最近很忙。也不知道究竟在忙什么。
那天，和朋友聊天。跟朋友说，感觉很无聊。无聊？不是在筹备喜事吗？怎么会无聊。不知道，该怎么跟朋友解释。许是太多事了吧，整日的做做做。没一刻可停歇。任何一刻的停顿都是一个浪费。久了，感觉无论做什么，都是无聊。
昨天去教育部的茶聚，碰到了大学同学。久未见面，他消瘦了不少（也因此俊俏了不少）。原来是刚从盲肠炎康复。怎会无端盲肠炎？不知道，压力吧，每天跟时间赛跑。会有压力吗？我有些奇异。忙是忙，但不至于到无法负荷而压力重重吧。反正，做不完，又不会死人。不过，这样的减肥法蛮有效的。可以学学。
昨天傍晚去剪发。理发师很健谈，说了许多教儿心得。最后说了一句，人算不如天算。没错。真的如此。就如今天。原来预算留在家做工，没想到被家人拉出门看《881》。小弟刚回来，难得的家庭聚会，不可能拒绝。一天的安排就此打乱了。
大事不断，琐事也不断。大事琐事加起来，人便忙得有些不知所谓。也不是不开心啦。一件件的事情逐步完成，有些事情的轮廓出现了，总有成就感。偶尔与家人朋友的聚会，也感觉贴心。但，就是感觉有些无聊罢了。
为什么呢？说不上来。有时觉得自己的人生，真的掌握在自己手中的，其实好少。步步安排预算，其实又何必。
随波逐流，糊涂一生，不好吗？只是自己放不开。而这，才是真正的糊涂一生啊。
好想逃。
Thursday, August 09, 2007
六年
今天是和平的六周年纪念日。
竟六年了。好恐怖。
六年前的这天，两个小孩趁着假日出门玩。在滨海的一隅勾着手，就一路走到今天。
还记得那时许下的诺言。死生契阔，与子成说。
今天收到他送的订婚戒。刻了同样的承诺。比之其他的一切，都动人。
一路上，坎坎坷坷，跌跌撞撞。今天翻到以前写的文章。有一句，每日的酸、苦、辣，比之甜更令人回味。当时年少无知啊。但，今日的我们，分分和和，吵吵闹闹，心痛流泪，仍勾着手往前走。
我们，还有多少个六年？
竟六年了。好恐怖。
六年前的这天，两个小孩趁着假日出门玩。在滨海的一隅勾着手，就一路走到今天。
还记得那时许下的诺言。死生契阔，与子成说。
今天收到他送的订婚戒。刻了同样的承诺。比之其他的一切，都动人。
一路上，坎坎坷坷，跌跌撞撞。今天翻到以前写的文章。有一句，每日的酸、苦、辣，比之甜更令人回味。当时年少无知啊。但，今日的我们，分分和和，吵吵闹闹，心痛流泪，仍勾着手往前走。
我们，还有多少个六年？
Monday, August 06, 2007
愿生活永远眷顾善良的人
愿生活永远眷顾善良的人。
在朋友的部落格上看到的一句话。一段文字，原该是我让我看后感到一阵温馨。至少，按我性格应是如此。但。此刻的我，看后却只在想。如何定义“善良”？
一个人善不善良。是不是那么容易可以下定的？此刻的我。一点也不善良。一点也不想善良。
学生总说我心肠软。连骂人都带微笑。除非真的生气，否则，学生从来都不会怕我。就算真的生气，摸熟我心肠软的性子的学生，也一样能够连哄带逗地惹我发笑，再给第一百零一次的机会。真的，不想再善良了。人善被人欺，这一句古语，并不是假的。
难道说，狠一点，残酷一点，就不善良了吗？有时，就是残酷，才是真正的善良。而我的善良，却是最深刻的残酷。可惜，我永远都做不到这一点。明白也徒然。
上面一段，是大约几个月前，心情极端恶劣时写的。对着我一群小瓜，有时，真的有恨铁之心。他们的贴心，他们的不振，他们的努力，他们的不自律，他们的天真，他们的无知，他们的执著，他们的倔强，牵动着一个老师的心情。一个教书匠，最好的是学生，最坏的也是学生。
不知为何，最近想起，在我还在教育学院混日子时，观察教学的一周，在我的老师的一堂课随意指点了坐在我身旁的一个学生几道题。他在下课时，对我说的一句：“老师，谢谢你。”记得听的时候的心悸。因为是在自己的中学老师的课堂上听到一个学生称我老师，因为是第一次听到一个学生心诚地道谢，只为几分钟的随意指导。因为，第一次有身为老师的认知。
两年多下来，无论是“老师，谢谢你”，还是“老师，对不起”，听得无数次，虽不是麻木，但也谈不上什么悸动。因为几年的教书经验下来已知道，这一句话是真心诚意也好，随口敷衍也罢，学生就是学生，知错未必能改，不会放弃，但也不必抱太多希望。
有人说，没有坏学生，只有烂老师。是吗？我只知道，我很累。
这样的老师，算善良吗？
不喜欢这样的自己。不喜欢这样的老师。在看到学生对我笑时，尤其不喜欢这样的自己。
愿生活永远眷顾善良的人。我宁愿，自己能永远持有善良的心，不论生活是否眷顾我。
在朋友的部落格上看到的一句话。一段文字，原该是我让我看后感到一阵温馨。至少，按我性格应是如此。但。此刻的我，看后却只在想。如何定义“善良”？
一个人善不善良。是不是那么容易可以下定的？此刻的我。一点也不善良。一点也不想善良。
学生总说我心肠软。连骂人都带微笑。除非真的生气，否则，学生从来都不会怕我。就算真的生气，摸熟我心肠软的性子的学生，也一样能够连哄带逗地惹我发笑，再给第一百零一次的机会。真的，不想再善良了。人善被人欺，这一句古语，并不是假的。
难道说，狠一点，残酷一点，就不善良了吗？有时，就是残酷，才是真正的善良。而我的善良，却是最深刻的残酷。可惜，我永远都做不到这一点。明白也徒然。
上面一段，是大约几个月前，心情极端恶劣时写的。对着我一群小瓜，有时，真的有恨铁之心。他们的贴心，他们的不振，他们的努力，他们的不自律，他们的天真，他们的无知，他们的执著，他们的倔强，牵动着一个老师的心情。一个教书匠，最好的是学生，最坏的也是学生。
不知为何，最近想起，在我还在教育学院混日子时，观察教学的一周，在我的老师的一堂课随意指点了坐在我身旁的一个学生几道题。他在下课时，对我说的一句：“老师，谢谢你。”记得听的时候的心悸。因为是在自己的中学老师的课堂上听到一个学生称我老师，因为是第一次听到一个学生心诚地道谢，只为几分钟的随意指导。因为，第一次有身为老师的认知。
两年多下来，无论是“老师，谢谢你”，还是“老师，对不起”，听得无数次，虽不是麻木，但也谈不上什么悸动。因为几年的教书经验下来已知道，这一句话是真心诚意也好，随口敷衍也罢，学生就是学生，知错未必能改，不会放弃，但也不必抱太多希望。
有人说，没有坏学生，只有烂老师。是吗？我只知道，我很累。
这样的老师，算善良吗？
不喜欢这样的自己。不喜欢这样的老师。在看到学生对我笑时，尤其不喜欢这样的自己。
愿生活永远眷顾善良的人。我宁愿，自己能永远持有善良的心，不论生活是否眷顾我。
Thursday, July 12, 2007
换季
《换季》这首歌，是在车上听到的。原来在跟妈妈聊天，不知为何，在听到过门时，就不自觉地伸手把声量调高，噤声。
好喜欢歌词。在听到“让爱换个季节再开花结果，看时间把伤口酿成了收获”时，心纠结了。
有时候，失去并不一定是最坏的结局。不曾拥有，才是最好的结果。这个道理，是在失去了十年后才真正理解到的。一番经验，需要十年的时间，才能明白。
在听到“让爱换个季节再重新拥有，两个人用关心代替了苛求”时，浅笑。有时候，最贴近你心的人，未必是你身边的人。世界上，并非只有一种爱情。
曾看过一部电影，里头的女主角说过一句话：你最后结婚的对象，不一定是你最爱的人。其实，爱有很多，何谓最爱？
不能到最后，其实又何须可惜。如今在偶然想起时，唇边带笑。能笑着回首，坦然回首，如朋友般侃侃而谈，真的，更像幸福。不是吗？ 什么才是最后？太多时候，其实没有什么最后的。
一直记着，你曾在一个秋季一声问候的温暖。
你给过我最美的回忆，无论是谁，又有什么好歉疚的？
好喜欢歌词。在听到“让爱换个季节再开花结果，看时间把伤口酿成了收获”时，心纠结了。
有时候，失去并不一定是最坏的结局。不曾拥有，才是最好的结果。这个道理，是在失去了十年后才真正理解到的。一番经验，需要十年的时间，才能明白。
在听到“让爱换个季节再重新拥有，两个人用关心代替了苛求”时，浅笑。有时候，最贴近你心的人，未必是你身边的人。世界上，并非只有一种爱情。
曾看过一部电影，里头的女主角说过一句话：你最后结婚的对象，不一定是你最爱的人。其实，爱有很多，何谓最爱？
不能到最后，其实又何须可惜。如今在偶然想起时，唇边带笑。能笑着回首，坦然回首，如朋友般侃侃而谈，真的，更像幸福。不是吗？ 什么才是最后？太多时候，其实没有什么最后的。
一直记着，你曾在一个秋季一声问候的温暖。
你给过我最美的回忆，无论是谁，又有什么好歉疚的？
Saturday, June 30, 2007
朦胧.暖暖
今天是六月的最后一天。这一个六月，发生了太多的事，在刚刚完成翻译作业，眼睛十分疲惫的我，已不想细诉。
今天跑来林的家做作业。原来是因为她病了，想来陪她。可是，其实比较象是她在哄我这个赶作业赶到疯疯癫癫的爱胡闹的人。
终于在八点多把作业解决掉。拖拖拉拉了这段日子，星期一考完试后，至少有两个月的喘气时间，因为下一个翻译考试是九月。
眼睛好累。六月发生的其中一件事，就是这个割眼角膜手术。也不知道算不算一时冲动。没想太多，说做就做了。刚动完手术的几天，好痛苦。眼睛对于我，应该是最重要的一个部分。不能看书，不如杀了我更痛快。
其实，到了现在，我还是不习惯不戴眼镜。也许是长久的习惯。眼镜不知不觉，成了一个保护膜，挡风挡沙之余，也是个变相的面具。没戴眼镜，感觉赤裸。不知为何，不能接受学生看到不戴眼镜的我。有些傻气地去做了个没有度数的眼镜，就为了在学校戴。同事问起，只说因为还有些度数，看书需戴。
其实，还有些度数是真的。直到现在，看东西还是有些模糊。雾里看花，什么都添了些朦胧美。不喜欢，不习惯。尤其用电脑时，屏幕的亮更是辛苦。每一晚都感觉疲惫。
其实，不该太介意的。看东西，何须太清晰。朦朦胧胧，懵懵懂懂，不是更好。
六月份的另一件事，是平回来了。有他在的日子，总是比较好的。和爸爸妈妈和平去了泰国一个星期，感觉像个公主。三个都是把我宠坏的人。
其实有些愧疚的。平回来的首几天，因为工作而忙碌的我，不是拉着他跟着我去学校，就是因为工作而没时间陪他。后来又拉了他出国。好好相处的时间，都没有几天。就是最后一天，拿了本书去他家。他看电视，我看书，时间如此宁静地度过。吃了晚餐后，他送我回家。那一段曾走过无数次的小路，追追赶赶，在嬉笑中，仿佛回到六年前。
最近在听梁静茹的“暖暖”，其中一段歌词特别触心。
我想说其实你很好，你自己却不知道。真心地对我好，不要求回报。
爱一个人，希望他过更好。打从心底暖暖的，你比自己更重要。
想说，你真的很好。可我常常不知道。抑或，不是不知道，而是忘掉。
很任性的我，并不太知道如何疼惜人。但，我会努力的。因为，真的希望你过得更好。
今天跑来林的家做作业。原来是因为她病了，想来陪她。可是，其实比较象是她在哄我这个赶作业赶到疯疯癫癫的爱胡闹的人。
终于在八点多把作业解决掉。拖拖拉拉了这段日子，星期一考完试后，至少有两个月的喘气时间，因为下一个翻译考试是九月。
眼睛好累。六月发生的其中一件事，就是这个割眼角膜手术。也不知道算不算一时冲动。没想太多，说做就做了。刚动完手术的几天，好痛苦。眼睛对于我，应该是最重要的一个部分。不能看书，不如杀了我更痛快。
其实，到了现在，我还是不习惯不戴眼镜。也许是长久的习惯。眼镜不知不觉，成了一个保护膜，挡风挡沙之余，也是个变相的面具。没戴眼镜，感觉赤裸。不知为何，不能接受学生看到不戴眼镜的我。有些傻气地去做了个没有度数的眼镜，就为了在学校戴。同事问起，只说因为还有些度数，看书需戴。
其实，还有些度数是真的。直到现在，看东西还是有些模糊。雾里看花，什么都添了些朦胧美。不喜欢，不习惯。尤其用电脑时，屏幕的亮更是辛苦。每一晚都感觉疲惫。
其实，不该太介意的。看东西，何须太清晰。朦朦胧胧，懵懵懂懂，不是更好。
六月份的另一件事，是平回来了。有他在的日子，总是比较好的。和爸爸妈妈和平去了泰国一个星期，感觉像个公主。三个都是把我宠坏的人。
其实有些愧疚的。平回来的首几天，因为工作而忙碌的我，不是拉着他跟着我去学校，就是因为工作而没时间陪他。后来又拉了他出国。好好相处的时间，都没有几天。就是最后一天，拿了本书去他家。他看电视，我看书，时间如此宁静地度过。吃了晚餐后，他送我回家。那一段曾走过无数次的小路，追追赶赶，在嬉笑中，仿佛回到六年前。
最近在听梁静茹的“暖暖”，其中一段歌词特别触心。
我想说其实你很好，你自己却不知道。真心地对我好，不要求回报。
爱一个人，希望他过更好。打从心底暖暖的，你比自己更重要。
想说，你真的很好。可我常常不知道。抑或，不是不知道，而是忘掉。
很任性的我，并不太知道如何疼惜人。但，我会努力的。因为，真的希望你过得更好。
Saturday, May 12, 2007
逃不了，最后谁也都苍老
好久没听93.3了。最近因为不舒服，父亲开车送我去上课，才在车上听了几次。感觉，仿佛回到了初院时代，那是我听93.3的高峰期。
刚刚在来学校的途中，一上车，就听到一首感觉既陌生又有一丝丝熟悉的歌。想了想，是最近好友介绍的一首新歌，演唱乐队队名怪怪的，记不住。老实说，最近听英文歌比中文歌多。再加上，一旦不听93.3，认识的新歌马上直线下降。好难得，播的新歌有我听过的，且记得住的。这一首，好像叫什么“情歌”的，旋律一般，歌词也普通，其实并不怎样。但，我记住，因为其中的一句歌词。
“逃不了，最后谁也都苍老”。
仿佛应了方文山《发如雪》的那一句，“我等待苍老了谁”。
最近的一个月，学校适逢考试期，工作量剧增。偏偏自己又不知死活地安排了许多业余的东西。搞得自己几乎夜夜熬夜改卷。也不知是否是累坏了，身体开始抗议，闹了一次此生最严重的一次胃病。疼得我恨不得把胃撕出来，不要算了。
这段日子，生活忙碌。又病又累。过得辛苦，让自己有些感慨吧。听了这一句词，有些触动。在我们为一些不知所谓的东西坚持着时，岁月已逝。而最后，紧紧握在手中放不开的，究竟是不是我们想要的？
把生活安排得如此密不透风，还不过是想逃？可，人生总是如此。越想逃避，缠得就越紧。最后，只落得一个苍老。这辈子，有谁真的能逃脱？太多时候，再用力跑，也只是原地踏。只怕，逃一生，却发现自己只是在监狱外自设另一个陷阱。
但，身边有许多朋友，让我感觉自己真的是幸福的。就努力活得开心吧。谁说，苍老不是另一番人生体会？
p/s: 在播了这首新歌后，93.3接着播的是古巨基的《喜欢》。是我初院时代最爱的一首歌之一。不知为何，现在听来，感觉甜得令人发疼。真的，年龄不一样，感觉不一样了。仿佛棉花糖，远看粉粉的，香香的诱人，散发着童真。可，买一束咬一口，才发现自己早过了那爱吃这样黏黏甜甜的零食的年龄，倒不如留作一份回忆，云雾梦幻。
刚刚在来学校的途中，一上车，就听到一首感觉既陌生又有一丝丝熟悉的歌。想了想，是最近好友介绍的一首新歌，演唱乐队队名怪怪的，记不住。老实说，最近听英文歌比中文歌多。再加上，一旦不听93.3，认识的新歌马上直线下降。好难得，播的新歌有我听过的，且记得住的。这一首，好像叫什么“情歌”的，旋律一般，歌词也普通，其实并不怎样。但，我记住，因为其中的一句歌词。
“逃不了，最后谁也都苍老”。
仿佛应了方文山《发如雪》的那一句，“我等待苍老了谁”。
最近的一个月，学校适逢考试期，工作量剧增。偏偏自己又不知死活地安排了许多业余的东西。搞得自己几乎夜夜熬夜改卷。也不知是否是累坏了，身体开始抗议，闹了一次此生最严重的一次胃病。疼得我恨不得把胃撕出来，不要算了。
这段日子，生活忙碌。又病又累。过得辛苦，让自己有些感慨吧。听了这一句词，有些触动。在我们为一些不知所谓的东西坚持着时，岁月已逝。而最后，紧紧握在手中放不开的，究竟是不是我们想要的？
把生活安排得如此密不透风，还不过是想逃？可，人生总是如此。越想逃避，缠得就越紧。最后，只落得一个苍老。这辈子，有谁真的能逃脱？太多时候，再用力跑，也只是原地踏。只怕，逃一生，却发现自己只是在监狱外自设另一个陷阱。
但，身边有许多朋友，让我感觉自己真的是幸福的。就努力活得开心吧。谁说，苍老不是另一番人生体会？
p/s: 在播了这首新歌后，93.3接着播的是古巨基的《喜欢》。是我初院时代最爱的一首歌之一。不知为何，现在听来，感觉甜得令人发疼。真的，年龄不一样，感觉不一样了。仿佛棉花糖，远看粉粉的，香香的诱人，散发着童真。可，买一束咬一口，才发现自己早过了那爱吃这样黏黏甜甜的零食的年龄，倒不如留作一份回忆，云雾梦幻。
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
little pockets of time...
Now Playing : I Miss Me - Brad Cotter
April’s being one of my busiest months yet… wushu competition, three concurrent dance courses, 12 sets of essays to mark for CA2, setting of the mid-year paper, typing of remarks for the mid-year, translation assignment and exam, plays/films/dinners in the weekends and the weekly social dance nights… have hardly any time to sit down for a meal unless it’s a pre-arranged dinner date…
Which is why I appreciate the little pockets of time… one hour or two in between places I have to be and people I have to meet… an hour or two at a café… time to scribble a few thoughts or just to sit and daze… time which belongs to no one but myself… time when I can clear my mind and keep bad thoughts at a bay…
Still, I’m thankful for all in my life… everything that makes me alive… work that fills my days with purpose… the plays and films that fill my soul… friends that goes beyond the word “friend” that makes me feel cherished and blessed… I have angels in my life...
I'm not the same... Just someone else using my name...
I wish you'll come back... coz I miss me...
April’s being one of my busiest months yet… wushu competition, three concurrent dance courses, 12 sets of essays to mark for CA2, setting of the mid-year paper, typing of remarks for the mid-year, translation assignment and exam, plays/films/dinners in the weekends and the weekly social dance nights… have hardly any time to sit down for a meal unless it’s a pre-arranged dinner date…
Which is why I appreciate the little pockets of time… one hour or two in between places I have to be and people I have to meet… an hour or two at a café… time to scribble a few thoughts or just to sit and daze… time which belongs to no one but myself… time when I can clear my mind and keep bad thoughts at a bay…
Still, I’m thankful for all in my life… everything that makes me alive… work that fills my days with purpose… the plays and films that fill my soul… friends that goes beyond the word “friend” that makes me feel cherished and blessed… I have angels in my life...
I'm not the same... Just someone else using my name...
I wish you'll come back... coz I miss me...
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Stars in the sky...
Weekend was jammed starting from Fri midnite when I started to do my translation assignment which was supposed to be handed in before the exam on Sat…it was a horrible assignment…. one part political, one part economic and one part expository. All subjects I hate and am unfamiliar with…called P who dropped his work to help… finished two thirds of it and went to bed. Woke up at 8plus to continue and finished it at about 11am. Dashed to my cousin’s place to print it out before coming back to pack for the exam… which I had no time to study for at all. But it turned out okay I guess. The paper wasn’t too hard; at least it was nowhere as hard as the assignment. Anyway, it’s two down, and four more modules to go…
Went dancing at night after the paper and had one of the rare fun nights for months… althou I got whacked on the nose by J. It’s the first time I ever got whacked since I started dancing 2 years back. Stepped on, yes, multiple times. Whacked people, yes, multiple times too. But never ever got whacked, much least on the face. At least it was memorable. J was so apologetic it’s actually funny. But minus the painful/humorous incident, it was a great dance night. Union was actually not crowded at all but most of the crowd I dance with was there, which is a great combination.
Met with Lin today for Blithe Spirit, a light-hearted comedy that we both need…a little bit of fluff. Went for tea at an elegant café after… always enjoy the time with her… Had dinner after with another friend before returning home…
Missed a couple of stops on the way home and ended up somewhere near P’s place instead. Decided to walk home instead of taking a return bus, thought it would be faster if I took the back way. But it was dark and I took a wrong turn into a dead end and got lost in the labyrinth of private housing… It wasn’t a very smart move I guess… The roads were quiet and dimly lit and I passed a couple of construction workers…. took a few tries before I found a stairway I didn’t knew existed that led down to a road I was more familiar with. I thought I knew the area, but I guess I only really know the way from P’s place to mine. Still, there are rewards… raised my head when walking through a shadowy road to see stars in the sky. It’s a moonless, starry sky…never realized that one could see so many stars in the sky in Singapore… I may have got home 30 minutes later than I should, but it was a cool night and the stars accompanied me home… It would have been lovely walk, if not for the fact that I had to rush home to type my remarks…
Went dancing at night after the paper and had one of the rare fun nights for months… althou I got whacked on the nose by J. It’s the first time I ever got whacked since I started dancing 2 years back. Stepped on, yes, multiple times. Whacked people, yes, multiple times too. But never ever got whacked, much least on the face. At least it was memorable. J was so apologetic it’s actually funny. But minus the painful/humorous incident, it was a great dance night. Union was actually not crowded at all but most of the crowd I dance with was there, which is a great combination.
Met with Lin today for Blithe Spirit, a light-hearted comedy that we both need…a little bit of fluff. Went for tea at an elegant café after… always enjoy the time with her… Had dinner after with another friend before returning home…
Missed a couple of stops on the way home and ended up somewhere near P’s place instead. Decided to walk home instead of taking a return bus, thought it would be faster if I took the back way. But it was dark and I took a wrong turn into a dead end and got lost in the labyrinth of private housing… It wasn’t a very smart move I guess… The roads were quiet and dimly lit and I passed a couple of construction workers…. took a few tries before I found a stairway I didn’t knew existed that led down to a road I was more familiar with. I thought I knew the area, but I guess I only really know the way from P’s place to mine. Still, there are rewards… raised my head when walking through a shadowy road to see stars in the sky. It’s a moonless, starry sky…never realized that one could see so many stars in the sky in Singapore… I may have got home 30 minutes later than I should, but it was a cool night and the stars accompanied me home… It would have been lovely walk, if not for the fact that I had to rush home to type my remarks…
Sunday, April 08, 2007
失而复得
好久没这样一个星期天，全天待在家里。
想好好休息。想寻回一些平静。思绪却仍旧混乱。
原来失去的，不是那么容易就能寻回的。抑或，是从来没拥有过的，也就无所谓寻回。
前天不小心按了查阅hotmail的键，愕然发现因为太久没进入，hotmail竟然把所有的邮件都删除了。只留了hotmail staff寄来的一封不知所谓的邮件。心情莫名的惊慌。打了电话给平，问他这些邮件是否有存底。印象中没有，他只存了mit的信件，因为知道毕业后户口会被删除。hotmail的一来是他寄给我的，二来从没想过会被删除，没理由备存。
这些信，是六年前的信件了。若不是不小心发现已经失去，也许也不会想到要去看。但，在知道也许再无阅读的可能性时，却发现这几封信的重要性。
真的重要吗？
平试图安慰我时，说我们之间互寄的信件如此之多。手写的，短讯的，不同的邮址存的信件数不胜数。在一起六年，他在西我在东的日子占了大部分，彼此的文字堆积如山。也不差hotmail的这几封吧。
不一样的。Hotmail的这几封，记录的是最初的单纯。是再也找不回来的感觉。没有包袱，没有要求，没有压力。只有最纯的思念与甜蜜。六年了。当初的许多都已失去。也许，是注定的。感觉找不回来，留着些黑白的证明又有何用？可，却无法克制自己莫名的在乎。就是无法接受失去这些信件的可能。
几个小时后，平打了电话来，说找到了。原来，真的有备存，在一张CD里。
读了吗？感觉，好像是另外一个人写的，对不对？
找到了。却不想再读。不想，面对自己的改变。
想好好休息。想寻回一些平静。思绪却仍旧混乱。
原来失去的，不是那么容易就能寻回的。抑或，是从来没拥有过的，也就无所谓寻回。
前天不小心按了查阅hotmail的键，愕然发现因为太久没进入，hotmail竟然把所有的邮件都删除了。只留了hotmail staff寄来的一封不知所谓的邮件。心情莫名的惊慌。打了电话给平，问他这些邮件是否有存底。印象中没有，他只存了mit的信件，因为知道毕业后户口会被删除。hotmail的一来是他寄给我的，二来从没想过会被删除，没理由备存。
这些信，是六年前的信件了。若不是不小心发现已经失去，也许也不会想到要去看。但，在知道也许再无阅读的可能性时，却发现这几封信的重要性。
真的重要吗？
平试图安慰我时，说我们之间互寄的信件如此之多。手写的，短讯的，不同的邮址存的信件数不胜数。在一起六年，他在西我在东的日子占了大部分，彼此的文字堆积如山。也不差hotmail的这几封吧。
不一样的。Hotmail的这几封，记录的是最初的单纯。是再也找不回来的感觉。没有包袱，没有要求，没有压力。只有最纯的思念与甜蜜。六年了。当初的许多都已失去。也许，是注定的。感觉找不回来，留着些黑白的证明又有何用？可，却无法克制自己莫名的在乎。就是无法接受失去这些信件的可能。
几个小时后，平打了电话来，说找到了。原来，真的有备存，在一张CD里。
读了吗？感觉，好像是另外一个人写的，对不对？
找到了。却不想再读。不想，面对自己的改变。
Monday, March 26, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
....
最近的人生让我过得很无措。
今天是妈妈的生日，妈妈却告诉了我一些事。她说我们长大了，她做的决定不该再影响我们。不是的。再大，我们还是她的小孩。和妈妈出去，说了很多话，有些角色逆转的感觉。但其实我凭什么？如果她所说的真的成真，我会如何？又能如何？
今天收到平寄来的生日礼物。想哭。
昨晚和萱聊天。发现她比我勇敢坚强太多。我身边的朋友，都是好的。只是，在他人眼中，我们都该是坏的吧。如果他们能透视我们表层的华美包装。
今天是妈妈的生日，妈妈却告诉了我一些事。她说我们长大了，她做的决定不该再影响我们。不是的。再大，我们还是她的小孩。和妈妈出去，说了很多话，有些角色逆转的感觉。但其实我凭什么？如果她所说的真的成真，我会如何？又能如何？
今天收到平寄来的生日礼物。想哭。
昨晚和萱聊天。发现她比我勇敢坚强太多。我身边的朋友，都是好的。只是，在他人眼中，我们都该是坏的吧。如果他们能透视我们表层的华美包装。
Monday, March 05, 2007
轻
心情轻快。
好久没感觉这么轻松了。抑在心中的一份沉沉似乎随风轻云淡飘逸。心中缺落的那一角并没补上，但至少不再淋血。
星期天，待在家里。责我夜夜笙歌的父母，竟然选我乖乖在家的一天，全跑出门。没关，就自己一个待在家，看戏睡觉。晚上赖在沙发上，有一句没一句地改卷，有一搭没一搭地和妈妈闲聊。妈妈其实是聪明的，什么都瞒不了她。但，她更聪明地什么都不说。
一个星期天，就这么简单地过了。原来，打开了一个结会使另一个解不开的结松化一些。有些事，一辈子也无法解，那也不用太执着吧。这人生嘛，不也就这样过了。
晚上早睡。这是多么难得的享受。好喜欢这种感觉，仿佛喝了一杯清凉的茉莉绿茶。
不是放开。但，也是放开。
好久没感觉这么轻松了。抑在心中的一份沉沉似乎随风轻云淡飘逸。心中缺落的那一角并没补上，但至少不再淋血。
星期天，待在家里。责我夜夜笙歌的父母，竟然选我乖乖在家的一天，全跑出门。没关，就自己一个待在家，看戏睡觉。晚上赖在沙发上，有一句没一句地改卷，有一搭没一搭地和妈妈闲聊。妈妈其实是聪明的，什么都瞒不了她。但，她更聪明地什么都不说。
一个星期天，就这么简单地过了。原来，打开了一个结会使另一个解不开的结松化一些。有些事，一辈子也无法解，那也不用太执着吧。这人生嘛，不也就这样过了。
晚上早睡。这是多么难得的享受。好喜欢这种感觉，仿佛喝了一杯清凉的茉莉绿茶。
不是放开。但，也是放开。
Monday, February 26, 2007
简讯心情
前些日子因为一个朋友偏爱以发简讯的方式沟通，手机信箱经常爆满。所以这几天常常发现自己在做删除简讯的工作。
常告诉自己，要养成一收到简讯，阅读完毕，就立刻删除的好习惯。但却无法做到。
偏自己有个怪癖。在删除简讯时，喜欢一个一个打开来，重读一遍再删。手机设有“删除所有信息”的智能功能，却从来只是摆着不用。费时费力，却能重新回味一段段的对话。就算简单如朋友传来的“赶着去朋友家，手机快没电了”，这么一个平凡的信息，也藏着一层回忆。原先是收到时，习惯性的不删。隔几天随意翻阅到，不觉感到窝心，也就不舍得删。
就这样收着，收着，信箱不觉爆满。以往发简讯还只是一种生活便利，只在无法通电话时才用。现在碰到一个朋友把简讯当MSN用，一天就可以爆我一次信箱，就真的开始埋怨了。不由得怨起自己的手机只能容约200个信息。但，以往的手机只能收10个信息的。人心呀，永远无法满足。
其实，埋怨也只是口头的碎念。删简讯，是个差事，但却也是一种享受。
Each message means, you are in my thoughts.
会这么怨，是因为每一个简讯，都珍惜。
常告诉自己，要养成一收到简讯，阅读完毕，就立刻删除的好习惯。但却无法做到。
偏自己有个怪癖。在删除简讯时，喜欢一个一个打开来，重读一遍再删。手机设有“删除所有信息”的智能功能，却从来只是摆着不用。费时费力，却能重新回味一段段的对话。就算简单如朋友传来的“赶着去朋友家，手机快没电了”，这么一个平凡的信息，也藏着一层回忆。原先是收到时，习惯性的不删。隔几天随意翻阅到，不觉感到窝心，也就不舍得删。
就这样收着，收着，信箱不觉爆满。以往发简讯还只是一种生活便利，只在无法通电话时才用。现在碰到一个朋友把简讯当MSN用，一天就可以爆我一次信箱，就真的开始埋怨了。不由得怨起自己的手机只能容约200个信息。但，以往的手机只能收10个信息的。人心呀，永远无法满足。
其实，埋怨也只是口头的碎念。删简讯，是个差事，但却也是一种享受。
Each message means, you are in my thoughts.
会这么怨，是因为每一个简讯，都珍惜。
Sunday, February 18, 2007
疯
2月16日 —— 2月17日。
好久没玩得那么疯了。大概大学毕业之后，就没。
唱K，吃鱼生，跳舞，看电影。原来要分5天做的事，一天全做了。
很满足。玩得尽兴，电影好看。陪我玩的人够疯。
开心。仿佛找回了以往的自己。自由，自主，随性。没有责任，不想太多，想做就做。不像现在，什么都安排好，且安排得让自己没有喘气的时间。昨天的疯狂，已影响了自己几日的安排。但值得。找回了呼吸的空间。
感谢陪伴的人。不会跳舞也在舞池边呆了两个小时。说好看部电影的，没想到看着看着，就凌晨了。
知道我不好陪，所以谢谢你陪我一整夜。不知道这样玩你是真的开心还是只是迁就我。但，想让你知道，这一夜，我很开心。
不算熟，认识也没多久。知道你不开心，也不能说什么。就一声谢谢吧。谢谢你，谢谢你的时间。谢谢你让我找回一些些以往的自己。谢谢你给了我这一夜的回忆。也祝福你。开心点吧。人要开心，不容易，也没你想得那么难。
Monday, February 12, 2007
Fundamentally Happy
Now Playing : I Wish You Love - Rachael Yamagata
Watched a couple of good shows recently, one of which was Fundamentally Happy.
Heard rave reviews about the play’s first showing and went in with high expectations. Wasn’t disappointed… but wasn’t terribly impressed either.
I like it, and I don’t.
I like it for the surfeit of emotions and the questions and feelings it digs up within us and the fact that it doesn’t give simple answers. It doesn’t give any answers at all. It doesn’t paint a pretty picture and there isn’t any right or wrong. The playwright laughingly commented that we could even see the play as “morally evil” and in its twisted way, we can.
It shows the truth the way it is. Complex.
I also like the clarity defined in the neatly boxed setting of the new Gallery Theatre.
I don’t like it for the slightly erratic writing, the start of each act seems contrived somehow and the about face turn in the frequent change of emotions is too abrupt to be believable, making the acting seem over the top at times when the actor tries to make up for it. The play didn’t ring true at times.
The ending music was hauntingly perfect but I didn’t cry and didn’t even feel like crying, and that says a lot. I wasn’t drawn in to feel for the characters and somehow that says it all. It’s a pity because I felt there was so much potential and so much more that could be wrung out from this story.
I can see why so many people liked this piece and I do recommend it when it shows again (there’s another run scheduled I think). I’ll even see it again… perhaps in a different mood and changes, it’ll stir different reactions…
Watched a couple of good shows recently, one of which was Fundamentally Happy.
Heard rave reviews about the play’s first showing and went in with high expectations. Wasn’t disappointed… but wasn’t terribly impressed either.
I like it, and I don’t.
I like it for the surfeit of emotions and the questions and feelings it digs up within us and the fact that it doesn’t give simple answers. It doesn’t give any answers at all. It doesn’t paint a pretty picture and there isn’t any right or wrong. The playwright laughingly commented that we could even see the play as “morally evil” and in its twisted way, we can.
It shows the truth the way it is. Complex.
I also like the clarity defined in the neatly boxed setting of the new Gallery Theatre.
I don’t like it for the slightly erratic writing, the start of each act seems contrived somehow and the about face turn in the frequent change of emotions is too abrupt to be believable, making the acting seem over the top at times when the actor tries to make up for it. The play didn’t ring true at times.
The ending music was hauntingly perfect but I didn’t cry and didn’t even feel like crying, and that says a lot. I wasn’t drawn in to feel for the characters and somehow that says it all. It’s a pity because I felt there was so much potential and so much more that could be wrung out from this story.
I can see why so many people liked this piece and I do recommend it when it shows again (there’s another run scheduled I think). I’ll even see it again… perhaps in a different mood and changes, it’ll stir different reactions…
二人前，二人后
上周临时决定不去Gym，去看一部戏。是最后一分钟的决定，也就没约谁。只是早上问了问妈妈要不要去。因为太突然，妈妈本来说不要，没想到下午爸爸却打了电话来。心血来潮的冲动，却成了家庭聚会。
只是在周二看了电邮的通告时，忽然有一股冲动想看戏才做了决定改变计划。最近太累，就想看戏。没想到机缘巧合，竟看了一部好戏。
最好的戏，是让观众笑着流泪的。《二人前，二人后》是不是最好的一部戏，不知道。但，却让人在笑得前伏后仰时，忍不住想哭。
开幕的《小丑》原先让人以为进了马戏团，闭幕时却让人心酸。《双生儿》台词锋利幽默，有些自嘲，结尾时却让人仿佛掏了心般的空虚。《电话》很简单，很风趣，也很冷漠。在交纵的感觉中，体验了两个人相处时的复杂心情。
但最喜欢的是《猫》。很喜欢的戏，台词棒，演得细，尤其猫的小动作好传神。猫与主人之间的关系，那份依赖，那份不舍，那份怨气，那份不耐。带着秘密，带着怀疑，带着关怀，带着心恋。
“你走呀！我不想再见到你！”
一时的气话，伤得深。明知自己的贪玩会换来这句伤人的话，却无法控制自己。就如他无法控制自己不说。
“你介意？那你还咬我？”
介意的何止这个。介意他身上有其他猫的痕迹。介意自己偷听过他曾想把自己送走。介意，却不说。只有等，等一天他不再说。等，看他是否真的会把自己赶走。等，测试他对自己的喜欢。一边等待，一边介意，一边积怨。
是磨爪还是按摩？到最后，谁是主人谁是猫？其实已经不重要。两个，都是俘虏。
两个人，在一起久了，就是如此了吧。
因为喜欢，所以伤得深。因为离不开，所以伤害。因为依赖，所以含怨。
两个人的关系，本就如此单纯。却永远都是复杂的。
很少在看一部戏时，想哭，却哭不出来。因为心被掏了空。也许这是好事，喜欢这一份心悸，但也太累。
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Random Thoughts of the Day
Now Playing: Unfaithful - Rihanna
I die a little every Wednesday… if not physically, then mentally….
----
I hate the showers at One Raffles Quay. They run between scalding hot and freezing cold in seconds, fickle and temperamental lovers.
----
I have yet to meet a printer that doesn’t dislike me at first sight. Why???
----
I realize I have this ingrained reaction of asking for permission to leave a class and am genetically disposed to being late for class. Even during gym class, I’ll try to catch the eye of the instructor and receive a nod of acknowledgement before leaving the class with a peace of mind. And I feel guilty like hell if I’m late, even if nobody else really cares. And after more than a year, I still get a jolt sometimes when my kids ask me for permission to leave the class to go toilet/refill water/whatever. It’s like a reminder that I’m a teacher when I’m still a student mentally. Huh.
---
I miss jazz…
Monday, February 05, 2007
public transport woes
Somewhere, probably closer to hell than heaven, there must be a god of public transport that doesn’t like me very much. How else do you explain the way I can never get home early on the weekday nights when I have to wake up at the inhumane hour of 6am the next day?
I have an unwritten rule of no taxis, no matter what, but I decided to break it on Wednesday after a grueling resistance training and a demoralizing rueda session where I discovered that I no longer know how to turn. After more than fifteen minutes of waiting at various roadsides and flagging red-topped taxis that are invariably hired or on call and taxis that only go tampines and pasir ris (why only east???), I gave up and started for the mrt station. Only to flag down the only one green-for-hire taxi in sight when I was about to reach the mrt station about ten minutes later.
The next night on Thursday was a easy night with a light rpm session (although ‘light’ and ‘rpm’ together is an oxymoron) and a soft pilates session. So I decided to take the long bus ride home, and ended up waiting for over 30 minutes for the horrible bus while green top taxis breezed by in packs.
The two places aren’t that far apart! Maybe a fifteen, twenty minute walk, where the hell were all those taxis on Wednesday???
Friday was salsa night, the kind of fun dance night that I haven’t had for a long, long while. Saw many old dance friends that invariably turned up closer to eleven pm. Although I promised myself to leave on the dot, dancing “last dances” with friends pushed the time closer to eleven thirty instead. Ran all the way to the mrt station to wait another 5 minutes on the platform and inevitably missed the last bus home.
Haiz. *looks heavenwards* What did I ever do to you, O god of public transport???
Never mind, as the old saying goes, 天将降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤. Although what kind of 大任 requires chasing after elusive taxis and waiting for never-ever-coming buses drove by bus drivers with no sense of time, I have no idea.
I have an unwritten rule of no taxis, no matter what, but I decided to break it on Wednesday after a grueling resistance training and a demoralizing rueda session where I discovered that I no longer know how to turn. After more than fifteen minutes of waiting at various roadsides and flagging red-topped taxis that are invariably hired or on call and taxis that only go tampines and pasir ris (why only east???), I gave up and started for the mrt station. Only to flag down the only one green-for-hire taxi in sight when I was about to reach the mrt station about ten minutes later.
The next night on Thursday was a easy night with a light rpm session (although ‘light’ and ‘rpm’ together is an oxymoron) and a soft pilates session. So I decided to take the long bus ride home, and ended up waiting for over 30 minutes for the horrible bus while green top taxis breezed by in packs.
The two places aren’t that far apart! Maybe a fifteen, twenty minute walk, where the hell were all those taxis on Wednesday???
Friday was salsa night, the kind of fun dance night that I haven’t had for a long, long while. Saw many old dance friends that invariably turned up closer to eleven pm. Although I promised myself to leave on the dot, dancing “last dances” with friends pushed the time closer to eleven thirty instead. Ran all the way to the mrt station to wait another 5 minutes on the platform and inevitably missed the last bus home.
Haiz. *looks heavenwards* What did I ever do to you, O god of public transport???
Never mind, as the old saying goes, 天将降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤. Although what kind of 大任 requires chasing after elusive taxis and waiting for never-ever-coming buses drove by bus drivers with no sense of time, I have no idea.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
January days...
Now Playing: Everytime We Touch (Yanou's Candlelight Mix) - Cascada
I can’t believe that it’s only one week to the end of January… Jan has always been one of my favorite months of the year; the fresh and new feeling of a new year, being able to start anew makes everything seem brighter… And somehow when one is getting used to all the new people and getting back into routine, time flies by especially fast and in no time at all, it’s already the end of the month and almost February.
Looking down the year, I have a feeling the year’s going to fly by: every month has a major activity of sort and minus the weekly and daily activities; time always zooms by when one is busy. Chinese New Year is coming when I still in the Christmassy mood (one good thing about crossing cultures is we get a double load of festive seasons), and I’m looking forward to the reunions and good food. Went to Sakae for their yusheng with Lin the other day, my fave CNY dish. It’s a tradition for us already, yusheng at Sakae every year. My CNY resolution, to eat yusheng as many times as possible and double last year record of 5 times if possible!
Catching up on some shows that I’ve watched recently…
Chestnuts with Lin was great fun! It’s more organized than last year which was messy at times. Thus the entire show was tighter and more thematically done. The beginning spoof of the Phantom opening was especially hilarious. Some parts were more of the tear-your-hair-out-you-can’t-stand-the corniness kind of funny, but it was still a fun outing overall and a great round up of the theatre/film entertainment of the year. I always like the list of local theatre shows near the end, which never fails to allow me to relive all the local shows I watched. Was reminded of “A Language of Their Own”, a show that really touched my heart that of the year.
Also watched Big Bang Love, Juvenile A. A Japanese film that was a strange experience, nothing like what I expected at all… It somehow reminds me A Good Shepherd (a film P pulled me to watch because he thought it would be similar to Bourne Supremacy based on the fact that both stars Matt Damon), which is totally weird because both shows have absolutely nothing in common except for the fact that they were both nothing like what I expected (and both have eye candy). Big Bang Love is both soft and raw, tender and harsh. It’s a surfeit of emotions, slyly drew out. When I left the darkened picturehouse theatre, I felt strangely numb.
On more work-related news, I’m starting to understand my kids better. Even a class that I originally thought would be a trouble-maker because of its rowdiness. One of the boys was sitting in the corner, recently (according to him, wrongfully) chastised by a teacher, and he asked me quite pitifully if he is a “bad boy”, and I quite awfully couldn’t help myself from laughing. The boys always make me laugh and the girls are always sweet… somehow every year, the students change and yet remain the same…
I can’t believe that it’s only one week to the end of January… Jan has always been one of my favorite months of the year; the fresh and new feeling of a new year, being able to start anew makes everything seem brighter… And somehow when one is getting used to all the new people and getting back into routine, time flies by especially fast and in no time at all, it’s already the end of the month and almost February.
Looking down the year, I have a feeling the year’s going to fly by: every month has a major activity of sort and minus the weekly and daily activities; time always zooms by when one is busy. Chinese New Year is coming when I still in the Christmassy mood (one good thing about crossing cultures is we get a double load of festive seasons), and I’m looking forward to the reunions and good food. Went to Sakae for their yusheng with Lin the other day, my fave CNY dish. It’s a tradition for us already, yusheng at Sakae every year. My CNY resolution, to eat yusheng as many times as possible and double last year record of 5 times if possible!
Catching up on some shows that I’ve watched recently…
Chestnuts with Lin was great fun! It’s more organized than last year which was messy at times. Thus the entire show was tighter and more thematically done. The beginning spoof of the Phantom opening was especially hilarious. Some parts were more of the tear-your-hair-out-you-can’t-stand-the corniness kind of funny, but it was still a fun outing overall and a great round up of the theatre/film entertainment of the year. I always like the list of local theatre shows near the end, which never fails to allow me to relive all the local shows I watched. Was reminded of “A Language of Their Own”, a show that really touched my heart that of the year.
Also watched Big Bang Love, Juvenile A. A Japanese film that was a strange experience, nothing like what I expected at all… It somehow reminds me A Good Shepherd (a film P pulled me to watch because he thought it would be similar to Bourne Supremacy based on the fact that both stars Matt Damon), which is totally weird because both shows have absolutely nothing in common except for the fact that they were both nothing like what I expected (and both have eye candy). Big Bang Love is both soft and raw, tender and harsh. It’s a surfeit of emotions, slyly drew out. When I left the darkened picturehouse theatre, I felt strangely numb.
On more work-related news, I’m starting to understand my kids better. Even a class that I originally thought would be a trouble-maker because of its rowdiness. One of the boys was sitting in the corner, recently (according to him, wrongfully) chastised by a teacher, and he asked me quite pitifully if he is a “bad boy”, and I quite awfully couldn’t help myself from laughing. The boys always make me laugh and the girls are always sweet… somehow every year, the students change and yet remain the same…
Monday, January 22, 2007
A Start of 2007...
Just recovered from a bout of illness but I’m still coughing… Feel like my immune system must be damaged in some way… am falling ill (or as my dance instructor says, fighting virus) every two months or so…
Tired… in between lessons now. A very long interval as my last lesson is at 3pm. A timeslot that both the students and I dread. They are too tired to pay attention and it’s the last period so all eyes would be at the clock. Mine too, probably.
My first translation course has just ended and it was quite enjoyable. Loved being the student in a class, the joy and fulfillment of gaining knowledge and learning something that I’m really interested in, plus the stress-free environment of doing something I’m good at and not at all responsible for… Want to go back to school… Some days I think I’ll be happy if I can just study and get paid for it…
Looking at my resolutions that I wrote at the end of Dec… For the first 3 weeks of Jan, things have been mostly smooth-sailing… minus the flu; I’ve kept most of my resolutions… Been going to gym religiously even to the wrath of my Dad when I’m sick…Spent time with my family on Sundays and meals… though I spent it mostly lounging around on the sofa and eating Dad’s home cooked meals… my table at home is still recognizable as a table… although my office table is deteriorating… P and I are making an effort to spend more time on the phone despite our messy schedules and time differences and unreliable phone connections… Also meeting up with friends regularly for meals and shows…
Learning about my class as the time passes… they are a cute bunch although they are Sec. 3s. Perhaps it’s because I taught this level when they were in Sec. 1, they simply don’t feel like Sec. 3s to me… they seem so happy-going… Or maybe it’s because they don’t have to take the Os.
One resolution that I didn’t manage to keep is dance. Haven’t danced since I got back from the States! Signed up for a repeat of Rueda 1 at the end of the month… looking forward to it but I do hope that won’t be the next time I dance…
Watched Singapore Dreaming the other day with my dad… There’s an image of an old lady going through old photos when her husband died that stayed with me through the night… the way she talked about their courtship and the days before their marriage… the way she used to love the sing before her marriage and wondering how is it that she stopped singing once she got married… It made me feel sad…Thinking about how her husband treated her at the start of the film, the way their love died… Did it die because they changed? Or did they change because their love died? Do we blame her husband for the way she is? But is she the same person he fell in love with? Did he change or did she?
We all change… and when we do, how do we stay in love with the people we loved? And how do the people who love us stay in love with us when we are no longer the person they loved in the first place?
Mei had some lovely news to share when we met up early Jan (although the devious girl kept it till minutes before she had to leave to meet her darling)… It’s hard to imagine how we’ve been friends for 20 years now… We are all growing up… in a pace faster than I’m ready for…
Tired… in between lessons now. A very long interval as my last lesson is at 3pm. A timeslot that both the students and I dread. They are too tired to pay attention and it’s the last period so all eyes would be at the clock. Mine too, probably.
My first translation course has just ended and it was quite enjoyable. Loved being the student in a class, the joy and fulfillment of gaining knowledge and learning something that I’m really interested in, plus the stress-free environment of doing something I’m good at and not at all responsible for… Want to go back to school… Some days I think I’ll be happy if I can just study and get paid for it…
Looking at my resolutions that I wrote at the end of Dec… For the first 3 weeks of Jan, things have been mostly smooth-sailing… minus the flu; I’ve kept most of my resolutions… Been going to gym religiously even to the wrath of my Dad when I’m sick…Spent time with my family on Sundays and meals… though I spent it mostly lounging around on the sofa and eating Dad’s home cooked meals… my table at home is still recognizable as a table… although my office table is deteriorating… P and I are making an effort to spend more time on the phone despite our messy schedules and time differences and unreliable phone connections… Also meeting up with friends regularly for meals and shows…
Learning about my class as the time passes… they are a cute bunch although they are Sec. 3s. Perhaps it’s because I taught this level when they were in Sec. 1, they simply don’t feel like Sec. 3s to me… they seem so happy-going… Or maybe it’s because they don’t have to take the Os.
One resolution that I didn’t manage to keep is dance. Haven’t danced since I got back from the States! Signed up for a repeat of Rueda 1 at the end of the month… looking forward to it but I do hope that won’t be the next time I dance…
Watched Singapore Dreaming the other day with my dad… There’s an image of an old lady going through old photos when her husband died that stayed with me through the night… the way she talked about their courtship and the days before their marriage… the way she used to love the sing before her marriage and wondering how is it that she stopped singing once she got married… It made me feel sad…Thinking about how her husband treated her at the start of the film, the way their love died… Did it die because they changed? Or did they change because their love died? Do we blame her husband for the way she is? But is she the same person he fell in love with? Did he change or did she?
We all change… and when we do, how do we stay in love with the people we loved? And how do the people who love us stay in love with us when we are no longer the person they loved in the first place?
Mei had some lovely news to share when we met up early Jan (although the devious girl kept it till minutes before she had to leave to meet her darling)… It’s hard to imagine how we’ve been friends for 20 years now… We are all growing up… in a pace faster than I’m ready for…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
