今天的雪下得很细，绵绵的，触地即溶。
让我想到了生活。生活的本质，是什么？
最近看了一部戏，其中有一句台词。
生命的价值不在于形体，而在我们做了什么。
不禁想起，我的这一生，究竟做了什么。真数下来，好少。
快毕业了，开始在寻思，毕业后的自己，应该做些什么，能够做些什么。
过去的半年，过得很幸福，很甜蜜。
可是感觉，我们的生活，越来越狭隘。
一直以来，觉得两个人，过得开心，满足，这样的生活，这样的爱，就足够了。可是，慢慢的觉得，生活，不应该就如此而已。
我们很幸运，也很幸福。这样的幸福，不应该局限于我们两个而已。
外面的世界很大。我们不应该把自己锁在小小的房间里，尽管，这个房间是多么的温暖，安馨。我们，不该是彼此的枷锁。
但，要迈开的那一步，好困难。
我们都太过安逸于现在简单的生活。
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Monday, February 02, 2009
恶作剧之吻
刚刚看完《恶作剧之吻》。很久，没有因为一部戏，而那么动心了。是因为语言的关系吗？似乎，就只有中文的戏，才能真正触动我的内心。
喜欢这部戏，因为喜欢那看似冷漠的男主角。不是因为他的帅气（其实刚开始觉得他一点都不帅，是看久了才慢慢觉得他好看），也不是因为他所谓的天才（虽然他处理事情的冷静真的很让人折服）。喜欢他，因为喜欢他表达爱的方式。从来都不说出口，但，在细微的每一处，都是满满的爱。
为了喜欢的人的心愿，不选择最好的大学。因为她的一句话，定下了自己一生的目标。谁不愿意自己是心爱的人生活的全部？他却宁愿让她的生活更丰满，一步步引导她成长，让她的生命更圆满。
那一首《你》，真的写出了直树对湘琴的爱。
你就像风在说话 顺着我方向
你就像海中的波浪 堆着我成长
他，用着他的方式，一直一直地保护着他认定的人。也许，天性的冷漠让他无法做得很明显，但，也因为那样，让他所做的一切，更加让人心悸。
尤其喜欢他每次因为湘琴的举动，嘴角那浅浅的笑。那是专属于他的她的宠溺。
一部偶像剧，难免有好多的爱的告白。而我看了那么多戏，读了那么多书，所谓的情爱宣誓也听了许多，看了更多。但，至今让我一听就落泪的，真的很少。下面这句，认真算了，其实不是什么告白，也不是什么宣誓。可是，却是我听过少数最动人的。
我真的很難想像，如果我不在妳要怎麼過。我想…這應該也是我對妳這麼嚴厲的原因吧～不知道這一輩子能陪妳多久，我不在時，妳也一定要勇敢的過下去。
望着自己的另一半，不知道这一辈子，我能陪他多久，也不知道，他能陪我多久。
我没有湘琴那么傻，更没有她的执着。我家那口子，也没有直树的天才。过去的我们更是聚少离多。但，真的很难想象，如果这世上，不再有他，我要怎么过。
我想，我真的，未必，可以勇敢的过下去…
喜欢这部戏，因为喜欢那看似冷漠的男主角。不是因为他的帅气（其实刚开始觉得他一点都不帅，是看久了才慢慢觉得他好看），也不是因为他所谓的天才（虽然他处理事情的冷静真的很让人折服）。喜欢他，因为喜欢他表达爱的方式。从来都不说出口，但，在细微的每一处，都是满满的爱。
为了喜欢的人的心愿，不选择最好的大学。因为她的一句话，定下了自己一生的目标。谁不愿意自己是心爱的人生活的全部？他却宁愿让她的生活更丰满，一步步引导她成长，让她的生命更圆满。
那一首《你》，真的写出了直树对湘琴的爱。
你就像风在说话 顺着我方向
你就像海中的波浪 堆着我成长
他，用着他的方式，一直一直地保护着他认定的人。也许，天性的冷漠让他无法做得很明显，但，也因为那样，让他所做的一切，更加让人心悸。
尤其喜欢他每次因为湘琴的举动，嘴角那浅浅的笑。那是专属于他的她的宠溺。
一部偶像剧，难免有好多的爱的告白。而我看了那么多戏，读了那么多书，所谓的情爱宣誓也听了许多，看了更多。但，至今让我一听就落泪的，真的很少。下面这句，认真算了，其实不是什么告白，也不是什么宣誓。可是，却是我听过少数最动人的。
我真的很難想像，如果我不在妳要怎麼過。我想…這應該也是我對妳這麼嚴厲的原因吧～不知道這一輩子能陪妳多久，我不在時，妳也一定要勇敢的過下去。
望着自己的另一半，不知道这一辈子，我能陪他多久，也不知道，他能陪我多久。
我没有湘琴那么傻，更没有她的执着。我家那口子，也没有直树的天才。过去的我们更是聚少离多。但，真的很难想象，如果这世上，不再有他，我要怎么过。
我想，我真的，未必，可以勇敢的过下去…
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
开心在何时
想念是会呼吸的痛 它活在我身上的每个角落
哼你爱听的歌会痛 看你的信会痛 连沉默都痛
遗憾是会呼吸的痛 它流在血液里来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛 恨不懂你会痛 想见不能见最痛
以前，会很喜欢这首歌。并且会感同身受，听着听着，会想流泪。
现在，还是很喜欢这首歌，听着时，却少了一份感同身受，鼻子，也少了那酸酸的感觉，心，不再纠结。
原来，真的会不同。
今天，林打电话来。讲了半天，很开心。挂上电话时，平问起她怎样啦。我说，开心啊。快做新娘子的人啦，当然开心。我去年这个时候就很开心。
我家那傻蛋就说，做新娘子就开心吗？结婚只是一天的事，有什么重要。
我生气地说，那你是说我们结婚那天不重要咯。
傻蛋回答，不是结婚不重要，是之后的日子重要。我们结婚只是一天。之后的那一段日子，从那一天到现在，生活在一起开心，那比较重要嘛。
…其实，我家那傻蛋，也不是那么傻。
至少，少了那揪心的想念…
不要等以后。
未必明天，就有以后。
所以我确信，我的现在，和我的以后一样幸福。
哼你爱听的歌会痛 看你的信会痛 连沉默都痛
遗憾是会呼吸的痛 它流在血液里来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛 恨不懂你会痛 想见不能见最痛
以前，会很喜欢这首歌。并且会感同身受，听着听着，会想流泪。
现在，还是很喜欢这首歌，听着时，却少了一份感同身受，鼻子，也少了那酸酸的感觉，心，不再纠结。
原来，真的会不同。
今天，林打电话来。讲了半天，很开心。挂上电话时，平问起她怎样啦。我说，开心啊。快做新娘子的人啦，当然开心。我去年这个时候就很开心。
我家那傻蛋就说，做新娘子就开心吗？结婚只是一天的事，有什么重要。
我生气地说，那你是说我们结婚那天不重要咯。
傻蛋回答，不是结婚不重要，是之后的日子重要。我们结婚只是一天。之后的那一段日子，从那一天到现在，生活在一起开心，那比较重要嘛。
…其实，我家那傻蛋，也不是那么傻。
至少，少了那揪心的想念…
不要等以后。
未必明天，就有以后。
所以我确信，我的现在，和我的以后一样幸福。
Monday, December 22, 2008
结婚周年纪念日 - 12月22日
我同我家那口子，性格不合。
真的。
他读理科。我读文科。他学的是电脑语言。我学的是古代汉语。有时，我真的认为我们语言不同，无法沟通。讲起话来是如假包换的鸡同鸭讲。
他中意呆在家里，足不出户。我喜欢旅游，更喜欢和朋友聚在一起。我喜欢在家里播放音乐，尤其圣诞时听圣诞歌曲。他嫌吵闹。而且一点也不明白庆祝圣诞有什么意义。我重视的东西，他一般都认为没意义。他，则没什么真的重视的东西。
平时在家，他工作，我写报告。休闲时，他玩他的电脑游戏。我看我的书，电视。各有所好。小小的一个房子，却井水不犯河水。真的是二人世界，两个人，分得清清楚楚。
原来计划去雪山过节，其实是想逼我们离开这个分割明确的小房子。雪山小屋，没有工作，游戏。两个人的世界，可以融合。
去不成啦。可是，我还是重视节庆的。 我家那口子不会，但，他会迁就我。
12月22日。结婚纪念日。我们出不了门，但还是能过得和平时不一样。
就一天，什么都一起做。
他玩电脑游戏，我在一旁看着，偶尔，也可以下海玩一玩。他输的时候，和他一起研究为什么，给他打打气。
我看港剧时，他尽管觉得无聊，也在一旁陪着。听不明白时，蛮横地按停问我发生什么事。看完整20集后，还学会主角的口头禅，一天念三遍来烦我。
结婚一年了。好快。
生活很简单。平时各忙各的，可生活还是紧密地联系在一起。纠结在生活的小细节上。煮饭，打扫。开车时谁记得路。身体不适时该买什么药。
冬至，煮几粒汤圆。热腾腾的。咬下去，滑溜溜黏黏软软甜甜。
不是每天都如此，但，很多时候都如此。
真的。
他读理科。我读文科。他学的是电脑语言。我学的是古代汉语。有时，我真的认为我们语言不同，无法沟通。讲起话来是如假包换的鸡同鸭讲。
他中意呆在家里，足不出户。我喜欢旅游，更喜欢和朋友聚在一起。我喜欢在家里播放音乐，尤其圣诞时听圣诞歌曲。他嫌吵闹。而且一点也不明白庆祝圣诞有什么意义。我重视的东西，他一般都认为没意义。他，则没什么真的重视的东西。
平时在家，他工作，我写报告。休闲时，他玩他的电脑游戏。我看我的书，电视。各有所好。小小的一个房子，却井水不犯河水。真的是二人世界，两个人，分得清清楚楚。
原来计划去雪山过节，其实是想逼我们离开这个分割明确的小房子。雪山小屋，没有工作，游戏。两个人的世界，可以融合。
去不成啦。可是，我还是重视节庆的。 我家那口子不会，但，他会迁就我。
12月22日。结婚纪念日。我们出不了门，但还是能过得和平时不一样。
就一天，什么都一起做。
他玩电脑游戏，我在一旁看着，偶尔，也可以下海玩一玩。他输的时候，和他一起研究为什么，给他打打气。
我看港剧时，他尽管觉得无聊，也在一旁陪着。听不明白时，蛮横地按停问我发生什么事。看完整20集后，还学会主角的口头禅，一天念三遍来烦我。
结婚一年了。好快。
生活很简单。平时各忙各的，可生活还是紧密地联系在一起。纠结在生活的小细节上。煮饭，打扫。开车时谁记得路。身体不适时该买什么药。
冬至，煮几粒汤圆。热腾腾的。咬下去，滑溜溜黏黏软软甜甜。
不是每天都如此，但，很多时候都如此。
1st Wedding Anniversary - Winter Solstice
Yesterday was the first day of my wedding anniversary, and one of the crappiest days of my life.
We booked a chalet for the week months ago… to get out of the city. It’s at the Laurentian Mountains, up in Canada. It’s next to the lake, and comes with its own kitchen and a fireplace. It has no wireless internet and probably no phone reception. There promises to be snow and a week of time where we can concentrate on each other and nothing else.
I was underwater for the past couple of weeks writing about Yuan dramas and theatrical languages and debating the truthfulness in sixth generation films and soul separation stories before that. So, I had no idea about any snowstorm anywhere. Excepting that a friend telling me it’s snowing heavily in Boston and another friend that I met a day before telling me there’s a snowstorm up north, but she said I should miss it. I did check the weather forecast in Montreal a day before and there’s prediction of snow in the afternoon, but nothing about a snowstorm.
It started when we reach the airport at 930am. It should be too early because our flight is at 1120. But somehow, the self-check in refuses to work for us and we had to queue up at a queue for problematic people, a long queue with a long range of counters and only two people managing it. The queue took about an hour and by the time we got our boarding passes, it’s already 1050, the boarding time printed on the pass.
We made a run for it, rushing through security and literally running our gates, only to realize that the plane was delayed to 12 noon anyway. So, we relaxed and I took out my book. Then they announced that our plane didn’t have a crew, and they have to delay until they find a crew. And they found the crew and so we just have to wait until the crew checked the plane. And then they announced that our plane don’t have a pilot, and we could either wait until the pilot (which is scheduled to arrive at the airport at 2pm from Manchester), or we could hope that someone approves a switch of pilot. And then they announced the happy news that the pilot switch is approved and we could board.
And we finally boarded. And P fell asleep. I’m already half-way through the book but I figured I’m safe because the flight is only an hour and a half. But then they announced that the weather conditions in Montreal is bad and they have to delay the flight and we have to deplane. I woke P up (and he thought I woke him up because we arrived!) By now, it’s 1pm. And we should have touched down in Montreal already.
There were repeated announcements, saying that the flight is delayed and not cancelled. So we waited. At 2pm, they finally announced that the flight is cancelled. And we started queuing to check if we were rebooked. And this is the really horrible part. The queue was horribly long and at about 330pm, our gate counter said that they have to start boarding the second plane, and we could either wait until she’s done boarding and she’ll deal with us, or we could queue at the customer service line, a line snaking so long you literally cannot see the end. To cut the long story short, the gate counter service lady lied, she boarded the 4pm flight and then disappeared and never came back. We finally got to the head of the customer service line after an hour and half of queuing, only to be told that we were rebooked for 7am the next morning, and we can’t possibly get a flight out tonight. And they weren’t sure about the weather conditions tomorrow and if the plane would take off. And no, they don’t know anything about refunds and we aren’t getting hotel vouchers to stay for the night. Not knowing all our options, we couldn’t make a decision.
So we began calling expedia, another an hour and a half waiting on the phone as a girl with a kind voice made apologies as she tried to check our options. The conclusion is that we can get our money back. And at this point, we really didn’t want to spend the night of our first wedding anniversary in the airport, neither do we want to spend tomorrow in the airport if the flight gets cancelled again. And this may sound weird, but I kept having this little feeling in me that we aren’t meant to go on this trip… and all these are signs. The repeated delaying, the cancelling, the fact that we can’t get on a flight tonight etc etc. We aren’t supposed to go.
So at approximately 7pm, we decided to cut our losses and take the refund and go home. Only, we can’t find our luggage. So we spent another hour asking odd people (coz we didn’t want to queue another hour and half at the customer service line to ask) and finally found a counter responsible, only to be told that we can’t get our luggage today.
And thus everything resulted in as arriving at our apartment at 9pm, exactly 12 hours after we left it. Tired and feeling crappy and without our luggage.
So not the way I wanted to spent the first day of our wedding anniversary.
But, there were moments in the waiting when I would look over at the guy sitting next to me. The guy who is complaining and blaming me and saying irritating stuff like, “We are never going on a trip ever again” that really doesn’t help. And the same guy who is queuing by me, and asking me if I’m hungry and doing everything he can to make me a little more comfortable and trying to make little jokes to cheer me up.
The guy who would never leave me, whether I fly to Montreal tonight or go home.
Through weal and woe. Perhaps this is a proof of what we are supposed to go through and this first day of our wedding anniversary is woe.
If so, the second day darn right better with weal. And now I have to go drag my husband away from the computer (the first and foremost reason why I booked a chalet with no internet access in the first place!) to remind him that today isn’t a day for computer games.
We booked a chalet for the week months ago… to get out of the city. It’s at the Laurentian Mountains, up in Canada. It’s next to the lake, and comes with its own kitchen and a fireplace. It has no wireless internet and probably no phone reception. There promises to be snow and a week of time where we can concentrate on each other and nothing else.
I was underwater for the past couple of weeks writing about Yuan dramas and theatrical languages and debating the truthfulness in sixth generation films and soul separation stories before that. So, I had no idea about any snowstorm anywhere. Excepting that a friend telling me it’s snowing heavily in Boston and another friend that I met a day before telling me there’s a snowstorm up north, but she said I should miss it. I did check the weather forecast in Montreal a day before and there’s prediction of snow in the afternoon, but nothing about a snowstorm.
It started when we reach the airport at 930am. It should be too early because our flight is at 1120. But somehow, the self-check in refuses to work for us and we had to queue up at a queue for problematic people, a long queue with a long range of counters and only two people managing it. The queue took about an hour and by the time we got our boarding passes, it’s already 1050, the boarding time printed on the pass.
We made a run for it, rushing through security and literally running our gates, only to realize that the plane was delayed to 12 noon anyway. So, we relaxed and I took out my book. Then they announced that our plane didn’t have a crew, and they have to delay until they find a crew. And they found the crew and so we just have to wait until the crew checked the plane. And then they announced that our plane don’t have a pilot, and we could either wait until the pilot (which is scheduled to arrive at the airport at 2pm from Manchester), or we could hope that someone approves a switch of pilot. And then they announced the happy news that the pilot switch is approved and we could board.
And we finally boarded. And P fell asleep. I’m already half-way through the book but I figured I’m safe because the flight is only an hour and a half. But then they announced that the weather conditions in Montreal is bad and they have to delay the flight and we have to deplane. I woke P up (and he thought I woke him up because we arrived!) By now, it’s 1pm. And we should have touched down in Montreal already.
There were repeated announcements, saying that the flight is delayed and not cancelled. So we waited. At 2pm, they finally announced that the flight is cancelled. And we started queuing to check if we were rebooked. And this is the really horrible part. The queue was horribly long and at about 330pm, our gate counter said that they have to start boarding the second plane, and we could either wait until she’s done boarding and she’ll deal with us, or we could queue at the customer service line, a line snaking so long you literally cannot see the end. To cut the long story short, the gate counter service lady lied, she boarded the 4pm flight and then disappeared and never came back. We finally got to the head of the customer service line after an hour and half of queuing, only to be told that we were rebooked for 7am the next morning, and we can’t possibly get a flight out tonight. And they weren’t sure about the weather conditions tomorrow and if the plane would take off. And no, they don’t know anything about refunds and we aren’t getting hotel vouchers to stay for the night. Not knowing all our options, we couldn’t make a decision.
So we began calling expedia, another an hour and a half waiting on the phone as a girl with a kind voice made apologies as she tried to check our options. The conclusion is that we can get our money back. And at this point, we really didn’t want to spend the night of our first wedding anniversary in the airport, neither do we want to spend tomorrow in the airport if the flight gets cancelled again. And this may sound weird, but I kept having this little feeling in me that we aren’t meant to go on this trip… and all these are signs. The repeated delaying, the cancelling, the fact that we can’t get on a flight tonight etc etc. We aren’t supposed to go.
So at approximately 7pm, we decided to cut our losses and take the refund and go home. Only, we can’t find our luggage. So we spent another hour asking odd people (coz we didn’t want to queue another hour and half at the customer service line to ask) and finally found a counter responsible, only to be told that we can’t get our luggage today.
And thus everything resulted in as arriving at our apartment at 9pm, exactly 12 hours after we left it. Tired and feeling crappy and without our luggage.
So not the way I wanted to spent the first day of our wedding anniversary.
But, there were moments in the waiting when I would look over at the guy sitting next to me. The guy who is complaining and blaming me and saying irritating stuff like, “We are never going on a trip ever again” that really doesn’t help. And the same guy who is queuing by me, and asking me if I’m hungry and doing everything he can to make me a little more comfortable and trying to make little jokes to cheer me up.
The guy who would never leave me, whether I fly to Montreal tonight or go home.
Through weal and woe. Perhaps this is a proof of what we are supposed to go through and this first day of our wedding anniversary is woe.
If so, the second day darn right better with weal. And now I have to go drag my husband away from the computer (the first and foremost reason why I booked a chalet with no internet access in the first place!) to remind him that today isn’t a day for computer games.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
笨小孩
感恩节时，趁着节庆，同几个朋友去唱K。三个男生和三个女生。三个男生个个都很会唱，尤其香港来的师兄，唱李克勤张学友刘德华，音准浑厚，身边的蕾开始还问是不是忘记关掉原声了。三个男生合唱《笨小孩》，默契十足，好好玩。好过我们几个女生试图以SHE的歌对比，歌曲不熟，失败。
《笨小孩》。
最近写着作业，越写越觉得自己是笨小孩。很多东西自己越看，不明白的就越多。挫折感很重。本来就不是很聪明吧。又加上不是很用工。凭着兴趣和一点点热情来读，有时候，真的觉得不够。
往着胸口拍一拍，勇敢站起来。老天自有安排。
是吗？可自己一直都宁愿相信生命自己安排。有时我怀疑自己有过多的自我控制欲。
今天和一个教授吃饭，说着话时，说到读不读博的问题。他对我说了一句。可问题是，你知不知道自己未来究竟想做什么？
这不是第一个问我这个问题的人了。可我到现在，还不知道问题的答案。
其实，不知道，或者说，不需要现在知道，其实是一种luxury，不是吗？不需要现在选择，也就不需要现在知道。反正，我有不现在选择，明年悠闲一年，慢慢写硕士论文的本钱。可就是有那种无头绪的烦躁。
最近在gmail养了一只小狐狸，每天过得清淡自在，早上栽花栽树打扫喂鸭，晚上喝汤点灯翻书写字。看着看着，很羡慕。跟平说，好想活得和它一样，简单，平淡。
可，偏偏知道，自己还没到那个能如此而知足的年龄。
《笨小孩》。
最近写着作业，越写越觉得自己是笨小孩。很多东西自己越看，不明白的就越多。挫折感很重。本来就不是很聪明吧。又加上不是很用工。凭着兴趣和一点点热情来读，有时候，真的觉得不够。
往着胸口拍一拍，勇敢站起来。老天自有安排。
是吗？可自己一直都宁愿相信生命自己安排。有时我怀疑自己有过多的自我控制欲。
今天和一个教授吃饭，说着话时，说到读不读博的问题。他对我说了一句。可问题是，你知不知道自己未来究竟想做什么？
这不是第一个问我这个问题的人了。可我到现在，还不知道问题的答案。
其实，不知道，或者说，不需要现在知道，其实是一种luxury，不是吗？不需要现在选择，也就不需要现在知道。反正，我有不现在选择，明年悠闲一年，慢慢写硕士论文的本钱。可就是有那种无头绪的烦躁。
最近在gmail养了一只小狐狸，每天过得清淡自在，早上栽花栽树打扫喂鸭，晚上喝汤点灯翻书写字。看着看着，很羡慕。跟平说，好想活得和它一样，简单，平淡。
可，偏偏知道，自己还没到那个能如此而知足的年龄。
Saturday, November 22, 2008
秋末随笔
下雪了。
点点飞雪而已，比较象碎冰。
不是第一次看到下雪。但，还是有点点喜悦。
----------------
Juggling between four different paper topics and life. Reality sometimes gets blurred…
Had dinner with some classmates recently. And a third-year phd peppered the conversation with warnings against getting sucked into the phd route, citing the high divorce rates, low pay and also the reality that it takes at least 6 to 7 years before one is likely graduate. That is a darn long time.
----------------
不知是不是因为冬天将近。心情最近都有些闷闷。也许因为老闷在家里吧。
但，最近平都很疼惜我。有时，看着他，会觉得，我其实什么都有了。有个家，家里有个人，不管怎样都会照顾我，对我好。这就是实在的。其他的，都是虚的。不是吗？
人，也就如此，没有什么理由可以不开心了。
--------------
just received the news of the south street bridge closure that is going to wreck serious traffic damage for 24 months. Ugh. And we will be residing here for 8 of those months.
South street bridge is a main artery linking university city and center city. And it means we have to take a longer route to the asian market plus that there’s going to be serious jams along walnut and chestnut, the two streets bookending us.
And somehow, the bridge closure and its effects highlights the reality of life that sometimes seems just like a dream….
点点飞雪而已，比较象碎冰。
不是第一次看到下雪。但，还是有点点喜悦。
----------------
Juggling between four different paper topics and life. Reality sometimes gets blurred…
Had dinner with some classmates recently. And a third-year phd peppered the conversation with warnings against getting sucked into the phd route, citing the high divorce rates, low pay and also the reality that it takes at least 6 to 7 years before one is likely graduate. That is a darn long time.
----------------
不知是不是因为冬天将近。心情最近都有些闷闷。也许因为老闷在家里吧。
但，最近平都很疼惜我。有时，看着他，会觉得，我其实什么都有了。有个家，家里有个人，不管怎样都会照顾我，对我好。这就是实在的。其他的，都是虚的。不是吗？
人，也就如此，没有什么理由可以不开心了。
--------------
just received the news of the south street bridge closure that is going to wreck serious traffic damage for 24 months. Ugh. And we will be residing here for 8 of those months.
South street bridge is a main artery linking university city and center city. And it means we have to take a longer route to the asian market plus that there’s going to be serious jams along walnut and chestnut, the two streets bookending us.
And somehow, the bridge closure and its effects highlights the reality of life that sometimes seems just like a dream….
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
原乡人
昨夜，因为google很伟大地添加了video chat这个功能，终于能够在网上和老爸面对面聊天。看得出爸爸很开心。因为他频频说我漂亮了。会真心说我漂亮的，除了平，就只有我老爸吧。
最近，碰到许多触我心根的事物。
广东课上，老师播放了《忘不了》这部港片。是一部不一样的爱情片，拍得蛮细致，催人泪下。班上几个女生都看得哭了。我也泪眼婆娑，但真正让我流泪不止的，是最后张柏芝同她父亲的那一幕。父亲对着小孩子说给站在一旁的长大的女儿听：“我不管你做什么，只想你做之前跟我说一声。我只要知道就好。”争执了一辈子的父女，就这一个简单的心结，终于解开了。
我呀，其实是个不孝至极的女儿。
单看我学什么方言就知。福建话客家话不学，偏偏学和我没关联的广东话。
最近在电影课和文学课上，也都碰到许多系根的词语，人物。
电影课就碰到侯孝贤，杨德昌，两个广东梅县的客家人。
文学课则是吴浊流，钟理和，也是客家人。
读的时候，感觉奇妙。他们用的客家语，感觉那么陌生。却是自己父亲的语言。
是客家人写的呢。而且，是和自己祖先来自的同一个城镇的客家人。
也许，几千年前。我们的血缘，来自同一个人。长得什么样子，有着什么性情？
我们又是否有着相似的 一些什么呢？
人，为什么总有些不由自主地想寻根呢？知道自己来自何处又如何？
真的，为什么一定要知道？
叶落归根，化作春泥。
但若根植繁复如丝如网蔓延，飘零的枯叶又该落归何处植根？
原乡人。何处是原乡？
是祖国吗？祖国又是那？生长之处吗？新加坡？还是祖籍之处？中国？中国那么大，归至北京算不算？还是终归还是得回广东？但客家人，又并非源自广东。
有朋友曾给平和我算过紫微，说我们两个，命定漂泊。看看我们未来的几年的打算，也的确如此。
我们的根，是我们的家。偏偏我们老是搬家。
有时，也不知道这样的生活值不值得。居无定所。有时想买个漂亮一点的家具，或多几个锅铲，都会想一年后搬家麻烦而作罢。
昨天在上中国画课时，老师讲到了明代吴门画派的代表人物沈周。一生八十二年足不出苏州市方圆百步之外。从未应举，朋友相见，都是朋友来访。绘画无数，飘然一生。
像个乡巴佬。活在自己的小世界。不好吗？自足，写意。更重要的是，如意。
偏生我就是做不到。
我相信，不管最后结果如何，试过就无悔。
就家这个概念，模糊了点。
原乡人呀。
最近，碰到许多触我心根的事物。
广东课上，老师播放了《忘不了》这部港片。是一部不一样的爱情片，拍得蛮细致，催人泪下。班上几个女生都看得哭了。我也泪眼婆娑，但真正让我流泪不止的，是最后张柏芝同她父亲的那一幕。父亲对着小孩子说给站在一旁的长大的女儿听：“我不管你做什么，只想你做之前跟我说一声。我只要知道就好。”争执了一辈子的父女，就这一个简单的心结，终于解开了。
我呀，其实是个不孝至极的女儿。
单看我学什么方言就知。福建话客家话不学，偏偏学和我没关联的广东话。
最近在电影课和文学课上，也都碰到许多系根的词语，人物。
电影课就碰到侯孝贤，杨德昌，两个广东梅县的客家人。
文学课则是吴浊流，钟理和，也是客家人。
读的时候，感觉奇妙。他们用的客家语，感觉那么陌生。却是自己父亲的语言。
是客家人写的呢。而且，是和自己祖先来自的同一个城镇的客家人。
也许，几千年前。我们的血缘，来自同一个人。长得什么样子，有着什么性情？
我们又是否有着相似的 一些什么呢？
人，为什么总有些不由自主地想寻根呢？知道自己来自何处又如何？
真的，为什么一定要知道？
叶落归根，化作春泥。
但若根植繁复如丝如网蔓延，飘零的枯叶又该落归何处植根？
原乡人。何处是原乡？
是祖国吗？祖国又是那？生长之处吗？新加坡？还是祖籍之处？中国？中国那么大，归至北京算不算？还是终归还是得回广东？但客家人，又并非源自广东。
有朋友曾给平和我算过紫微，说我们两个，命定漂泊。看看我们未来的几年的打算，也的确如此。
我们的根，是我们的家。偏偏我们老是搬家。
有时，也不知道这样的生活值不值得。居无定所。有时想买个漂亮一点的家具，或多几个锅铲，都会想一年后搬家麻烦而作罢。
昨天在上中国画课时，老师讲到了明代吴门画派的代表人物沈周。一生八十二年足不出苏州市方圆百步之外。从未应举，朋友相见，都是朋友来访。绘画无数，飘然一生。
像个乡巴佬。活在自己的小世界。不好吗？自足，写意。更重要的是，如意。
偏生我就是做不到。
我相信，不管最后结果如何，试过就无悔。
就家这个概念，模糊了点。
原乡人呀。
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
十一月半
快十二月了。以前最中意十一月。今年却因为整日都埋首写作业，十一月都过了近一半也没发觉。
学期末的来临，总是带着压力。交Finals的压力。就是这个时候，平就会很幸灾乐祸地说，早跟你说别读了。花钱找罪受不就如此。
有时，还真的会想想，值得与不值得。
昨天赶功课，几个同学整个周日都窝在图书馆。不年轻的人，花样年华就如此消磨在四面都堆积书尘的房间，研究着两个汉代人讨论天气。阴阳雨雹讲个半天。
到底在干嘛啦。
但，偏偏。还是觉得值得。
不知所谓又如何。有些事，有些人，就是甘愿。
学期末的来临，总是带着压力。交Finals的压力。就是这个时候，平就会很幸灾乐祸地说，早跟你说别读了。花钱找罪受不就如此。
有时，还真的会想想，值得与不值得。
昨天赶功课，几个同学整个周日都窝在图书馆。不年轻的人，花样年华就如此消磨在四面都堆积书尘的房间，研究着两个汉代人讨论天气。阴阳雨雹讲个半天。
到底在干嘛啦。
但，偏偏。还是觉得值得。
不知所谓又如何。有些事，有些人，就是甘愿。
Sunday, November 09, 2008
一一道来
花了近四个小时，看了电影《一一》。
淡淡的一部戏。拍得很细，很用心，很长。一百七十三分钟。边看边做笔记，不知不觉，已过了一个下午，仿佛是一个人生。
不是第一次看这部电影，但记得不多。因为是好几年前。也因为，电影本身，太过内敛，无波无浪。看了，就如暖水洗身，水过无痕。就记得，一个小男生，爱拍人的后脑勺。一个女生，为着忘记丢垃圾而内疚着。
电影好静，又很琐碎。人物很多，都勾勒得很细。 每一个都特别，也就都不特别。每一个，都是一个个体。导演说，所谓《一一》，就是一个又一个的个体。人人都有自己的故事。但都是一点点。这儿一点点，那儿一点点，慢慢地，一点一点编织成一部电影。
每一个人，都是一个孤岛。这句话，听过。但在《一一》中，却那么明确地强调。同是一家人，你是如此的亲近，也如此的陌生。我不知道你心里在想什么。你也不知道我看重的是什么。同一屋檐下，却是陌路人。
戏如人生。这一句话，从没这么真实过。朋友比我先看，投诉说是这学期最难看，最闷的戏。因为，人生，本就如此，平凡沉闷。尤其是他人的人生，看起来，那么地普通，乏味。小男生被欺负。女生第一次恋爱。中年男人挫折。女人的困惑。以红事启始，白事结束。人生本如此。空白，琐碎，丑陋。所有压抑在心里的秘密，是那么的无可谓。却又那么残酷地一层层地剥夺人可贵的纯真。以致一个才八岁的小男生，在望着一个刚出生的小婴儿，会感概地叹老。
你看不到，所以我拍给你看。我们看不到的又何止如此。而看到了，又如何呢？就会明白吗？不明白又如何？ 明白了又如何？再活一次吗？没那个必要。人生，一次也太累。
也许，又会很快地忘记这部电影。但年龄会让人记住不一样的东西。在观戏时，心中，有些不知什么，却在慢慢沉淀。也许，因为，我老了。
淡淡的一部戏。拍得很细，很用心，很长。一百七十三分钟。边看边做笔记，不知不觉，已过了一个下午，仿佛是一个人生。
不是第一次看这部电影，但记得不多。因为是好几年前。也因为，电影本身，太过内敛，无波无浪。看了，就如暖水洗身，水过无痕。就记得，一个小男生，爱拍人的后脑勺。一个女生，为着忘记丢垃圾而内疚着。
电影好静，又很琐碎。人物很多，都勾勒得很细。 每一个都特别，也就都不特别。每一个，都是一个个体。导演说，所谓《一一》，就是一个又一个的个体。人人都有自己的故事。但都是一点点。这儿一点点，那儿一点点，慢慢地，一点一点编织成一部电影。
每一个人，都是一个孤岛。这句话，听过。但在《一一》中，却那么明确地强调。同是一家人，你是如此的亲近，也如此的陌生。我不知道你心里在想什么。你也不知道我看重的是什么。同一屋檐下，却是陌路人。
戏如人生。这一句话，从没这么真实过。朋友比我先看，投诉说是这学期最难看，最闷的戏。因为，人生，本就如此，平凡沉闷。尤其是他人的人生，看起来，那么地普通，乏味。小男生被欺负。女生第一次恋爱。中年男人挫折。女人的困惑。以红事启始，白事结束。人生本如此。空白，琐碎，丑陋。所有压抑在心里的秘密，是那么的无可谓。却又那么残酷地一层层地剥夺人可贵的纯真。以致一个才八岁的小男生，在望着一个刚出生的小婴儿，会感概地叹老。
你看不到，所以我拍给你看。我们看不到的又何止如此。而看到了，又如何呢？就会明白吗？不明白又如何？ 明白了又如何？再活一次吗？没那个必要。人生，一次也太累。
也许，又会很快地忘记这部电影。但年龄会让人记住不一样的东西。在观戏时，心中，有些不知什么，却在慢慢沉淀。也许，因为，我老了。
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
evidence
When I am overworked and stressed and facing deadlines wherever I look, I tend to do silly things. Like spend time on facebook (in normal times, I never go to facebook except to approve friends. Now, I check it 10 times a day). Like take photos of my incredibly messy table (which has an order! Just not to anyone’s eyes but mine). Which explains why I have photos back in my uni days of stacks of notes on the bed. It appears that I do not change, although I do age.
And so, here, to entertain friends. And to remind people that although I might take awhile to answer emails, and also occasionally miss your calls because I keep forgetting to turn it on after class, I am still alive. Here be evidence of my existence. I.e., photos of my home.
This is my table. And the magnificent contraption that P rigged so I get two screens. Which is amazingly useful in essay writing as I can have my draft right next to me.
And this is my bookshelf. And yes, I know it’s gotten a lot messier since the last photo.
And to show I’m not the only untidy person, this is P’s table! Recently, he’s been on a computer-building mission that requires the taking apart of a lot of computers. As you can see, he has run out of space to the extent that he’s working on the floor. Heehee. At least I’m not reduced to that. Yet. And yes, I do have stuff on the floor too. But I’m not taking photos of that.
And this, is the last home project that I undertook, in the too far away past when I still had the time for home projects. It’s a photoframe-board, that holds eight photos and we write our daily schedule on it. It’s one of my favorite things in the house ☺
And now… a return to the essay that is due in two days. Sometimes… I wanna ask myself, why am I not asking myself why?
And so, here, to entertain friends. And to remind people that although I might take awhile to answer emails, and also occasionally miss your calls because I keep forgetting to turn it on after class, I am still alive. Here be evidence of my existence. I.e., photos of my home.
This is my table. And the magnificent contraption that P rigged so I get two screens. Which is amazingly useful in essay writing as I can have my draft right next to me.
And this is my bookshelf. And yes, I know it’s gotten a lot messier since the last photo.
And to show I’m not the only untidy person, this is P’s table! Recently, he’s been on a computer-building mission that requires the taking apart of a lot of computers. As you can see, he has run out of space to the extent that he’s working on the floor. Heehee. At least I’m not reduced to that. Yet. And yes, I do have stuff on the floor too. But I’m not taking photos of that.
And this, is the last home project that I undertook, in the too far away past when I still had the time for home projects. It’s a photoframe-board, that holds eight photos and we write our daily schedule on it. It’s one of my favorite things in the house ☺
And now… a return to the essay that is due in two days. Sometimes… I wanna ask myself, why am I not asking myself why?
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Indian Summer
We had a run of gloriously bright sun-drenched days the past week. Indian summer, a beautiful time in fall. The air loses the cold bite and the gold leaves dazzles in the sunlight.
Forecast says it’ll end by tomorrow with a rainstorm. And it’s back to reality after the short sunny holiday, how I wish we have a longer break! I just want to take one week and do nothing but read, the library books I borrowed have been collecting dust after its second renewal.
I have such a love-hate relationship with my work, similar to my attitude towards fall. I love fall, the cold, brisk air, so refreshing. And I love wrapping myself up in scarves and warm jackets. But I also enjoy the easiness of the past week, being able to run out the door in just short sleeves and sandals when I’m late for class, with no need for any additional fuss.
I love my work, I really do. I love the readings and the adrenaline when I’m doing the brainwork and I love the satisfaction when I complete the assignments. I love the lectures that set me thinking. And I love the research that make me all dusty mentally and physically. But I also love being able to just immerse myself in my CSI episodes and trashy books and have more time to cook the dishes that take such a long time to prepare!
Just finished my weekly response for the E&D module, and still have tons more of work to do. The weekly response took longer than it used to coz I’m still in such a lethargic holiday mood. Have a humanities forum seminar I want to attend at the Penn Museum in the evening, than will be helping a friend move house. I want to cook dinner, but I don’t know if I’ll have time to, have to finish watching this week’s film, King of the Children, tonight as well before the seminar class tomorrow. P borrowed a dvd from netflix that I'm interested in too...
I miss the Indian summer before it’s even over…
Forecast says it’ll end by tomorrow with a rainstorm. And it’s back to reality after the short sunny holiday, how I wish we have a longer break! I just want to take one week and do nothing but read, the library books I borrowed have been collecting dust after its second renewal.
I have such a love-hate relationship with my work, similar to my attitude towards fall. I love fall, the cold, brisk air, so refreshing. And I love wrapping myself up in scarves and warm jackets. But I also enjoy the easiness of the past week, being able to run out the door in just short sleeves and sandals when I’m late for class, with no need for any additional fuss.
I love my work, I really do. I love the readings and the adrenaline when I’m doing the brainwork and I love the satisfaction when I complete the assignments. I love the lectures that set me thinking. And I love the research that make me all dusty mentally and physically. But I also love being able to just immerse myself in my CSI episodes and trashy books and have more time to cook the dishes that take such a long time to prepare!
Just finished my weekly response for the E&D module, and still have tons more of work to do. The weekly response took longer than it used to coz I’m still in such a lethargic holiday mood. Have a humanities forum seminar I want to attend at the Penn Museum in the evening, than will be helping a friend move house. I want to cook dinner, but I don’t know if I’ll have time to, have to finish watching this week’s film, King of the Children, tonight as well before the seminar class tomorrow. P borrowed a dvd from netflix that I'm interested in too...
I miss the Indian summer before it’s even over…
Saturday, October 04, 2008
紅高粱
今天看《紅高粱》。
不知多久多小以前看過，忘了。也忘了看過幾次。這種經典片子，八頻道總重播。但這片子小時候覺得悶的，重播也未必看，最多當作背景音樂。
今天因為課業看。光碟質地有夠差。這堂課每周都得看一部片，上幾周的片子還是好舊的片，二十年代五十年代的都有。這一部比起來也不算多舊，原片竟然還是個錄像帶，光碟是從錄像帶抄過來的。看得我頭疼欲裂。
依稀記得這片子。重看前，就記得壓高粱的那一幕。重看時，剝皮的那一幕感覺最熟悉。但，觀畢時，縈繞在腦海的，卻是閉幕時那鮮紅的螢幕，和那小孩子為娘指路的聲音，稚嫩而嘹亮。
娘，娘，上西南！寬寬的長路，長長的寶船。娘，娘，上西南！騮騮的駿馬，足足的盤纏。娘，娘，上西南。你甜處安身，你苦處化纏。
不為什麼，就是記著。一個小孩，為娘親指路。
最近忙，少上來了。忙的，都是自己喜歡的東西，少了埋怨，少了時間，也就少了寫作的動力。
但，接觸的東西，卻大都帶點傷感。熟背墓葬畫時想當時安葬的傷。翻大開本的字典時感到莫名的寂寥。看文革前後的文學和電影時有些感同身受的無奈。就如《紅高粱》吧， 偶爾，還是會有些惆悵。
好久沒聽聞許多人的近況了。還好嗎？
欠了一些人的電郵沒回，很抱歉。但還是很希望聽到你們的訊息，心總是掛念著的
不知多久多小以前看過，忘了。也忘了看過幾次。這種經典片子，八頻道總重播。但這片子小時候覺得悶的，重播也未必看，最多當作背景音樂。
今天因為課業看。光碟質地有夠差。這堂課每周都得看一部片，上幾周的片子還是好舊的片，二十年代五十年代的都有。這一部比起來也不算多舊，原片竟然還是個錄像帶，光碟是從錄像帶抄過來的。看得我頭疼欲裂。
依稀記得這片子。重看前，就記得壓高粱的那一幕。重看時，剝皮的那一幕感覺最熟悉。但，觀畢時，縈繞在腦海的，卻是閉幕時那鮮紅的螢幕，和那小孩子為娘指路的聲音，稚嫩而嘹亮。
娘，娘，上西南！寬寬的長路，長長的寶船。娘，娘，上西南！騮騮的駿馬，足足的盤纏。娘，娘，上西南。你甜處安身，你苦處化纏。
不為什麼，就是記著。一個小孩，為娘親指路。
最近忙，少上來了。忙的，都是自己喜歡的東西，少了埋怨，少了時間，也就少了寫作的動力。
但，接觸的東西，卻大都帶點傷感。熟背墓葬畫時想當時安葬的傷。翻大開本的字典時感到莫名的寂寥。看文革前後的文學和電影時有些感同身受的無奈。就如《紅高粱》吧， 偶爾，還是會有些惆悵。
好久沒聽聞許多人的近況了。還好嗎？
欠了一些人的電郵沒回，很抱歉。但還是很希望聽到你們的訊息，心總是掛念著的
Monday, September 08, 2008
Philadelphia Life+phillyfringe
School’s finally started and the heavy courseload I took up is starting to weigh in on life…
P says it’s my own fault for taking up too many activities. “Isn’t it enough that you juggled your life for 3 years?” He asks.
*shrugs*
Perhaps it’s just me? Taking on 6 courses (with a language one that drives me nuts with the 2 hour classes in the evenings of 4 module days), extra-curricular activities, trice-weekly gym workouts, additional translation work and cooking everyday and plays in the weekends… I need to cut back but I don’t know how to live life any less… and I don’t know if I want to. I want everything, but I also want to do nothing. In fact, I dreamt of doing nothing for the past year, only to come here and take up everything again.
What’s wrong with doing nothing? Cut out all the additional stuff… just concentrating on my 6 courses and P. Perhaps that’s what I need to learn to do…
Especially when P’s been a dear this last couple of weekends, following me around town for the Philly fringe shows which he honestly doesn’t enjoy. And he can’t even fall asleep coz I always want to sit in the front row.
Caught a whole lot of plays these last couple of weekends. It’s the annual Live Arts and Philly fringe festival, which kinda reminds me of the M1 fringe fest, just way larger in scale. I picked 11 priced shows and 4 free events that I wanted to go for, and that’s like about 10 percent of the shows!
The plays are mostly low-cost productions, in small, intimate theatre spaces, some way off the beaten path (or as P would say, very ulu!). The turn out is always kinda spotty, and the plays we went to are not all good (there’s even one that is really only a reading which wasn’t stated in the show description; I felt kinda cheated and P fell asleep), but there’s gems mixed in the rocks.
“9/11 – A Day in the Life of a People” was poignantly done. The characters were extremely real. And the 7-years after part, although not factual, was very believable and painful, the price we continue to pay years after the event itself.
“Beauty is”, on the harm and effects of crystal meth, was exquisitely done. The choreography hauntingly beautiful, the acting so sharp it positively sliced through the air.
“The Widow’s Blind Date” was yesterday, and it rained torrents due to the tropical storm Hanna which brought winds over 30mph. Horrible, horrible day. Normally I don’t mind wind and rain, but not on a day that I was already stressed about. I had tons of readings and a 2 hour film that took me 3 hours to watch complete with note-taking. Also had a bookclub meeting in the afternoon which together with going to the library in the morning constitutes a lot of time spent outside in the rain. AND, I had homework due on Sunday. Originally planned to do a gallery showing before the play. P met me after the meeting and we already walked to Spruce St. to catch the bus. But with the horrible rain and wind turning our umbrellas inside-out, I gave up and we went home instead. Stayed in for 2 hours and we took a cab to the theatre for the 8pm show. I actually had played with the idea of giving on the show altogether… but thank goodness I didn’t. It was a good play, diabolical, but that’s the good part of it. The twist in the end was totally unexpected and the acting literally had me at the edge of my seat. Also, the storm ended when we got out of the theatre and the light night air refreshed my lousy mood and I was actually happy again as we walked home.
Today, on the other hand, was a bright and sunny day. I managed to finish my homework by 10am. Shaved off the top of my reading and cooked a lot of food for lunch. So by the time we left home for the matinee show of “Sex, with benefits”, I was already happy. Took the trolley to Baltimore and it was a sweet neighborhood. The play was good too, the topic slightly overdone – online-chat-partners-falling-in-love-only-to-find-what-they-wanted-wasn’t-the-same-thing. Still, the theme of love never grows old and the lines were good and the acting wasn’t bad. It was early so we went to Penn’s Landing, a place that reminded me of marina promenade. Blue skies and blue waters and a bright shining sun. The find of the day must be Zento, a sushi place at 2nd and Chestnut that serves the best sushi I’ve had since I came to Philly (and people who know me would know that even though it’s only a month, I’ve ate a lot of sushi). P is very proud because we wouldn’t have happened across the sushi place if he didn’t suggest taking another route back to 2nd street from Penn’s Landing.
We caught Ombelico’s Romeo and Juliet comedy at the Betsy Ross House courtyard in the evening, a commedia dell’arte piece that even P enjoyed.
And now we’re home… with me having to finish at least two more pieces of reading before sleep and bringing the week to a close.
p/s: there’s still another weekend of Philly fringe shows. Will talk more if there’s shows I like.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
话闲聊
白驹过隙。
今天带了一个团。就绕着校园一圈，简单介绍。一个团员问我来了多久了。算一算，近一个月了。身边的新朋友说，感觉上却好像很久了。团员惊讶，才一个月就能带团了？呵，一个月，却感觉真的熟悉很多了。而且，新人往往知道新人最迫切想知道什么，和不知道什么。
转眼，夏季就快过了。
很快，就不能穿之前因为是老师所以不能天天穿的清凉亮眼衣服了。才几个月呢。有点不甘心。不过，就能披上好久没披的暖暖美美秋衣。
父母朋友在埋怨我好久没写了，看到这，一定说我一写就写一些穿什么衣服的废话。
其实最近真的没在干嘛。所以一定要写，也就只能说一些废话了。
最近，就是每天煮煮饭、熬熬汤。嫁为人妇，不就是洗手做羹汤咯。最精彩的是拿了车，能去亚洲超市买菜的那一天，终于能买到枸桔子、蜜枣、当归、人参，能好好熬一锅肉骨莲藕汤。一连喝了三天，简直是这几周的最高点。而且还能买到紫菜！
兴奋到忘了拍照。其实，03年后就很久没有在煮了饭后拍照留念了。少了那份新鲜和单纯。几年后看到平的同屋，是一对孪生兄弟，在每一次煮了饭后都拍照留念时，会心一笑。下面这一张照，说是拍那一碟没什么特别的西红柿炒豆腐，不如说因为这一天，阳光明媚，映得一碟红艳灿烂的菜很亮眼，心情好，就照一张吧。
最近的活动最主要就是看医生。无病无痛的一个人，这几周却不断地往诊所跑，不但很罪过，而且很冤枉。而且老是打针抽血的，把好好的一个人折腾得没病都痛了。预防针左右打，血也左右抽，前前后后上上下下打了六个针！明明健健康康好好的人，怎么想都很白搭。
再来就是几个周末的小小出游。主要是在费城的古城绕，了解一下这个国家的历史。平绕得很闷，可见以前很讨厌历史。其实也还好啦。有些还蛮有趣的。
如这条街道，是全美国最古老的居家街。有超过三百年的历史了，改头换面了好几次，现在红瓦绿叶堂皇，可当初，一间小小的房子得挤下二十多人时，却不知是如何的灰暗？
这张有点朦胧的照，是Independence Hall，是美国独立宣言签订之处。中间那张平平无奇的椅子有个相当壮宏的名字，叫The Chair of the Rising Sun，是华盛顿的椅子哦。 椅子上端有半个太阳。据说那时富兰克林端详了半天，一直无法判断这半个太阳究竟是日出还是日落。在签订美国宪法时，他终于决定这半个太阳，是旭日东升，而非夕阳西下。这个有些破烂的椅子，也从此著名。
除了小小出游外，日子多都在忙碌和不忙碌间过。这里网线还蛮快的。偶尔就在网上看一些戏。那天在看星光三班时，偶然间听到这一首歌。
夏天要过了呢。而如今日般的艳阳将渐渐少见了吧。其实也还好啦。就不知为何，今日有些惆怅。
今天带了一个团。就绕着校园一圈，简单介绍。一个团员问我来了多久了。算一算，近一个月了。身边的新朋友说，感觉上却好像很久了。团员惊讶，才一个月就能带团了？呵，一个月，却感觉真的熟悉很多了。而且，新人往往知道新人最迫切想知道什么，和不知道什么。
转眼，夏季就快过了。
很快，就不能穿之前因为是老师所以不能天天穿的清凉亮眼衣服了。才几个月呢。有点不甘心。不过，就能披上好久没披的暖暖美美秋衣。
父母朋友在埋怨我好久没写了，看到这，一定说我一写就写一些穿什么衣服的废话。
其实最近真的没在干嘛。所以一定要写，也就只能说一些废话了。
最近，就是每天煮煮饭、熬熬汤。嫁为人妇，不就是洗手做羹汤咯。最精彩的是拿了车，能去亚洲超市买菜的那一天，终于能买到枸桔子、蜜枣、当归、人参，能好好熬一锅肉骨莲藕汤。一连喝了三天，简直是这几周的最高点。而且还能买到紫菜！
兴奋到忘了拍照。其实，03年后就很久没有在煮了饭后拍照留念了。少了那份新鲜和单纯。几年后看到平的同屋，是一对孪生兄弟，在每一次煮了饭后都拍照留念时，会心一笑。下面这一张照，说是拍那一碟没什么特别的西红柿炒豆腐，不如说因为这一天，阳光明媚，映得一碟红艳灿烂的菜很亮眼，心情好，就照一张吧。
最近的活动最主要就是看医生。无病无痛的一个人，这几周却不断地往诊所跑，不但很罪过，而且很冤枉。而且老是打针抽血的，把好好的一个人折腾得没病都痛了。预防针左右打，血也左右抽，前前后后上上下下打了六个针！明明健健康康好好的人，怎么想都很白搭。
再来就是几个周末的小小出游。主要是在费城的古城绕，了解一下这个国家的历史。平绕得很闷，可见以前很讨厌历史。其实也还好啦。有些还蛮有趣的。
如这条街道，是全美国最古老的居家街。有超过三百年的历史了，改头换面了好几次，现在红瓦绿叶堂皇，可当初，一间小小的房子得挤下二十多人时，却不知是如何的灰暗？
这张有点朦胧的照，是Independence Hall，是美国独立宣言签订之处。中间那张平平无奇的椅子有个相当壮宏的名字，叫The Chair of the Rising Sun，是华盛顿的椅子哦。 椅子上端有半个太阳。据说那时富兰克林端详了半天，一直无法判断这半个太阳究竟是日出还是日落。在签订美国宪法时，他终于决定这半个太阳，是旭日东升，而非夕阳西下。这个有些破烂的椅子，也从此著名。
除了小小出游外，日子多都在忙碌和不忙碌间过。这里网线还蛮快的。偶尔就在网上看一些戏。那天在看星光三班时，偶然间听到这一首歌。
远离家乡 不甚唏嘘 幻化成秋夜
而我却像落叶归根 坠在你心间
而我却像落叶归根 坠在你心间
夏天要过了呢。而如今日般的艳阳将渐渐少见了吧。其实也还好啦。就不知为何，今日有些惆怅。
买了一束金葵，算是对夏天，和那长年都是夏的家乡的一个回眸吧。
今天带了这么一个团，对着十余个人讲话，忽然间还蛮怀念对着我那几班小瓜讲话的日子。刚考了期中考，不知那些小瓜怎么了？
Friday, August 08, 2008
熟悉·家
来了差不多有一周了。开始熟悉这个地方。
人的韧性是很强的。只要一熟悉一个地方，很自然就有家的感觉。而我，大概只要知道怎么去一个地方，哪儿有什么，哪里可以买到什么东西，就很自然把那个地方当家了。
今天第一次下城。之前一直很抗拒，宁愿上网买东西也不愿想怎么去找进城的方式。今天一试，原来也不过两个捷运站！接下来，应该会经常去了。
这几天一直都在收拾房子。我呀，一辈子大概也没这么顾家过。天生娇气，任谁都管我是个大小姐。老爸老妈都认为，来到这里，应该是平在管家。连我也这么认为。但，没办法，平这一周有个“死期”在赶。我又受不了房子很乱。所以迫不得已就收拾了。还蛮有满足感的，看到整个房子整整齐齐的。而且每次平问什么东西在哪儿时，都能马上说出哪里的那个抽屉。成就感很足。但就很快变得很阿嫂，不断埋怨平把收好的东西用了乱放、让他吸地两天了还是没吸，冰箱没关好等。就这样，三天一小吵，就是老夫老妻了。还好没两天一大吵。
收家几天的一大心得，与大家分享。就是万能强力胶的伟大！真的很神奇哦。无论是把裂成两半的爱心盘粘得天衣无缝，而且不漏水；还是把挂了几天就没用地掉下的壁钩粘回墙壁，都好用得没话说。其中一个壁钩是挂手巾而已呢，这样也掉，壁钩本身的粘性可见一斑。另一个是挂很重的洗澡用品，用强力胶粘上后，真的都不掉了。我从此崇拜万能强力胶。
接下来，看看几张这几天拍的照。
这一张是前几天平和我去找间店时走错地方，跑到个住宅区时照的。这里的房子都蛮有特色的。这里的人，更是友善，都很热于助人。有时看我们穷学生，都会偷偷给我们优惠。其实，我还蛮幸运的，无论去到哪里，都碰到好人。
这一张是今天进城时拍的一张照。是用新手机拍的哦。是费城的市政府大厦。还蛮雄伟的。有一度曾是世界最高的建筑呢。上面那黑黑的东西是成立费城的William Penn铜像。这么壮观的建筑，在找厕间的平看到时，只想：“那么大的建筑里头应该有厕所吧？”让人想晕倒。
这一张是我大学的中央大道。这里横的街道都以树为名。我们住的叫Chestnut St，这条就叫Locust Walk。林荫大道，两边都是风格各异的学术馆，还蛮有味道的。傍晚漫步过这古道时，能感觉这百余年的老校在说故事。
最后一张是我家。总觉得，一个家，应该有花。不是能养活植物的料，所以就买花咯。紫蓝的鸢尾与点点纯白的满天星，摆在桌上，添色怡情。Iris, if you see this, this is for you too.
好了。要去读书了。要考这里的驾照，得先考个Learners' Permit，就得读个驾驶条规理论的东东。平很开心呢，说我提早读书。也不顾我满腹哀怨。
人的韧性是很强的。只要一熟悉一个地方，很自然就有家的感觉。而我，大概只要知道怎么去一个地方，哪儿有什么，哪里可以买到什么东西，就很自然把那个地方当家了。
今天第一次下城。之前一直很抗拒，宁愿上网买东西也不愿想怎么去找进城的方式。今天一试，原来也不过两个捷运站！接下来，应该会经常去了。
这几天一直都在收拾房子。我呀，一辈子大概也没这么顾家过。天生娇气，任谁都管我是个大小姐。老爸老妈都认为，来到这里，应该是平在管家。连我也这么认为。但，没办法，平这一周有个“死期”在赶。我又受不了房子很乱。所以迫不得已就收拾了。还蛮有满足感的，看到整个房子整整齐齐的。而且每次平问什么东西在哪儿时，都能马上说出哪里的那个抽屉。成就感很足。但就很快变得很阿嫂，不断埋怨平把收好的东西用了乱放、让他吸地两天了还是没吸，冰箱没关好等。就这样，三天一小吵，就是老夫老妻了。还好没两天一大吵。
收家几天的一大心得，与大家分享。就是万能强力胶的伟大！真的很神奇哦。无论是把裂成两半的爱心盘粘得天衣无缝，而且不漏水；还是把挂了几天就没用地掉下的壁钩粘回墙壁，都好用得没话说。其中一个壁钩是挂手巾而已呢，这样也掉，壁钩本身的粘性可见一斑。另一个是挂很重的洗澡用品，用强力胶粘上后，真的都不掉了。我从此崇拜万能强力胶。
接下来，看看几张这几天拍的照。
这一张是前几天平和我去找间店时走错地方，跑到个住宅区时照的。这里的房子都蛮有特色的。这里的人，更是友善，都很热于助人。有时看我们穷学生，都会偷偷给我们优惠。其实，我还蛮幸运的，无论去到哪里，都碰到好人。
这一张是今天进城时拍的一张照。是用新手机拍的哦。是费城的市政府大厦。还蛮雄伟的。有一度曾是世界最高的建筑呢。上面那黑黑的东西是成立费城的William Penn铜像。这么壮观的建筑，在找厕间的平看到时，只想：“那么大的建筑里头应该有厕所吧？”让人想晕倒。
这一张是我大学的中央大道。这里横的街道都以树为名。我们住的叫Chestnut St，这条就叫Locust Walk。林荫大道，两边都是风格各异的学术馆，还蛮有味道的。傍晚漫步过这古道时，能感觉这百余年的老校在说故事。
最后一张是我家。总觉得，一个家，应该有花。不是能养活植物的料，所以就买花咯。紫蓝的鸢尾与点点纯白的满天星，摆在桌上，添色怡情。Iris, if you see this, this is for you too.
好了。要去读书了。要考这里的驾照，得先考个Learners' Permit，就得读个驾驶条规理论的东东。平很开心呢，说我提早读书。也不顾我满腹哀怨。
Saturday, August 02, 2008
新生活·第一天
昏昏沉沉的。
努力中的平。他很骄傲哦，今早就把电脑连上线了。小小一个房子，就有四个电脑屏幕，怎么看都象个现成网吧。
尽管在飞行前的一晚没睡，行李收拾不完之余想顺便把生理时钟调试过来。但在飞机上睡得没头没脑的，还是失败。抵达费城时，刚好就半夜十二点，时针滑入八月二日。进房间时，发现卧房洗澡房都没电，闹了许久才解决。结果，两点才趴到床上，感觉无比疲惫却又无比清醒。半寐半醒了几个小时，六点钟就无论如何睡不着了。
所以，新生活的第一天，就是昏昏沉沉地过。
第一天，最成功的，就是闹着平把整间房子都清洗一遍。来到新的地方，就是有些洁癖。早上出门就去超市买了洗洁剂，回来抹抹刷刷了一个早上。下午，我整理我那三箱书，平安装他那几架电脑，很各有所职。
劳累了一天后，房子终于有些家的样子了。
三箱书其实不算什么嘛。六个架子都装不下。就平爱大惊小怪，一直说我带的书太多。
努力中的平。他很骄傲哦，今早就把电脑连上线了。小小一个房子，就有四个电脑屏幕，怎么看都象个现成网吧。
小小的一个房间，转个身就会撞倒人，真的是个蜗居。可，就很喜欢，很温馨。
是我们第一个家呢。
p/s：谢谢所有在八月一日早上五点至六点出现在机场送我的人，那么惨无人道的时间，我自己得到机场都觉得痛苦，没想到还有人愿意来送别。现在想起，还是想落泪。
Friday, August 01, 2008
惜取此时心
本以为此刻会有千言万语。没想到，静下来的一刻，却竟是无语。
长长的一天，多次的泪水决堤。多次的心灵触动。
学生也好，朋友也好，亲人也好。
太多太多的感动。沉沉地压在心。也就无语。
真的，写不出。今天发生的种种，在学校的部门，4I, 4J , 4D，武术。朋友接续不断的简讯与电话。家人，亲人，朋友上门的问候。
不是不想写，不是不想记。但有些事，我选择记在心里。
方文山有词曰，邀明月，让回忆皎洁。
也许如此的选择，是愿回忆长藏在心，惟有月色分明。
都问，期待吗？
刚刚几分钟前收拾完，林问我时，才认真想这个问题。
期待吗？
六年半的等待，就剩一夕。
期待吗？
还是无语。
时间， 真的是眨眼而逝。
方文山有另一句词，仿佛回应上一句。月色被打捞起，晕开了结局。积累了回忆后 ，结局是如何，谁也不晓得。
对着身边的人，不是不舍得。
每一个都不舍得。
最近读了本小说，其中有一句，蛮喜欢。
明朝即长路，惜取此时心。
不敢承诺些什么。未来有太多的未知。有时有些事，不是有心就能维此的。
但，我的那位你。若你读到也好，没读到也好。
我都想告诉你。
无论未来是否会不会再见。再见时此情是否依旧。
相信，我不会忘记。
此刻。此情。我们共有的回忆。
珍重。我在世界的某一角，祝福着。
长长的一天，多次的泪水决堤。多次的心灵触动。
学生也好，朋友也好，亲人也好。
太多太多的感动。沉沉地压在心。也就无语。
真的，写不出。今天发生的种种，在学校的部门，4I, 4J , 4D，武术。朋友接续不断的简讯与电话。家人，亲人，朋友上门的问候。
不是不想写，不是不想记。但有些事，我选择记在心里。
方文山有词曰，邀明月，让回忆皎洁。
也许如此的选择，是愿回忆长藏在心，惟有月色分明。
都问，期待吗？
刚刚几分钟前收拾完，林问我时，才认真想这个问题。
期待吗？
六年半的等待，就剩一夕。
期待吗？
还是无语。
时间， 真的是眨眼而逝。
方文山有另一句词，仿佛回应上一句。月色被打捞起，晕开了结局。积累了回忆后 ，结局是如何，谁也不晓得。
对着身边的人，不是不舍得。
每一个都不舍得。
最近读了本小说，其中有一句，蛮喜欢。
明朝即长路，惜取此时心。
不敢承诺些什么。未来有太多的未知。有时有些事，不是有心就能维此的。
但，我的那位你。若你读到也好，没读到也好。
我都想告诉你。
无论未来是否会不会再见。再见时此情是否依旧。
相信，我不会忘记。
此刻。此情。我们共有的回忆。
珍重。我在世界的某一角，祝福着。
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Sex and the City
23 days and counting… my days are packed and my bags aren’t… not a very good combination.
Been sneaking episodes of Sex and the City in between, work, dates, packing and sleep…
Xinyi lent them to me after I caught the film with her. She can’t believe that I haven’t watched a single episode before. They are addictive and good, despite the fact that sometimes I so want to slap Carrie. Am I the only one who thinks she’s irritating? I liked her enough in the film, but in the TV shows, there are times when her neuroses are frankly grating on my nerves.
I think the episodes are the only thing that’s keeping me sane right now. I have a schedule that’s unbelievable and work so piled that I’m starting to run on 4 hours of sleep per day… and thinking about cutting back to 2. In fact, have cut back to 2 last night. Meals are down to 2 a day, hopefully the first isn’t simply fruits. And my temper is getting so short, that even I pity my students who are mostly getting the brunt of it as I have no patience left and snap at them almost every lesson.
And so, to survive it all. I’m turning to Sex. And the City. And yes, I know I shouldn’t! So I sneak them like I’m doing drugs. Illicitly. I watch them on the laptop with the earphones while hidden in the corner of my room. An episode here and an episode there. One after marking 10 essays. Just one after a shower while waiting for my hair to dry. One after packing a box cause I’m too tired to move anyway. One just before I sleep. And yes, occasionally, I can’t stop myself and go on a binge, especially on weekend nights where I finish 6 episodes at a go. 20 mins per episode. I’m down to only Season 5 & 6.
It’s supposed to reflect the real lives of women. But somehow, it doesn’t to me. These women. They aren’t living real lives. They have problems and dysfunctional relationships and make tons of mistakes. But that doesn’t constitute real lives… somehow… they don’t have the uncertainness that mortals have… the lost and “I have no freaking idea what the hell I’m doing” & the “I think I’m destroying my life but I’m not sure and I don’t know how the hell to be and even if I do, I don’t know how to stop myself”…
Too often, we hear the line:
“It was then that Carrie/Miranda/Charlotte/Samantha realized, that….., and she (made some whatever important decision)”
And that’s not real. We don’t have that. There isn’t a moment that we “realize” anything. And even if we do, what we “realize” probably isn’t true and just what we *think* we “realize”.
But, whatever. It’s still a fun show with lots of great lines. And, it’s playing a big part in keeping me away from tearing my hair out and running away to the states early with only my passport in my hands.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Disneyland, Oriental-Style
Took a detour through chinatown today between oral examinations and a dinner date at Clarke Quay. I can barely recognize the place. I felt like a tourist. Hell, anyone would feel like a tourist. It's like Disneyland, Oriental-style. There are pedestrian streets complete with paris-style street cafes and German wurstelstands selling kasekrainer (which I was actually tempted to buy in memory of my 04 Europe trip). Colorful swatches of fabrics reminiscence of Thai street markets gleamed with polished slabs of seals.
Never underestimate the power of commercialism.
I always knew Chinatown has turned into a tourist stop. The rainbow of colors splashed over the rows of shophouses and the overpriced hawker fare at Smith St. was hard to overlook. But, when did it totally lose its soul?
The epitome of "tourist spot". When a place exists sole for tourists. and became an oxymoron in itself.
I think about the Chinatown that was. And never would be again.
Thanks heaven for the groups of checkers-playing old men next to the brand new temple. who incidentally still spat on the floor after clearing their throat. the only identity of Chinatown.
p.s. Am I the only one who blinked at the transliteration of Temple Street, two different ones side by side? What's wrong with a direct translation of Temple?
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