitter with ice…Natural Bridge and Kicking Horse Creek was striking, it’s a scene we often saw before during our summer vacations, but to see the creek and stones all covered with snow… the rushing of water amidst the ice… its simply amazing…
And the drives from place to place… ranged with the mountains and pines and lakes… all frosted and iced, silver and white vistas… its like a black and white photo at some points…. the views are so dramatic… its so unbelievable and nothing like we ever experienced…
And we still have three more days in Jasper to look forward to before we start our drive home…
Sitting at a window seat in the rustic Num-Ti-Jah Lodge, looking out to a winter storm, giant flakes falling on a snow-covered frozen lake…
This is an unplanned detour in our Canadian Rockies trip… we were going to head straight to Jasper via the Icefield Highway, but the bad weather and increasingly large snowflakes changed our mind and we decided to stay the night at the only available lodge on the highway next to Bow Lake and Glaciers… a rustic lodge meant as a retreat, it has no tv and no cellphone reception. However, it do have wireless internet! Well, at least P isn’t going to be bored out of his mind and make noises.
This is a lovely place though, filled with antique furniture made out of deer antlers and comfy sofas and window seats… the view outside is amazing… mountains and lakes all covered with several feet of snow… Christmas pines everywhere… it is the perfect place to curl up with a book and a journal (or a laptop computer with wireless access)… I don’t really mind this detour which is going to set us back a day… P can make one more day anyway for his leave. It just means a longer vacation!
It’s so tranquil here… the snow makes it impossible for us to do anything outside and for anything to get to us… a place to truly just stop…
We had a fun four days before at Banff and Lake Louise… Banff was just exciting, with trail walks up snowy pathways and catwalks to frozen waterfalls and dog-sledding in the snow. The several drives down Lake Minnewaka and Lake Vermillion were simply breathtaking, especially amidst the salmon pink sunrise… The town was sweet, an avenue all lit in Christmas lights and a different sushi place every night… Lake Louise was simply stunning and gorgeous, a vast expense of ice edged with glaciers and mountains… we couldn’t see the emerald of Emerald Lake, but it did glitter with ice…Natural Bridge and Kicking Horse Creek was striking, it’s a scene we often saw before during our summer vacations, but to see the creek and stones all covered with snow… the rushing of water amidst the ice… its simply amazing…
And the drives from place to place… ranged with the mountains and pines and lakes… all frosted and iced, silver and white vistas… its like a black and white photo at some points…. the views are so dramatic… its so unbelievable and nothing like we ever experienced…
And we still have three more days in Jasper to look forward to before we start our drive home…
Thursday, November 23, 2006
a quiet week
Had a quiet week…
Mon was mahjong with JL and shufen, haven’t seen these two friends for awhile and we enjoyed a long session of mahjong at my place. We met for lunch before I brought them back to my place.
It’s hard to imagine, but despite the fact that my dad is a life long mahjong guru, I actually only learnt how to play a couple of years back at Boston… and JL was actually one of my mentors. Still remember one of the twins (still can’t tell which one) sitting by my side and teaching me how to form the sequences and what earns more points….Time flies and now JL has already graduated and those mahjong nights at the basement of Senior House are only fond memories…
Went back to school on Tuesday which was one of the worst days I had for awhile... luck and my own indecisiveness playing equal parts… I actually liked going back to school. Puts me in touch with reality, the two weeks marking and on course away from school has made me kinda off-centered… back at school and yelling at my kids over the phone for being irresponsible prats put me right back at home. (yea, sadistic I know). Spent the morning running around in between the cca and writing lesson plans with colleagues made me feel right back at home too… the adrenaline from juggling a few tasks at a go… but in the afternoon when everything settled down, my flu caught up with me again… was debating between going to the gym as I originally planned or meeting my graduating sec 4 kids for dinner… decided against the dinner as Lanhua didn’t want to go too (I passed my flu to her) and didn’t make it for the gym session either … went too late and the session was full… got so irritated with myself for my inability to make decisions… went for dinner and to top it off, I missed a stop on the mrt on the way home and took double the time I normally do… was so angry with myself. I can be such an idiot at times…
Wed and Thurs are better days….
My flu isn’t getting any better even though it’s been more than a week… and I haven’t got any real studying done for my looming gre. So I cancelled plans for gym, dancing and movies and stayed at home for the whole two days and did my maths practice test with an enormous box of tissue in front of me and an ever-growing pile of tissue… it rained for both days… providing a melodious background.
Actually enjoyed these two quiet days… feel my mind muscles loosening and settling back into place… Finally having time to relax… enjoy the maths practice too… its actually secondary level maths, and as I did them, I remember how I was actually very good at them back in sec sch and how I had fun solving all these problems… and being able to laugh at myself at times I get stuck at questions my sec. 1 kids would be able to solve…
Have to go back to sch tmr though… another day and yet another after…
Life isn’t all a bed of roses… but it isn’t a bed of thorns either…
-------
p.s. This is my 50th post and it’s a year since I created this journal…. I only updated 50 times a year…not a very good girl
Mon was mahjong with JL and shufen, haven’t seen these two friends for awhile and we enjoyed a long session of mahjong at my place. We met for lunch before I brought them back to my place.
It’s hard to imagine, but despite the fact that my dad is a life long mahjong guru, I actually only learnt how to play a couple of years back at Boston… and JL was actually one of my mentors. Still remember one of the twins (still can’t tell which one) sitting by my side and teaching me how to form the sequences and what earns more points….Time flies and now JL has already graduated and those mahjong nights at the basement of Senior House are only fond memories…
Went back to school on Tuesday which was one of the worst days I had for awhile... luck and my own indecisiveness playing equal parts… I actually liked going back to school. Puts me in touch with reality, the two weeks marking and on course away from school has made me kinda off-centered… back at school and yelling at my kids over the phone for being irresponsible prats put me right back at home. (yea, sadistic I know). Spent the morning running around in between the cca and writing lesson plans with colleagues made me feel right back at home too… the adrenaline from juggling a few tasks at a go… but in the afternoon when everything settled down, my flu caught up with me again… was debating between going to the gym as I originally planned or meeting my graduating sec 4 kids for dinner… decided against the dinner as Lanhua didn’t want to go too (I passed my flu to her) and didn’t make it for the gym session either … went too late and the session was full… got so irritated with myself for my inability to make decisions… went for dinner and to top it off, I missed a stop on the mrt on the way home and took double the time I normally do… was so angry with myself. I can be such an idiot at times…
Wed and Thurs are better days….
My flu isn’t getting any better even though it’s been more than a week… and I haven’t got any real studying done for my looming gre. So I cancelled plans for gym, dancing and movies and stayed at home for the whole two days and did my maths practice test with an enormous box of tissue in front of me and an ever-growing pile of tissue… it rained for both days… providing a melodious background.
Actually enjoyed these two quiet days… feel my mind muscles loosening and settling back into place… Finally having time to relax… enjoy the maths practice too… its actually secondary level maths, and as I did them, I remember how I was actually very good at them back in sec sch and how I had fun solving all these problems… and being able to laugh at myself at times I get stuck at questions my sec. 1 kids would be able to solve…
Have to go back to sch tmr though… another day and yet another after…
Life isn’t all a bed of roses… but it isn’t a bed of thorns either…
-------
p.s. This is my 50th post and it’s a year since I created this journal…. I only updated 50 times a year…not a very good girl
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Cranberry and Books
You know that Christmas is coming when you can smell the sweet scent of Body Shop's Cranberry shimmering lotion three stores down the nearest Body Shop... I remember the first time the Body Shop's Cranberry shimmering lotion was introduced, several christmases ago... P liked it because it reminded him of sweets and candies and I bought a bottle to use in Beijing... Orchard's lights are all lit up, gold this year... and one can almost hear the carols and weirdly for me, the upcoming cny songs. It’s interesting what memories scents and lights alight…
Tomorrow will hopefully be the last day of marking, and I'm half relieved and half sad... kinda like the sense of community and camaderiere we bulit up in our group of marking. Although the compre question I'm marking is one of the harder ones and therefore the slower ones, the laughter we shared and the ready help rendered by each of us makes everything somehow enjoyable. But I'm falling sick thou... so I guess it's a good thing that its finally coming to an end... just in time for the Wushu Judges course that will begin right after on thursday. Looking forward to that as well, we'll finally know how those judges give our kids their marks during the competition.
Despite the stress and backaches and headaches marking gives me... one thing its good for is that the timing is rigid and we cannot bring work home.
So, for the first time in ages.. (in this entire year?).. I find myself reading... read some of the classics which I bought and had been collecting dust on my bookshelf for ages and polished off some trash which I picked up as well..
Read Christopher Bram's Father of Frankenstein and Kazuo Ishiguro's Remains of the Day. Just started Bram Stoker's Dracula... I haven't read for so very long that I forgot what it was like to be unable to put a book down and the pure pleasure of letting good prose wash over you... the quiet you feel when you are immersed in the characters and plot and the contentment... I really should be studying for my gre but I tell myself reading these books are also preparation.
But all these books are so sad... and they reveal so many human flaws... which combined with the CSI I've been watching recently all put me in a slightly dark mood... so thank goodness for the cranberry scent in the air.... a cheering scent that reminds me of happy times...
Other happy events include meet up with friends... Met Lin for Notre Dame de Paris the sunday before, a incredible show that I'm watching for the second time. The first time was back in 2002 in Beijing with XP, and the second time round seems to be even better now that I understand the songs and story better and didn't have to switch between the subtitles and set. Glad that she liked the show as well... Also watched Seven Month Itch with Dr. Lin after a delicate dinner at Memoir...
Also caught the "All the Best" collection with my parents at the SAM last sunday... a thought provoking collection... the fairy tale series especially chilling... met my brother after for lunch to celebrate his birthday at this veggie place that he likes.
Met jx for dinner last night too... its always good to see him. Will be meeting Xiaogua tonight for her birthday... and scheduled dates with several other friends too... Another reason why I love the last months of the year... somehow we see alot more of our friends in these months...
Tomorrow will hopefully be the last day of marking, and I'm half relieved and half sad... kinda like the sense of community and camaderiere we bulit up in our group of marking. Although the compre question I'm marking is one of the harder ones and therefore the slower ones, the laughter we shared and the ready help rendered by each of us makes everything somehow enjoyable. But I'm falling sick thou... so I guess it's a good thing that its finally coming to an end... just in time for the Wushu Judges course that will begin right after on thursday. Looking forward to that as well, we'll finally know how those judges give our kids their marks during the competition.
Despite the stress and backaches and headaches marking gives me... one thing its good for is that the timing is rigid and we cannot bring work home.
So, for the first time in ages.. (in this entire year?).. I find myself reading... read some of the classics which I bought and had been collecting dust on my bookshelf for ages and polished off some trash which I picked up as well..
Read Christopher Bram's Father of Frankenstein and Kazuo Ishiguro's Remains of the Day. Just started Bram Stoker's Dracula... I haven't read for so very long that I forgot what it was like to be unable to put a book down and the pure pleasure of letting good prose wash over you... the quiet you feel when you are immersed in the characters and plot and the contentment... I really should be studying for my gre but I tell myself reading these books are also preparation.
But all these books are so sad... and they reveal so many human flaws... which combined with the CSI I've been watching recently all put me in a slightly dark mood... so thank goodness for the cranberry scent in the air.... a cheering scent that reminds me of happy times...
Other happy events include meet up with friends... Met Lin for Notre Dame de Paris the sunday before, a incredible show that I'm watching for the second time. The first time was back in 2002 in Beijing with XP, and the second time round seems to be even better now that I understand the songs and story better and didn't have to switch between the subtitles and set. Glad that she liked the show as well... Also watched Seven Month Itch with Dr. Lin after a delicate dinner at Memoir...
Also caught the "All the Best" collection with my parents at the SAM last sunday... a thought provoking collection... the fairy tale series especially chilling... met my brother after for lunch to celebrate his birthday at this veggie place that he likes.
Met jx for dinner last night too... its always good to see him. Will be meeting Xiaogua tonight for her birthday... and scheduled dates with several other friends too... Another reason why I love the last months of the year... somehow we see alot more of our friends in these months...
Saturday, November 11, 2006
rain and contemplation
sitting in the pacific coffee cafe, contemplating the rain outside... a plate of pink cake in front of me which is doubling up as my lunch and tea...
woke up early today to go to jazz, instead of groove/jazz because I like the choreo and it'll be the last time Sharon's doing it. Wanted to do aqua after, but the rain and thunder cancelled it. Still, managed to do a few laps around the pool and did my first pilates class in a long while before ending up at pacific coffee...
this is my favourite cafe for various reason...
1) comfy red sofas
2) books of various type that one can pick up anytime
3) free internet
4) yummy fruit smoothies they call chillinos
5) they play great music to chill to
6) its located right between the gym and the dance studio
all making it the perfect place to kill time when waiting for evening classes... and the free internet enables me to actually get to my mail on the days when I get home late consecutively and don't have time to check my mail...
just finished 5 days of marking... I actually like it... despite the fact that I suspected I killed alot of my brain cells the past weeks and I skipped 2 days of gym becoz I just wanted to go home and stone in front of the tv after it... but there's something about reading all these essays that students write... their thoughts scattered and sometimes so refreshingly candid.
haven't sat and watch rain for awhile... there's something hypnotic about it... watching streaks of rain fall in the green...
there's something about november... that makes me strangely sad and happy at the same time...
its also the month of birthdays :)
wishing all my friends whose birthdays fall on november a happy birthday! Especially to a dear friend and my darling little brother whose birthday fall on today itself :)
May you have many lovely memories on the brand new upcoming year and time to sit and watch the rain....
woke up early today to go to jazz, instead of groove/jazz because I like the choreo and it'll be the last time Sharon's doing it. Wanted to do aqua after, but the rain and thunder cancelled it. Still, managed to do a few laps around the pool and did my first pilates class in a long while before ending up at pacific coffee...
this is my favourite cafe for various reason...
1) comfy red sofas
2) books of various type that one can pick up anytime
3) free internet
4) yummy fruit smoothies they call chillinos
5) they play great music to chill to
6) its located right between the gym and the dance studio
all making it the perfect place to kill time when waiting for evening classes... and the free internet enables me to actually get to my mail on the days when I get home late consecutively and don't have time to check my mail...
just finished 5 days of marking... I actually like it... despite the fact that I suspected I killed alot of my brain cells the past weeks and I skipped 2 days of gym becoz I just wanted to go home and stone in front of the tv after it... but there's something about reading all these essays that students write... their thoughts scattered and sometimes so refreshingly candid.
haven't sat and watch rain for awhile... there's something hypnotic about it... watching streaks of rain fall in the green...
there's something about november... that makes me strangely sad and happy at the same time...
its also the month of birthdays :)
wishing all my friends whose birthdays fall on november a happy birthday! Especially to a dear friend and my darling little brother whose birthday fall on today itself :)
May you have many lovely memories on the brand new upcoming year and time to sit and watch the rain....
Monday, October 30, 2006
Pensive
Now Playing: Borrowed Angels - Kristin Chenoweth
Haven’t written for ages…. Despite the many events that happened lately… the Int’l Salsa Fest… the grueling 8-hour casino workshop… a salsa house party… the ending of school mish-mash of ceremonies and festivals… staying up to finish marking the mock exams…the messy end of school rush with the last minutes nagging at my kids for their paper… the last day of school… dinners and outings with friends that dotted in between…
Feeling a little down at the moment… think I overdosed myself on dance lately… with the 3 nights and 2 days of the fest where I lived and breathed salsa… 7 hour workshops for 2 consecutive days and dancing till 2 or 3 am for 3 consecutive nights… didn’t really feel like dancing last weekend… and union was quiet anyway… except for dancing with Marc which is always fun, but even he said he couldn’t really warm up on Sat… cut down on gym lately too… skipped gym when I planned to go 2 times already… went out for dinner with friends instead (double sin!)…
Feeling pensive… thinking about what is really important in my life at the moment… while cutting down on life itself… sometimes, I think about this so called “exciting” and “fulfilling” life I have… and think “Is this what makes me content?” … and I find that I don’t really have an answer… sometimes I really wish there is such a thing as a Pensieve… so I can stir my thoughts and truly reflect…
Had a strange dream last night… and it made me think… is achieving our dreams all that important? So what if I really do what I want to do? Finish my 3 years of teaching and go overseas to do my masters… live my life in the various countries I want to live in with P by my side … do a job that allows me to make a difference… open a bookshop and end my life with P in a seaside house in Greece or a lakeside house in Switzerland? Will it make me happy and content? I like to think so… but I really don’t know… what if it all happens and I find that this isn’t what I wanted all along? It’s scary… not knowing what you want…
I’ve always been the type that knows exactly what she wants in life… from a very very young age.. I’ve always known that I’ll do Chinese… there wasn’t ever a doubt. I’ve made mistakes in my choices… definitely…and there are things that I regret…wasted time and opportunities… but my life has pretty much turned out the way I wanted it to and I can’t complain…
But sometimes… when I look back and look forward and look at this moment… and wonder why I’m not as happy and I thought I will be when I reach this point of my life….
There must be Borrowed Angels, here in this life
They come along into this world and make this world bright
They reach a little deeper, they see what's in your soul
And when they leave, you know, you'll never let them go
But they can't stay forever, cause they're heaven sent
And sometimes, heaven needs them back again
Haven’t written for ages…. Despite the many events that happened lately… the Int’l Salsa Fest… the grueling 8-hour casino workshop… a salsa house party… the ending of school mish-mash of ceremonies and festivals… staying up to finish marking the mock exams…the messy end of school rush with the last minutes nagging at my kids for their paper… the last day of school… dinners and outings with friends that dotted in between…
Feeling a little down at the moment… think I overdosed myself on dance lately… with the 3 nights and 2 days of the fest where I lived and breathed salsa… 7 hour workshops for 2 consecutive days and dancing till 2 or 3 am for 3 consecutive nights… didn’t really feel like dancing last weekend… and union was quiet anyway… except for dancing with Marc which is always fun, but even he said he couldn’t really warm up on Sat… cut down on gym lately too… skipped gym when I planned to go 2 times already… went out for dinner with friends instead (double sin!)…
Feeling pensive… thinking about what is really important in my life at the moment… while cutting down on life itself… sometimes, I think about this so called “exciting” and “fulfilling” life I have… and think “Is this what makes me content?” … and I find that I don’t really have an answer… sometimes I really wish there is such a thing as a Pensieve… so I can stir my thoughts and truly reflect…
Had a strange dream last night… and it made me think… is achieving our dreams all that important? So what if I really do what I want to do? Finish my 3 years of teaching and go overseas to do my masters… live my life in the various countries I want to live in with P by my side … do a job that allows me to make a difference… open a bookshop and end my life with P in a seaside house in Greece or a lakeside house in Switzerland? Will it make me happy and content? I like to think so… but I really don’t know… what if it all happens and I find that this isn’t what I wanted all along? It’s scary… not knowing what you want…
I’ve always been the type that knows exactly what she wants in life… from a very very young age.. I’ve always known that I’ll do Chinese… there wasn’t ever a doubt. I’ve made mistakes in my choices… definitely…and there are things that I regret…wasted time and opportunities… but my life has pretty much turned out the way I wanted it to and I can’t complain…
But sometimes… when I look back and look forward and look at this moment… and wonder why I’m not as happy and I thought I will be when I reach this point of my life….
There must be Borrowed Angels, here in this life
They come along into this world and make this world bright
They reach a little deeper, they see what's in your soul
And when they leave, you know, you'll never let them go
But they can't stay forever, cause they're heaven sent
And sometimes, heaven needs them back again
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Six Degrees and Textures
I don’t know if it’s because I face so many different people everyday nowadays… students, colleagues, dance partners, gym friends… somehow I’m starting to find that a lot of different people remind me of different people (does that line make sense?)
Sometimes it’s just a profile, a side view that gives me a jolt and think “hey, isn’t that XXX?” only to find that it isn’t. Sometimes it’s a grin or a certain attitude that’ll make me ask the name just to see if the two different persons share the same surname… Sometimes it’s an entire conversation that makes me blink… it was so like talking to another person… the line of thought and the tone… the “feel” of talking to a person… how can it feel so similar when it’s two different people?
For the first time…I’m starting to find that people have different textures… and those textures can sometimes feel strangely familiar…a different form of six degrees?
Monday, October 09, 2006
Dance, Art, Musical
Now Playing: 牡丹江 - 南拳妈妈
Think I’m dancing too much…. My left knee hurts… It hurt before but the pain usually goes away when I stop dancing but now its kinda like a permanent ache. Also, it never hurt for salsa before, only for jazz and my other fitness stuff like body jam or combat… well… what to do…
Originally wanted to stay late on Saturday at Union… but danced too much at the first two hours… didn’t count the number of dances I did… but a friend commented that he saw me on the dance floor almost the whole night… and when I danced with Dino after eleven, I was almost falling asleep when waiting for him to start and my response was really slow… he said I’ve probably danced too much that night. Felt very tired…. Perhaps because of the knee… or perhaps because of other reasons… anyway, left at eleven forty and caught the last mrt/bus home. Went home and watched the Cheaper by the Dozen dvd I rented from fitness first.
Well… it’s the salsa fest this weekend… will enjoy that… and see if I’ll cut down slightly after… maybe I just need rest… just feel very mellow… missing the fun of enjoying the dance for the dance… somehow it feels more like practice on Sat..
Took a day for myself on Sunday though… no dancing no marking… just a day for myself… Went to the Art of Cartier exhibition at the National Museum which is almost unrecognizable… its all very elegantly done up and reminds me of the museums overseas when all the glossy white walls and glass panels…. The exhibition itself is fascinating… there’s a very good guide who gives little anecdotes which I love though I only caught the latter part of her guide. There are intriguing pieces that I would love to know more about… the stories behind each and every piece so lovingly carved and put together… especially those that are made to order. I always loved jewelry (a fact P can unhappily attest to), the enduring beauty and the stories they hold….
Watched Tick Tick Boom at night… heard some bad reviews and I know it wasn’t all that well-received when it first came out, so I was bracing myself for a disappointment. It wasn’t though, although it wasn’t exactly fantastic, but it was okay. It was an insight to the life of Jonathon Larson before Rent… kinda like a preview or a buildup. I can see the style that leads to the Rent. Overall, quite enjoyable… and I did like the last song and the way it turned from a climax to the happy birthday song…
It was a quiet and reflective day… something I need more of… missing Boston… the days with P and snow falling outside and a hot drink and a book on my lap… days of quiet contentment…
到不了的都叫做远方
回不去的名字叫家乡
Think I’m dancing too much…. My left knee hurts… It hurt before but the pain usually goes away when I stop dancing but now its kinda like a permanent ache. Also, it never hurt for salsa before, only for jazz and my other fitness stuff like body jam or combat… well… what to do…
Originally wanted to stay late on Saturday at Union… but danced too much at the first two hours… didn’t count the number of dances I did… but a friend commented that he saw me on the dance floor almost the whole night… and when I danced with Dino after eleven, I was almost falling asleep when waiting for him to start and my response was really slow… he said I’ve probably danced too much that night. Felt very tired…. Perhaps because of the knee… or perhaps because of other reasons… anyway, left at eleven forty and caught the last mrt/bus home. Went home and watched the Cheaper by the Dozen dvd I rented from fitness first.
Well… it’s the salsa fest this weekend… will enjoy that… and see if I’ll cut down slightly after… maybe I just need rest… just feel very mellow… missing the fun of enjoying the dance for the dance… somehow it feels more like practice on Sat..
Took a day for myself on Sunday though… no dancing no marking… just a day for myself… Went to the Art of Cartier exhibition at the National Museum which is almost unrecognizable… its all very elegantly done up and reminds me of the museums overseas when all the glossy white walls and glass panels…. The exhibition itself is fascinating… there’s a very good guide who gives little anecdotes which I love though I only caught the latter part of her guide. There are intriguing pieces that I would love to know more about… the stories behind each and every piece so lovingly carved and put together… especially those that are made to order. I always loved jewelry (a fact P can unhappily attest to), the enduring beauty and the stories they hold….
Watched Tick Tick Boom at night… heard some bad reviews and I know it wasn’t all that well-received when it first came out, so I was bracing myself for a disappointment. It wasn’t though, although it wasn’t exactly fantastic, but it was okay. It was an insight to the life of Jonathon Larson before Rent… kinda like a preview or a buildup. I can see the style that leads to the Rent. Overall, quite enjoyable… and I did like the last song and the way it turned from a climax to the happy birthday song…
It was a quiet and reflective day… something I need more of… missing Boston… the days with P and snow falling outside and a hot drink and a book on my lap… days of quiet contentment…
到不了的都叫做远方
回不去的名字叫家乡
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Counting my Blessings
Deeply mired in the quicksand pit of marking, marking and more marking…developing a permanent headache and white hairs… I wake up marking, escape from marking by marking, and I sleep marking…
Scribbled this list down during invigilation just now and am taking 5 minutes to type these 10 little happiness and blessings from these marking-filled days to save myself from insanity and imminent brain-dead-ness… to prove to myself, my life is NOT all marking and there are things to be happy for…
1. Had a wonderful night dancing on Saturday…
salsa-ed till past midnite and did a number of lovely dances …
2. Dinner with my mom and brother at Sakae, a rare outing with my family…
3. Tea with Lin on Mon, it’s always sweet to see her…
4. Half an hour of frenzied shopping of retail therapy, came away with 3 pretty skirts and 2 tops.
5. Great Lyrical Jazz class last night, felt good about myself…
6. My jazz friend gave me a lift home! Saving me at least forty minutes of extra sleep
7. P managed to find a number of my favorite salsa and bachata songs recently,
songs that I spent ages looking for to no avail
8. Today is Tuesday = Fried Chicken Day!
9. Meeting Fen for a dinner date at Naxos on Wed, dance, dinner and a good friend!
Looking forward to the relaxation…
10. I finally, finally, finally managed to finish my blood-sucking sec. 3 essay papers!… papers that make me want to literally tear my hair out and breaks my heart with all these people that I’m failing… its finally done and I can finally move on to the sec. 1 essays which are narrative and will hopefully be a breeze after the sec. 3 torture.
And now… it’s back to the grind…
Scribbled this list down during invigilation just now and am taking 5 minutes to type these 10 little happiness and blessings from these marking-filled days to save myself from insanity and imminent brain-dead-ness… to prove to myself, my life is NOT all marking and there are things to be happy for…
1. Had a wonderful night dancing on Saturday…
salsa-ed till past midnite and did a number of lovely dances …
2. Dinner with my mom and brother at Sakae, a rare outing with my family…
3. Tea with Lin on Mon, it’s always sweet to see her…
4. Half an hour of frenzied shopping of retail therapy, came away with 3 pretty skirts and 2 tops.
5. Great Lyrical Jazz class last night, felt good about myself…
6. My jazz friend gave me a lift home! Saving me at least forty minutes of extra sleep
7. P managed to find a number of my favorite salsa and bachata songs recently,
songs that I spent ages looking for to no avail
8. Today is Tuesday = Fried Chicken Day!
9. Meeting Fen for a dinner date at Naxos on Wed, dance, dinner and a good friend!
Looking forward to the relaxation…
10. I finally, finally, finally managed to finish my blood-sucking sec. 3 essay papers!… papers that make me want to literally tear my hair out and breaks my heart with all these people that I’m failing… its finally done and I can finally move on to the sec. 1 essays which are narrative and will hopefully be a breeze after the sec. 3 torture.
And now… it’s back to the grind…
Monday, September 25, 2006
New York Memories...
Was talking to a friend who is in New York and it brought back so many memories… The friend doesn’t enjoy New York, which is sad. I know many of my friends don’t like New York, thinking it too citified and populated and dirty… I do admit New York is all those faults and more,,, but there is more to New York that. Nothing beats New York for the sheer sense of life and living… there’s always something going on and there’s always something to do… its happening and exciting and there is no place that makes you feel as alive as the city of the Big Apple. And there are the little oasis that are scattered around Manhattan…
Always remember the days I spent wandering around Central Park… the breezy day in summer surrounded by all the green… reading a book by the lake in the calming and soothing shade and the Angel of the Waters in view….. the snow scattered lawns and the crystal blue sky in December… the chill and crisp air and watching people walking dogs…. Sipping tea in a quaint café in East Village in between digging through the various vintage shops… the delicious salmon dinner by the fireside in a brownstone restaurant…. Rockefeller with its Christmas lights… the warmth of the golden-hued Astor Hall in the library in winter…Canal Street with its market wares and the smell of freshly roasted honey nuts…. Bryant Park in summer filled with people for the Broadway concert under the stars and in December with its Christmas fair… Times Square with its billboards and its lights… Chelsea with its art galleries and the museum mile providing different things to see every day… the Hudson in the evening when the waters turn rose and navy….Little Korea with its Asian stores and themed restaurants…Brooklyn Heights and Bridge with its incredible view…the Cloisters in spring with its blossoms of every color… even Harlem and its gospel choirs on Sunday…and Strand… a place I can spent an entire day in itself….and the magic of Broadway itself….
How can anyone not like New York? The pure character and chameleon-like facades… changing with every different area …from Wall Street and the Financial Center to East Village to the Upper West Side to Soho and Chinatown to Fifth Ave to Harlem and to Brooklyn…And so easily accessible via the admittedly stinky subway. New York is everything from the gritty street life and cozy street cafes to elegant boulevards and enchanting theatres. It doesn’t aim to please and it doesn’t need to. And most of all, it doesn’t short-change you for the experience as long as you dare to explore… and you can never ever say you are bored in New York…
I do agree that the frenzied pace of the city makes it unsuitable for one to retire in or to live in long-term… but I simply can’t resist its allure… New York sparkles and shines and it’s so easy to fall for… I remember I once told P, I want to stay in Boston but live in New York…
Always remember the days I spent wandering around Central Park… the breezy day in summer surrounded by all the green… reading a book by the lake in the calming and soothing shade and the Angel of the Waters in view….. the snow scattered lawns and the crystal blue sky in December… the chill and crisp air and watching people walking dogs…. Sipping tea in a quaint café in East Village in between digging through the various vintage shops… the delicious salmon dinner by the fireside in a brownstone restaurant…. Rockefeller with its Christmas lights… the warmth of the golden-hued Astor Hall in the library in winter…Canal Street with its market wares and the smell of freshly roasted honey nuts…. Bryant Park in summer filled with people for the Broadway concert under the stars and in December with its Christmas fair… Times Square with its billboards and its lights… Chelsea with its art galleries and the museum mile providing different things to see every day… the Hudson in the evening when the waters turn rose and navy….Little Korea with its Asian stores and themed restaurants…Brooklyn Heights and Bridge with its incredible view…the Cloisters in spring with its blossoms of every color… even Harlem and its gospel choirs on Sunday…and Strand… a place I can spent an entire day in itself….and the magic of Broadway itself….
How can anyone not like New York? The pure character and chameleon-like facades… changing with every different area …from Wall Street and the Financial Center to East Village to the Upper West Side to Soho and Chinatown to Fifth Ave to Harlem and to Brooklyn…And so easily accessible via the admittedly stinky subway. New York is everything from the gritty street life and cozy street cafes to elegant boulevards and enchanting theatres. It doesn’t aim to please and it doesn’t need to. And most of all, it doesn’t short-change you for the experience as long as you dare to explore… and you can never ever say you are bored in New York…
I do agree that the frenzied pace of the city makes it unsuitable for one to retire in or to live in long-term… but I simply can’t resist its allure… New York sparkles and shines and it’s so easy to fall for… I remember I once told P, I want to stay in Boston but live in New York…
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Lost and Found
Been losing things and finding that at most inopportune places recently… and the sheer joy at the discovery is unbelievable…
Spent 15 minutes searching for my black top on Friday morning as I had my heart set on wearing it that day. 15 minutes might not sound like much but its A LOT on a school morning and it meant that I missed breakfast *and* the 640 bus and was almost late for school. As it was, I reached at the nick of time of 730am, 5 minutes before assembly and all for nothing as I didn’t manage to find the top in the end.
Spent the entire Sat morning searching for it again and questioned my parents to no avail. Gave up on it and was consoling myself by planning when I’ll go back to the shop to buy it again (I really liked that top!) when I suddenly had the inspiration to search the pile of clothes-which-I-try-and-discard-on-the-mornings again and miraculously found it! I swear I searched through that pile at least twice beforehand. But I was so happy.
Woke up this morning and had to go for a somewhat-formal lunch with my Mom. Was lazy to dress up and decided to put on my staple pair of earrings and dug through my gym bag for my white jewelry pouch — once, twice and three times. Took the bag over to my mom’s room to search more thoroughly and still nope. Felt the rising panic but was too tired to panic (suffering from the effects of sleeping at 3am)… Called my gym as that was the last time I saw the pouch. Gym promised to search and call so I went off for lunch. Gym didn’t call back by the time I got home so called again… and called again at 630pm only to discovered from the ringing tone that they closed for the day. Ok… undercurrents of panic (still too lethargic for a full- blown attack)…the pouch contains the jewelry my kids gave me for teachers’ day and my two staple sets of earrings and a misc. array of jewelry. If nothing else, the ring P gave me is in that pouch and I will kill myself if I lost it. Ironically, I was debating if I should wear the ring when I was in the gym but decided against it as I was afraid I’ll lose it while dancing…. Called Xuan… the person I always call when I’m feeling low…
Seriously thinking of what to do if I really never recover my pouch (and the ring!) when I decided to re-search my gym bag again…. And miraculously…I actually found it in a side pocket! Although why the hell did I put it in the side pocket where it could easily fall out is something I’ll never be able to fathom.
I can’t describe the incredible feeling I got when I found these stuff I “lost” through plain stupidity …. The feeling of being blessed and incredibly lucky… it’s almost worth the torture I went through thinking I’ll never see my stuff again… almost.
Now… if only I’ll find the wallet I lost last Dec… that contains my non-replaceable photos and matric cards from two unis…
Spent 15 minutes searching for my black top on Friday morning as I had my heart set on wearing it that day. 15 minutes might not sound like much but its A LOT on a school morning and it meant that I missed breakfast *and* the 640 bus and was almost late for school. As it was, I reached at the nick of time of 730am, 5 minutes before assembly and all for nothing as I didn’t manage to find the top in the end.
Spent the entire Sat morning searching for it again and questioned my parents to no avail. Gave up on it and was consoling myself by planning when I’ll go back to the shop to buy it again (I really liked that top!) when I suddenly had the inspiration to search the pile of clothes-which-I-try-and-discard-on-the-mornings again and miraculously found it! I swear I searched through that pile at least twice beforehand. But I was so happy.
Woke up this morning and had to go for a somewhat-formal lunch with my Mom. Was lazy to dress up and decided to put on my staple pair of earrings and dug through my gym bag for my white jewelry pouch — once, twice and three times. Took the bag over to my mom’s room to search more thoroughly and still nope. Felt the rising panic but was too tired to panic (suffering from the effects of sleeping at 3am)… Called my gym as that was the last time I saw the pouch. Gym promised to search and call so I went off for lunch. Gym didn’t call back by the time I got home so called again… and called again at 630pm only to discovered from the ringing tone that they closed for the day. Ok… undercurrents of panic (still too lethargic for a full- blown attack)…the pouch contains the jewelry my kids gave me for teachers’ day and my two staple sets of earrings and a misc. array of jewelry. If nothing else, the ring P gave me is in that pouch and I will kill myself if I lost it. Ironically, I was debating if I should wear the ring when I was in the gym but decided against it as I was afraid I’ll lose it while dancing…. Called Xuan… the person I always call when I’m feeling low…
Seriously thinking of what to do if I really never recover my pouch (and the ring!) when I decided to re-search my gym bag again…. And miraculously…I actually found it in a side pocket! Although why the hell did I put it in the side pocket where it could easily fall out is something I’ll never be able to fathom.
I can’t describe the incredible feeling I got when I found these stuff I “lost” through plain stupidity …. The feeling of being blessed and incredibly lucky… it’s almost worth the torture I went through thinking I’ll never see my stuff again… almost.
Now… if only I’ll find the wallet I lost last Dec… that contains my non-replaceable photos and matric cards from two unis…
Friends we don't see enough...
Now Playing: For Good - Wicked Soundtrack
Days been pretty jammed recently… sometimes I wonder if I’m pushing myself too much… Dad commented that I’m out till late almost every night and he doesn’t know how I get the energy to get up every morning at six… (although I admit that the morning hour of 6am is the lowest point of my life every weekday).
Work is piling up, more often than not as my papers have come in and the annual holistic report is due… I’m really lucky in the sense that as I’m teaching translation, I only teach two hcl classes and therefore has a smaller marking load than other teachers. My co-form is a dear and takes half of the holistic report workload off me too…but the papers remain piled and don’t seem to lessen… Also been informed that I’m down for O level markings… which extends my marking season till end of Nov… already anticipating the brain-dead-ness…
Recently met an old friend by accident while going for my jazz class at Capital Towers… didn’t know that she actually works at Capital Towers and already has for two years… Managed to squeeze in an hour on Friday for a chat over coffee… Somehow this reminds me of how I’m not meeting up with my old friends… I do see Lin every now and then (more then than now) and I see Xuan for dance every week… but otherwise… all my dear friends, JX, Shimei, Zai, Jia and more… Friends that watched me grow and whom I grew up with… friends that have seen me at my best and my worst and know me inside out… I haven’t seen them for ages and when I do it’s usually once a year. It used to be because they were overseas and I was overseas (or as in Zai’s case, she’s still overseas)… but now we are all on this small little island and we still see each other about once a year… even if Jia stays 10 minutes away!
What is it about human beings that we take such things for granted?
During the chat with Xiao Gua on Fri… I discovered that she’s actually leaving for China next year… and that made me resolve to see her more often. We met last year for her birthday and it’s been almost a year since. Somehow it made me question myself, does it have to take the fact that she’s leaving to wake me up? If she isn’t leaving, when will I take the initiative to meet her again?
I used to pride myself on keeping in touch with my friends. Somehow, the ability slipped away as I started work and various other commitments like salsa and gym. And because all of us is so busy and it takes ages to plan a meet (it took JX and me a month to find a time to meet up for a birthday), sometimes I don’t even bother to make calls when I want to watch plays… I usually just go with my mom or myself. Only to find out that my friends usually do want to watch too… (Yea, Gab, this means you. I’m confessing here).
Time… everything boils down to time… With dance lessons 4 nights a week and gym at least 3 times a week and usually a play or a seminar or some other commitment on the other night and catching up on my work on Sundays… I’m usually rushing here and there with barely enough time for a meal in between sometimes…
But is it worth it? I know I’m doing what I want to do…and I really do enjoy everything I’m doing… I’m making friends through salsa and dance… but is it really worth it?
Nothing will ever replace my friends… people that really know me and still accept me for who I am… and somehow that never changes… when I talked to xiao gua on Friday… it was like the year in between with no contact never happened… we knew what each other was talking about and we could talk about everything, from life plans and worries to yoga classes… we could pick up the unvoiced nuances in what each other said... that kind of comfort only comes from shared history and friendship… and I wouldn’t want to give that up for anything…
But I do fear that I take it for granted… I know my friends wouldn’t change… oh, we will grow and mature… but who we are inside, that wouldn’t change…and our friendship wouldn’t change… but circumstances do… and I’m just not seeing my friends enough…
And I don’t ever want my friends to think that I do not appreciate them because I do… we have shared so much together over the years and nothing would ever take it away and its priceless… and I want to see them more often… not just the once a year for birthdays and before either of us go overseas… but regularly as we used to back in uni and school… I want to be able to talk about our troubles and to share our happiness and to know what’s going on in their lives…I want that closeness that we used to share on a daily basis…these people are more than friends to me…
But will it happen? Will be meeting up with Jia for her birthday and Fen in October… been making plans to meet up with Gab for Happy (a date that has yet to materialize)…but its all not enough….somehow…
Days been pretty jammed recently… sometimes I wonder if I’m pushing myself too much… Dad commented that I’m out till late almost every night and he doesn’t know how I get the energy to get up every morning at six… (although I admit that the morning hour of 6am is the lowest point of my life every weekday).
Work is piling up, more often than not as my papers have come in and the annual holistic report is due… I’m really lucky in the sense that as I’m teaching translation, I only teach two hcl classes and therefore has a smaller marking load than other teachers. My co-form is a dear and takes half of the holistic report workload off me too…but the papers remain piled and don’t seem to lessen… Also been informed that I’m down for O level markings… which extends my marking season till end of Nov… already anticipating the brain-dead-ness…
Recently met an old friend by accident while going for my jazz class at Capital Towers… didn’t know that she actually works at Capital Towers and already has for two years… Managed to squeeze in an hour on Friday for a chat over coffee… Somehow this reminds me of how I’m not meeting up with my old friends… I do see Lin every now and then (more then than now) and I see Xuan for dance every week… but otherwise… all my dear friends, JX, Shimei, Zai, Jia and more… Friends that watched me grow and whom I grew up with… friends that have seen me at my best and my worst and know me inside out… I haven’t seen them for ages and when I do it’s usually once a year. It used to be because they were overseas and I was overseas (or as in Zai’s case, she’s still overseas)… but now we are all on this small little island and we still see each other about once a year… even if Jia stays 10 minutes away!
What is it about human beings that we take such things for granted?
During the chat with Xiao Gua on Fri… I discovered that she’s actually leaving for China next year… and that made me resolve to see her more often. We met last year for her birthday and it’s been almost a year since. Somehow it made me question myself, does it have to take the fact that she’s leaving to wake me up? If she isn’t leaving, when will I take the initiative to meet her again?
I used to pride myself on keeping in touch with my friends. Somehow, the ability slipped away as I started work and various other commitments like salsa and gym. And because all of us is so busy and it takes ages to plan a meet (it took JX and me a month to find a time to meet up for a birthday), sometimes I don’t even bother to make calls when I want to watch plays… I usually just go with my mom or myself. Only to find out that my friends usually do want to watch too… (Yea, Gab, this means you. I’m confessing here).
Time… everything boils down to time… With dance lessons 4 nights a week and gym at least 3 times a week and usually a play or a seminar or some other commitment on the other night and catching up on my work on Sundays… I’m usually rushing here and there with barely enough time for a meal in between sometimes…
But is it worth it? I know I’m doing what I want to do…and I really do enjoy everything I’m doing… I’m making friends through salsa and dance… but is it really worth it?
Nothing will ever replace my friends… people that really know me and still accept me for who I am… and somehow that never changes… when I talked to xiao gua on Friday… it was like the year in between with no contact never happened… we knew what each other was talking about and we could talk about everything, from life plans and worries to yoga classes… we could pick up the unvoiced nuances in what each other said... that kind of comfort only comes from shared history and friendship… and I wouldn’t want to give that up for anything…
But I do fear that I take it for granted… I know my friends wouldn’t change… oh, we will grow and mature… but who we are inside, that wouldn’t change…and our friendship wouldn’t change… but circumstances do… and I’m just not seeing my friends enough…
And I don’t ever want my friends to think that I do not appreciate them because I do… we have shared so much together over the years and nothing would ever take it away and its priceless… and I want to see them more often… not just the once a year for birthdays and before either of us go overseas… but regularly as we used to back in uni and school… I want to be able to talk about our troubles and to share our happiness and to know what’s going on in their lives…I want that closeness that we used to share on a daily basis…these people are more than friends to me…
But will it happen? Will be meeting up with Jia for her birthday and Fen in October… been making plans to meet up with Gab for Happy (a date that has yet to materialize)…but its all not enough….somehow…
Aftermath... dancing....
Now Playing: Solo Por Un Beso - Aventura
Had the first late night in… months? Years? Haven’t stayed out so late for ages… I don’t know what made me stay in Union last night till 215am. My classmates were all surprised why “Cinderella” isn’t leaving at her 11pm curfew, and I actually stayed on after they left at 1am.
Just didn’t feel like going home.
Danced for six hours and did a lot of dances with guys that I always enjoy dancing with… really love the feeling of a good dance, dancing with a lead that doesn’t just have good technique but who actually feels the music and passion and dances with feeling…
Someone I don’t know and probably never danced with asked me by the dance floor last night if I was a good salsa dancer. It was a really weird question not to mention quite rude and out of the blue… but it set me thinking. Not about whether I’m a good salsa dancer or not… I suppose I’m adequate although I still can’t execute perfect double turns more often than not and my beat goes off at times as some of the dance partners that I dance with quite often say… but I do get compliments and enough dance requests to build my confidence on the dance floor :P (I’m really happy that I can go to union alone and still know enough people to keep me dancing as I did on Fri… it’s a long way from one year ago… )
Was talking with a guy friend yesterday by the dance floor and he asked me if I noticed how most of the guys at Union uses the same few moves and you never see a unique style…he seemed kinda demoralized (I can’t imagine why, he’s one of my favorite dance partners)…and he asked me why I enjoyed dancing with him because he thinks he’s the same… don’t remember my exact answer now but it was something like this. I do think that even if all the guys use the same technical moves, I get different feelings when I dance with different guys… the moves might be the same, but the passion is different. Some guys can execute perfect and complicated dance moves, but the dance can feel very cold. Some guys have very flashy styles, but you just can’t enjoy the dance.
Its not about the technique or looking good… its dancing with someone that makes you feel good, someone who makes the effort to protect you on the dance floor and immerses you into the music and the mood… even if its just doing basics and cross-body leads over and over again, it’ll still be fun and feel good… (and yes, I do dance with guys that do that).
I can’t explain exactly what it is about certain leads that really make me enjoy the dance… sometimes its just the feeling… like my last dance last night… it was a bachata dance and I still don’t really know the steps to bachata despite my 3 bachata workshops (yea, many apologies to the poor guys that danced bachata with me last night), but the dancer simply held me close and asked me to close my eyes and let him lead. So I did and I let the music overwhelm me… and it was one of the best dances of the night…
Had the first late night in… months? Years? Haven’t stayed out so late for ages… I don’t know what made me stay in Union last night till 215am. My classmates were all surprised why “Cinderella” isn’t leaving at her 11pm curfew, and I actually stayed on after they left at 1am.
Just didn’t feel like going home.
Danced for six hours and did a lot of dances with guys that I always enjoy dancing with… really love the feeling of a good dance, dancing with a lead that doesn’t just have good technique but who actually feels the music and passion and dances with feeling…
Someone I don’t know and probably never danced with asked me by the dance floor last night if I was a good salsa dancer. It was a really weird question not to mention quite rude and out of the blue… but it set me thinking. Not about whether I’m a good salsa dancer or not… I suppose I’m adequate although I still can’t execute perfect double turns more often than not and my beat goes off at times as some of the dance partners that I dance with quite often say… but I do get compliments and enough dance requests to build my confidence on the dance floor :P (I’m really happy that I can go to union alone and still know enough people to keep me dancing as I did on Fri… it’s a long way from one year ago… )
Was talking with a guy friend yesterday by the dance floor and he asked me if I noticed how most of the guys at Union uses the same few moves and you never see a unique style…he seemed kinda demoralized (I can’t imagine why, he’s one of my favorite dance partners)…and he asked me why I enjoyed dancing with him because he thinks he’s the same… don’t remember my exact answer now but it was something like this. I do think that even if all the guys use the same technical moves, I get different feelings when I dance with different guys… the moves might be the same, but the passion is different. Some guys can execute perfect and complicated dance moves, but the dance can feel very cold. Some guys have very flashy styles, but you just can’t enjoy the dance.
Its not about the technique or looking good… its dancing with someone that makes you feel good, someone who makes the effort to protect you on the dance floor and immerses you into the music and the mood… even if its just doing basics and cross-body leads over and over again, it’ll still be fun and feel good… (and yes, I do dance with guys that do that).
I can’t explain exactly what it is about certain leads that really make me enjoy the dance… sometimes its just the feeling… like my last dance last night… it was a bachata dance and I still don’t really know the steps to bachata despite my 3 bachata workshops (yea, many apologies to the poor guys that danced bachata with me last night), but the dancer simply held me close and asked me to close my eyes and let him lead. So I did and I let the music overwhelm me… and it was one of the best dances of the night…
Friday, September 22, 2006
郁
最近不知为什么，感觉郁郁。其实生活很丰富的。周日工作量很多，而且都是看得到成果的。上了几个进修课，包括一连三日很精彩的孔庆东的讲座。自己负责安排 的讲座刚结束。卷子也改了大部分。晚上都有课，而且也蛮有满足感。周末都去跳舞，现在都很享受跳舞的时候，已不再如刚开始时的僵硬，认识的朋友也多。最近 刚刚考了英文考试，感觉离与期盼的未来近了些。十二月的假也安排了差不多。时不时与父母一起吃饭，看戏。上周和妈妈看了弟弟的表演，这周和妈妈看电影。周 三和林一起去了间酒吧听音乐。周日上了个蛮不错的舞蹈课。又开始上爵士课。下周将和妈妈看《雷雨》，周六考翻译课程的入学试。日子可以说是精彩。但不知为 何，就是郁郁。
总有些小小的不如意。总使人感觉不甘，因此而不开心。如此的放不下，放不开。无法释怀，也就郁郁。平最近总是忙碌。感觉自己被冷落。却不由得想起，自己刚开始工作时是否也如此。但却无法释怀。习惯被宠，习惯他的嘘寒问暖，习惯他每日的电邮，习惯他任我予取予求。
孔老师的金庸讲座，让我忆起了在大学时的日子，和上一个真正好老师的一堂精彩的课的满足感。怀念当学生的感觉，读自己有兴趣的东西，发掘新的体会与知识的那种满足与兴奋。生活的自由，精神的丰富。
学生最近是让我开心地泉源。他们的乖巧，逗趣，偶尔的贴心举止。但，考试将临，他们的不懂事也是让我烦恼的泉源。总觉得，自己实在帮不了他们什么。
也不知我还要什么。不知道自己还缺什么。生活按计划而走，却不懂得享受这个过程，只懂得怀念。这样的人呀。
生亦何欢，死亦何忧，悠悠世人，自扰实多。
Sunday, September 03, 2006
What's in a bag?
Been lugging around a huge gym bag recently, and thus many friends’ greeting upon seeing me was not “hello” or “hey” but “what’s in the bag????” which prompted me to do this post which also helps me know exactly what am I lugging around???
Reminded somewhat of a local newspaper’s feature of detailing items in some celebrity's bag and decided to treat myself as a celebrity and do it that way with mini-explanations for each item, minus the cute celebrity photo :P
Shoes:
Ÿ white salsa character shoes, reason obvious
Ÿ black jazz shoes, for lyrical and ff’s groove & jazz and bodyjam classes
Ÿ blue track shoes/white dance sneakers in a black bbss shoebag, for step and combat classes
and yes, I do carry all three pairs of shoes around at days when I have all the classes!
Books:
Ÿ “Without You”, an autobiography I’m reading that P sent over from the states
Ÿ “Qingnian WenCai”, Chinese mag that the school ordered, great for short leisure reading and I’m using it to search for compre passages for the end-year paper I’m supposed to set
Ÿ Toefl guide book, borrowed from Eugene and my test is in two weeks!
Ÿ Blue Peking U jotter book, I have several such small notebooks, some pretty, some not. I use them to doodle and jot down notes… this one is already half filled with my Taiwan notes…
Utilities: since I joined the gym, I tend to shower before I go home… hence the many utilities pouches
Ÿ Shower pack, with my shampoo, facial cleanser etc in this waterproof black mesh bag that I keep in a plastic ziplock
Ÿ Moisturizer pack, a black kookai bag that holds a amazing array of moisturizers and toners etc for different times of the day and other extras like perfumes, combs etc
Ÿ Make up pouch, because I have some events recently like the RV dinner and JJ’s salsa party that requires make up…
Ÿ Jewelry pouch, to keep loose jewelry safe when I’m in the gym
Ÿ A change of clothes is usually in there too but it’s out the minute I get home…
Misc. Stuff:
Ÿ Ipod in a white drawstring pouch – for music
Ÿ iRiver mp3 player in a cute blue elephant pouch – I use this more as a usb drive and when my ipod batt dies on me
Ÿ my blue wallet (P has a matching grey one!) – holds my cards and cash
Ÿ 4 packets of tissue – I used to have none until I bought 4 for 1 dollar from a little boy at Maxwell last week
Ÿ Fitness First’s Sept/Oct schedule – I carry this all the time for easy reference
Ÿ Small packet of healthy snacks I bought from the Healthy Snack Day bazaar the school had last week… its quite yummy though I nickname it bird food
Ÿ And a piece of Dove Chocolate that my student gave me for teachers’ day
Ÿ Keys – on a green Chinese knot key chain my brother gave me back when I was fifteen
Ÿ My darling handphone in its amber handphone pouch – P bought this for me for our 5th Anniversary
Ÿ My Sec 3s’ formal letter papers – the current set of papers that I carry around all the time with the good intention of marking
Ÿ An array of red pens for marking and a single green pen for note-jotting
Ÿ A packet of red wet tissue I took from the ktv I went with my colleagues on teachers’ day – or to be more accurate, that Wanshi took and stuffed at me, saying that since we paid for it, might as well take it.
Ÿ A mismash of papers and bills lying right at the bottom of the bag that I do not dare to search through… it holds and is not restricted to my exams confirmation slips, information of various events I attended and have to attend like the Teacher Mass lecture and others I do not yet dare to think of…
Ÿ The Bag Itself! – a blue-grey Elle gym carry-all that I bought at Taiwan. I love it for carrying all my stuff without a complain :)
Monday, August 21, 2006
Tis' Life...
Had an extremely packed but fulfilling weekend…
My weekend started early on Friday night when I met up with Xuan for a quick dinner (p.s., there’s this mini bistro at Raffles Marketplace that sells quite yummy Saigon Baguette, refreshing filling and crispy bread, but must tell the girl to slice it else its very hard to eat) and the play, Salsa Salsa Salsa. I guess Homesick set quite a high bar… found Salsa x 3 slightly lacking with its choppy scenes and flubbed lines… still, for a first long play and the ability of the young playwright to get into the mind of 4 old ladies, its still a commendable effort.
Brought my students to Hwachong to attend a JC Seminar by NUS on Saturday morning, really enjoyed this outing. There was one lecture that was particularly interesting but that’s not the highlight. It was like a mass reunion, meeting up with my secondary school, jc and university teachers! I even met several ex-classmates-turned-teachers that were also bringing their students to attend. Caught up with kapoh who’s retiring end of this year… its sad… as he said, from next year onwards, when we step into the LEP room, there will be no familiar faces anymore… Also chatted with my uni prof who gave me several good suggestions on where to do my ma course. All the familiar faces made up for the slowly becoming unfamiliar campus… the two wings and canteen didn’t change, but the auditorium is one unfamiliar place… although one of my jc teachers commented that its actually deteriorating already…. Makes me feel old…
Rushed down afterwards for Belinda’s last jazz class… and probably also my last jazz class for awhile. She’s so sweet… and I’ll miss her so…
Went for a swim afterwards before salsa. Today is the complicated move that I remembered from Jan, didn’t help that I felt really tired…
Woke up at an unearthly hour on Sunday for the wushu competition… Reached school at 720am and the sports hall at 8am. Spent the whole day there as my kids’ last competition was at 4pm. Spent so much time and effort on this competition, both preparation and competing itself but it was all worth it, my kids did really well! We didn’t expect a single medal considering that we are so new and it’s an Open Championship. But we won 2 golds, 1 silver, 1 bronze and two placings of 4th and 5th. Really not bad at all for a first time try at the Open Championships! They are so moved that they actually cried on Saturday on winning our first gold. My sec 1s were in disbelief most of the time. Am really proud of them.
Went for dinner with my mom and dad after the competition at Sakae… I’m not spending enough time with them really… with my busy schedule… so was happy at the chance to spend some quality time with them.
Marked like mad for the weekend… have so many classes of essays, tests, letters and exercises that I’m slowly being flattened… Promised my Sec. 3s that they’ll be able to know their test results on Monday so was hiding in a corner at the sports hall on Sunday between my kids’ competition events to mark and stayed up last night to finish marking another class of essays. Will probably stay up tonight as well…. It’s the Annual Never-Ending Non-Stop August–October Marking Season again…. From CA to End-of-Year- to Mock Exams….
And so is life….
My weekend started early on Friday night when I met up with Xuan for a quick dinner (p.s., there’s this mini bistro at Raffles Marketplace that sells quite yummy Saigon Baguette, refreshing filling and crispy bread, but must tell the girl to slice it else its very hard to eat) and the play, Salsa Salsa Salsa. I guess Homesick set quite a high bar… found Salsa x 3 slightly lacking with its choppy scenes and flubbed lines… still, for a first long play and the ability of the young playwright to get into the mind of 4 old ladies, its still a commendable effort.
Brought my students to Hwachong to attend a JC Seminar by NUS on Saturday morning, really enjoyed this outing. There was one lecture that was particularly interesting but that’s not the highlight. It was like a mass reunion, meeting up with my secondary school, jc and university teachers! I even met several ex-classmates-turned-teachers that were also bringing their students to attend. Caught up with kapoh who’s retiring end of this year… its sad… as he said, from next year onwards, when we step into the LEP room, there will be no familiar faces anymore… Also chatted with my uni prof who gave me several good suggestions on where to do my ma course. All the familiar faces made up for the slowly becoming unfamiliar campus… the two wings and canteen didn’t change, but the auditorium is one unfamiliar place… although one of my jc teachers commented that its actually deteriorating already…. Makes me feel old…
Rushed down afterwards for Belinda’s last jazz class… and probably also my last jazz class for awhile. She’s so sweet… and I’ll miss her so…
Went for a swim afterwards before salsa. Today is the complicated move that I remembered from Jan, didn’t help that I felt really tired…
Woke up at an unearthly hour on Sunday for the wushu competition… Reached school at 720am and the sports hall at 8am. Spent the whole day there as my kids’ last competition was at 4pm. Spent so much time and effort on this competition, both preparation and competing itself but it was all worth it, my kids did really well! We didn’t expect a single medal considering that we are so new and it’s an Open Championship. But we won 2 golds, 1 silver, 1 bronze and two placings of 4th and 5th. Really not bad at all for a first time try at the Open Championships! They are so moved that they actually cried on Saturday on winning our first gold. My sec 1s were in disbelief most of the time. Am really proud of them.
Went for dinner with my mom and dad after the competition at Sakae… I’m not spending enough time with them really… with my busy schedule… so was happy at the chance to spend some quality time with them.
Marked like mad for the weekend… have so many classes of essays, tests, letters and exercises that I’m slowly being flattened… Promised my Sec. 3s that they’ll be able to know their test results on Monday so was hiding in a corner at the sports hall on Sunday between my kids’ competition events to mark and stayed up last night to finish marking another class of essays. Will probably stay up tonight as well…. It’s the Annual Never-Ending Non-Stop August–October Marking Season again…. From CA to End-of-Year- to Mock Exams….
And so is life….
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Another weekend's here...
Now Playing: Under the Weather - Kt Turnstall
It was a good week, partly due to the fact that there was only two days of school. Had quite a packed week though, but did mostly stuff that I liked doing and was doing for myself. Spoiled myself on Tuesday and Thursday and spent time with myself. Spent a lot of time with my family as well. Went to the gym with my mom on wed, and spent the day at home afterwards with my dad watching tv.
Met up with Lin on Thursday, with the both of us so busy, it was the first time we actually met up since the hols.
Watched Eleanor Wong’s Campaign on Friday after a extremely busy day at school. It wasn’t as good as Homesick, but it was still good. Guess it wasn’t personal enough for me. Watched it with Shuhui and Qinyu and we went for dinner/supper afterwards.
Took my kids down for translation competition on Sat morning to Changi. (got such a shock at the location when I first found out). I have really good kids for translation, it’s a competition that requires a lot of work and they are all so busy and piled up with work, yet they never fail to deliver. Even my backup who is even busier and won’t even really be taking part in the competition still did her work. I don’t know how we’ll do, but they have already done well for me and I'm so proud of them.
Went for Belinda’s jazz class afterwards and was so tired I lay down for a short nap since I was early. Went to the gym to swim after the class before going for salsa.
Yesterday night was a quiet night at union, but danced a lot; many friends turned up and had quite a good time.
Going to spend a quiet day today at home… woke up at 1pm! Finally going to get some marking done after the rude awakening that my class is due to write their 7th essay when I haven’t even marked the 5th and let them write their 6th…. I am so behind in my marking its slowly not being funny anymore…
Got two lovely presents this week…. A parcel from P which always brightens up my day with surprise postcards from DC where he stayed for a month and couldn’t find a single thing suitable for a memento and a sweet surprise from Lin of seaweed in the shape of animals she bought awhile back when I was feeling low. Feel so loved….
When I turn out the light, you're out of sight
Although I know that I'm not alone
Feels like home...
It was a good week, partly due to the fact that there was only two days of school. Had quite a packed week though, but did mostly stuff that I liked doing and was doing for myself. Spoiled myself on Tuesday and Thursday and spent time with myself. Spent a lot of time with my family as well. Went to the gym with my mom on wed, and spent the day at home afterwards with my dad watching tv.
Met up with Lin on Thursday, with the both of us so busy, it was the first time we actually met up since the hols.
Watched Eleanor Wong’s Campaign on Friday after a extremely busy day at school. It wasn’t as good as Homesick, but it was still good. Guess it wasn’t personal enough for me. Watched it with Shuhui and Qinyu and we went for dinner/supper afterwards.
Took my kids down for translation competition on Sat morning to Changi. (got such a shock at the location when I first found out). I have really good kids for translation, it’s a competition that requires a lot of work and they are all so busy and piled up with work, yet they never fail to deliver. Even my backup who is even busier and won’t even really be taking part in the competition still did her work. I don’t know how we’ll do, but they have already done well for me and I'm so proud of them.
Went for Belinda’s jazz class afterwards and was so tired I lay down for a short nap since I was early. Went to the gym to swim after the class before going for salsa.
Yesterday night was a quiet night at union, but danced a lot; many friends turned up and had quite a good time.
Going to spend a quiet day today at home… woke up at 1pm! Finally going to get some marking done after the rude awakening that my class is due to write their 7th essay when I haven’t even marked the 5th and let them write their 6th…. I am so behind in my marking its slowly not being funny anymore…
Got two lovely presents this week…. A parcel from P which always brightens up my day with surprise postcards from DC where he stayed for a month and couldn’t find a single thing suitable for a memento and a sweet surprise from Lin of seaweed in the shape of animals she bought awhile back when I was feeling low. Feel so loved….
When I turn out the light, you're out of sight
Although I know that I'm not alone
Feels like home...
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Weekend...
Had a full day of exercise on Saturday… counted when I met Eugene for dinner… it was about 7-8 hours! But somehow I’m not really aching anywhere today which is very good news. Muscles were screaming the whole of last week when I just started my exercise regime after joining my fitness centre. Hm… perhaps my body has adjusted to the change.
Yesterday was Vincent’s last class… quite sad… I’ll miss him so, he’s really the best instructor I’ve had… the one that can really motivate me to do the best I can. It doesn’t help that my other favorite jazz instructor is also leaving… Originally joined my fitness centre hoping that it can replace the jazz classes, but after taking one bodyjam class (supposedly the class that can replace my jazz classes), I’m starting to realize that its not quite the same thing… contemplating to try out O school… although how I’m going to be able to fit it in my current schedule is quite beyond my concept.
But I don’t regret joining my fitness centre despite the exorbitant fees…. The service is great and I still do like the classes, especially Body Balance. And for all that Body Jam lack in technique, it’s still a good workout. And so is Body Combat. And I love the saunas and steam rooms at all the clubs and the fact that I can shower and get my hair dry when I get home. Plus the view over the pool at One George St is absolutely gorgeous.…
All the exercise I’m doing is making me feel much better… somehow its clearing my head and I don’t feel so tired all the time so much… maybe because I don’t think so much when I’m doing the classes so my brain can finally take a break…
Woke up late today thou and decided to skip the morning body jam classes I was planning to take… after 6 days of exercise this week and the 7 hours yesterday, I guess I deserved it.
Watched Children’s Letters to God in the afternoon at the SRT. It was something different from Homesick on Friday… it had a certain innocent quality about it and yet something wise…the questions and the answers… I liked the songs and the actors are refreshing. Sometimes, perhaps we do need to see things from a different perspective… and a child always seems to see things clearer… with less distortions.
Met up with Dr. Lin for dinner at the Book Café and we had a wonderful chat… We always have so much to talk about and our conversations can range from academia gossip to thoughts of life…
All in all… it was a fulfilling weekend…
Yesterday was Vincent’s last class… quite sad… I’ll miss him so, he’s really the best instructor I’ve had… the one that can really motivate me to do the best I can. It doesn’t help that my other favorite jazz instructor is also leaving… Originally joined my fitness centre hoping that it can replace the jazz classes, but after taking one bodyjam class (supposedly the class that can replace my jazz classes), I’m starting to realize that its not quite the same thing… contemplating to try out O school… although how I’m going to be able to fit it in my current schedule is quite beyond my concept.
But I don’t regret joining my fitness centre despite the exorbitant fees…. The service is great and I still do like the classes, especially Body Balance. And for all that Body Jam lack in technique, it’s still a good workout. And so is Body Combat. And I love the saunas and steam rooms at all the clubs and the fact that I can shower and get my hair dry when I get home. Plus the view over the pool at One George St is absolutely gorgeous.…
All the exercise I’m doing is making me feel much better… somehow its clearing my head and I don’t feel so tired all the time so much… maybe because I don’t think so much when I’m doing the classes so my brain can finally take a break…
Woke up late today thou and decided to skip the morning body jam classes I was planning to take… after 6 days of exercise this week and the 7 hours yesterday, I guess I deserved it.
Watched Children’s Letters to God in the afternoon at the SRT. It was something different from Homesick on Friday… it had a certain innocent quality about it and yet something wise…the questions and the answers… I liked the songs and the actors are refreshing. Sometimes, perhaps we do need to see things from a different perspective… and a child always seems to see things clearer… with less distortions.
Met up with Dr. Lin for dinner at the Book Café and we had a wonderful chat… We always have so much to talk about and our conversations can range from academia gossip to thoughts of life…
All in all… it was a fulfilling weekend…
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Homesick
Just watched Alfian’s Homesick today and I have to say, for the first play in the inaugural Singapore Theatre Festival, it really set a high standard. It started off on a quirky note and somehow managed to keep the light tone through out the two hour play that handled almost all the difficult and often controversial issues that barrages all S’poreans… from stayers and quitters to racial discrimination… making us see and reflect on all the issues in a different light…
When I said I was going to watch Alfian’s new play, a friend said something about watching another gay play… well… she was wrong… If anything, Homesick proved Alfian’s ability to write beyond gay issues. Homesick is the quintessential Singapore play… it is essentially Singapore condensed into two hours. And that is such a rare thing. For a quality Singaporean play about Singapore…
Homesick reminded me of why I go to theatre… not just for entertainment and relaxation from musicals like Cabaret (which was a really good broadway-quality show) or to be moved by touching storylines… but to feel. Homesick did that. It dug deep within and resonates… and I saw little bits of me and the people around me in all its characters… for a first time, I saw Singapore on a stage.
A story about a family of five children and the fact that all five are scattered all over the world…. And the way each of them love and hate their home and their nation...the bitterness they feel towards the country they grew up in… the issues they brought up striking a chord each time…the fact that we are living one man’s dreams… and in that case what happens to our own dreams? The way we are seeking our roots and where should those roots be? In China or in Singapore? Are we first Singaporeans or Chinese? And what do we call our culture? The way that we somehow can never face the fact that someone in our family married someone of another race… and the way no one wants to live in S’pore their whole lives…
Its no secret that I’m not planning on living in S’pore all my life… and the play actually invoked all the feelings I have for this nation… love, belonging, resentment, indifference… and the truth that nothing can change the fact that I grew up here and this is where all my childhood memories are… I was born here and grew up here… I studied and lived in Bukit Timah…I buy groceries from NTUC and used to spend hours in the bookshop at Beauty World… I spend my weekends in Orchard and City Hall and I go to Kwan Im Temple to pray for safety and good results… hope and nostalgia...
This is where my memories are… in this country with all its idiosyncrasies that I cannot stand and in two hours, Aflian somehow managed to sum up all my feelings and when it ended, I felt the pain behind my eyes from tears that won’t fall when something deep within really hurt…
For all the hype on the controversy of the play (esp. the L word that took a hold over the after show q&a) , I see Homesick as a play about a home. About people that after and under everything, is simply seeking a place within their family… a place where they are accepted and loved. Essentially and deep down, that’s what every character in the play wants…. And what we all want. In the Playwright’s Message, Alfian talked about the true meaning of “homesickness”… of how it is possible to feel homesick without leaving your home at all… and our dual feelings about Singapore…
For all that Singapore is… an accidental nation that sometimes cannot even decide how old she is… with its shifting identity and groundless roots… it is still the place we grew up in… the place we know better than any other in the world. And in that, it is irreplaceable.
No matter how we hate it often and love it rarely… and how we resent it like a child resenting its mother… we cannot deny the umbilical cord that connects us and how we can never really cut it.
This play doesn’t really change anything about how I feel… but it does make me think and reflect deeper… and most importantly, it touched something in me…
After all, what is home? It’s not just a nation. It’s not just a house. Yet, do we abandon the nation and the house? What are we really attached to? What are we homesick for?
I’ll really like to recommend this play to every Singaporean… its not a perfect play, there are still some kinks in it (Patrick’s about-turn decision was too abrupt and made the ending a little too pat, some characters are under-utilized and slightly cardboard ), but overall it’s an excellent play. Alfian’s words held a grace and sensitivity as always. For a rare play that is wholly centered on Singapore… it’s amazing. For an ending where almost everyone leaves in the end…it is actually unbelievable truthful… Its something we can be proud of.
When I said I was going to watch Alfian’s new play, a friend said something about watching another gay play… well… she was wrong… If anything, Homesick proved Alfian’s ability to write beyond gay issues. Homesick is the quintessential Singapore play… it is essentially Singapore condensed into two hours. And that is such a rare thing. For a quality Singaporean play about Singapore…
Homesick reminded me of why I go to theatre… not just for entertainment and relaxation from musicals like Cabaret (which was a really good broadway-quality show) or to be moved by touching storylines… but to feel. Homesick did that. It dug deep within and resonates… and I saw little bits of me and the people around me in all its characters… for a first time, I saw Singapore on a stage.
A story about a family of five children and the fact that all five are scattered all over the world…. And the way each of them love and hate their home and their nation...the bitterness they feel towards the country they grew up in… the issues they brought up striking a chord each time…the fact that we are living one man’s dreams… and in that case what happens to our own dreams? The way we are seeking our roots and where should those roots be? In China or in Singapore? Are we first Singaporeans or Chinese? And what do we call our culture? The way that we somehow can never face the fact that someone in our family married someone of another race… and the way no one wants to live in S’pore their whole lives…
Its no secret that I’m not planning on living in S’pore all my life… and the play actually invoked all the feelings I have for this nation… love, belonging, resentment, indifference… and the truth that nothing can change the fact that I grew up here and this is where all my childhood memories are… I was born here and grew up here… I studied and lived in Bukit Timah…I buy groceries from NTUC and used to spend hours in the bookshop at Beauty World… I spend my weekends in Orchard and City Hall and I go to Kwan Im Temple to pray for safety and good results… hope and nostalgia...
This is where my memories are… in this country with all its idiosyncrasies that I cannot stand and in two hours, Aflian somehow managed to sum up all my feelings and when it ended, I felt the pain behind my eyes from tears that won’t fall when something deep within really hurt…
For all the hype on the controversy of the play (esp. the L word that took a hold over the after show q&a) , I see Homesick as a play about a home. About people that after and under everything, is simply seeking a place within their family… a place where they are accepted and loved. Essentially and deep down, that’s what every character in the play wants…. And what we all want. In the Playwright’s Message, Alfian talked about the true meaning of “homesickness”… of how it is possible to feel homesick without leaving your home at all… and our dual feelings about Singapore…
For all that Singapore is… an accidental nation that sometimes cannot even decide how old she is… with its shifting identity and groundless roots… it is still the place we grew up in… the place we know better than any other in the world. And in that, it is irreplaceable.
No matter how we hate it often and love it rarely… and how we resent it like a child resenting its mother… we cannot deny the umbilical cord that connects us and how we can never really cut it.
This play doesn’t really change anything about how I feel… but it does make me think and reflect deeper… and most importantly, it touched something in me…
After all, what is home? It’s not just a nation. It’s not just a house. Yet, do we abandon the nation and the house? What are we really attached to? What are we homesick for?
I’ll really like to recommend this play to every Singaporean… its not a perfect play, there are still some kinks in it (Patrick’s about-turn decision was too abrupt and made the ending a little too pat, some characters are under-utilized and slightly cardboard ), but overall it’s an excellent play. Alfian’s words held a grace and sensitivity as always. For a rare play that is wholly centered on Singapore… it’s amazing. For an ending where almost everyone leaves in the end…it is actually unbelievable truthful… Its something we can be proud of.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
